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Thread: should i marry her

  1. #1
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    Default should i marry her

    My engagement took place last month.. After the relationship is fixed and engagement date took, she told me that her one ear has hearing loss problem, I feel little bad thinking they didn’t tell me before fixing. But I wanted to let it go, thinking that health problems can happen to anybody, anytime. The next day She confessed me that (when I asked her) she had physical relation with her boyfriend;but still virgin. They were in love for 4 years. The love matter or being physical with lover didn’t hurt me much as the way she did the whole thing. She called him home when nobody was there in her house. That happened 4 times. Her homely athmosphere was aristocratic ,so this shocked me..I liked this girl not because of her beauty or something else..by seeing her home and athmosphere, I believe her charcter will be damn good. She cant never engage in any wrong doings.. But She told me that He made her nude .. She told me that she did all this because of her love towards him and expecting him to marry her. But when he didn’t will to marry her, she looked for arranged marriage and found me.
    After listening to this , I feel to walk away.. but she was saying that she love me more than she loved her lover for 4 years. I wondered how she can love me within 2 weeks.She also said she hate her lover as he cheated her. She told me that she is ready for any mental or physical tortures from me; but don’t leave her.. I wanted to get away from this relation , but didn’t want to hurt her. I also value her truthness.. She was able to hide this. But after knowing this, eventhough I accepted her and gone for engagement, still I cant make my mind or love her.. I never gone for any physical relation in my life ,eventhough my girlfriend literally asked me for that. But after the engagement I went her home and we had engaged in some physical . I initiated that because I knew that she wont defend, and she didn’t.
    I don’t know what to do..i feel she loves me very much and regret about all the past. But I am not able to love her.. I feel after marriage also if I cant love her ,both of us life will be ruined… She not allowing me to leave her. She is saying if I leave her,she will not live, wont marry again, her parents will suicide, so she too..etc.. She is saying , eventhough I don’t love,she will serve me like a slave and want a child of mine… I don’t know what to do. How I Can make my mind to love her,and forget her past or should I leave her.. I afraid if I marry her I wont love her and can be cruel.. that make her life hell..please help…

  2. #2
    SB Addict archer_paradise's Avatar
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    1. It must be an ego boost for you to believe that she loves you and wants to be your slave. But remember she couldve fell in love with a monkey too just to get rid of the past baggage
    2. It was screwed up on your part to engage in physical intimacy with her if you didnt love her and cant make up your mind to marry her. You can no longer pride on being the more pure one
    3. You will be in a much worser position once you go ahead with such a relationship where the girl just bcoz she is hurt mentally wants to jump on the first guy that comes her way and her family backs. Her priorities are a disarray.
    4. Only god can judge a human's character. You do not have the right to judge her based on her being nude in front of her bf. It could turn out that she is infact not a virgin. Will you accept that?

    See above... I did not even mention the hearing problem at all. You too might lack in some areas. One must build the foundation of marriage on trust, respect and an imagination that you can spend the rest of your life with that individual.

    I do not see that happening with both of you. Both of you have baggages that are too screwed up to deal with together.

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    I couldnt read the whole passage,anyway get rid of the girl asap and it seems youre more interested in her father's property than the girl!
    nevermind,you will do good

  4. #4
    Bourne Captain RoleModel007's Avatar
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    People come with baggage, they all have weird pasts plus money is really important in today's life. Love it or hate it, compromises has taken over all our lives.

    Ask yourself whether you could be better with this girl or not. Then make a choice. Once you done with it there should be no looking back.

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    SB Champion Lieutenant Inspector Pathan's Avatar
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    if her past is bothering you so much you may end this engagement.......but remember one thing now you have also made a mistake by getting physically involved......so be ready for some blackmailing...which is already on the cards.....the positive thing over here is you are only engaged not married...so calling off the relationship will not create much problems......

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    You deserve to be slapped, you know. You had every opportunity to let go of her and break this engagement, if only you hadn't involved yourself in physical intimacy with her. What did you do that for?? I can understand that you have a problem with her past, and I am also pretty sure that she not only got nude but also lost her virginity to her ex. Just because she seems to come from an aristocratic background, doesn't necessary mean she is conservative. You had the option of rejecting her due to her past, especially since you were virgin.
    But why on earth did you shoot yourself in the foot by going to her house and getting intimate? She sounds like her mental condition is highly messed up, with too much baggage from her past. She is desperately trying to latch onto any guy she finds on her path right now, to make up for her past and please her parents. No, she does not love you or anything about you. She is really needy for a man, any man. It is not even about you! If there was any other man in your place, she'd have behaved the same way. Ideally, it would not at all be a good idea to go ahead and marry this girl. Her priorities are messed up and she is in no mental condition to enter into any commitment.

    But thing is, you totally jeopardized your chances of breaking free when you slept with her. She will blackmail you badly now, and you won't have many options. Her parents might also blackmail you! How will you deal with that then? They might even accuse you of physically using her. How will you walk away then?

    Think think think......

  7. #7
    ..Yaar Patialavi.. Colonel a_decent_1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bachelor View Post
    My engagement took place last month.. After the relationship is fixed and engagement date took, she told me that her one ear has hearing loss problem, I feel little bad thinking they didn’t tell me before fixing. But I wanted to let it go, thinking that health problems can happen to anybody, anytime. The next day She confessed me that (when I asked her) she had physical relation with her boyfriend;but still virgin. They were in love for 4 years. The love matter or being physical with lover didn’t hurt me much as the way she did the whole thing. She called him home when nobody was there in her house. That happened 4 times. Her homely athmosphere was aristocratic ,so this shocked me..I liked this girl not because of her beauty or something else..by seeing her home and athmosphere, I believe her charcter will be damn good. She cant never engage in any wrong doings.. But She told me that He made her nude .. She told me that she did all this because of her love towards him and expecting him to marry her. But when he didn’t will to marry her, she looked for arranged marriage and found me.
    After listening to this , I feel to walk away.. but she was saying that she love me more than she loved her lover for 4 years. I wondered how she can love me within 2 weeks.She also said she hate her lover as he cheated her. She told me that she is ready for any mental or physical tortures from me; but don’t leave her.. I wanted to get away from this relation , but didn’t want to hurt her. I also value her truthness.. She was able to hide this. But after knowing this, eventhough I accepted her and gone for engagement, still I cant make my mind or love her.. I never gone for any physical relation in my life ,eventhough my girlfriend literally asked me for that. But after the engagement I went her home and we had engaged in some physical . I initiated that because I knew that she wont defend, and she didn’t.
    I don’t know what to do..i feel she loves me very much and regret about all the past. But I am not able to love her.. I feel after marriage also if I cant love her ,both of us life will be ruined… She not allowing me to leave her. She is saying if I leave her,she will not live, wont marry again, her parents will suicide, so she too..etc.. She is saying , eventhough I don’t love,she will serve me like a slave and want a child of mine… I don’t know what to do. How I Can make my mind to love her,and forget her past or should I leave her.. I afraid if I marry her I wont love her and can be cruel.. that make her life hell..please help…
    I do not understand 2 things :

    (1) Why do people feel the need to tell things they can simply hide and have a perfect life.
    (2) Why do you need a "Graphic Explanation" of her sexual encounters..?

    You do not have a problem with her sexual past. You have a problem because you are imagining how it would have happened. When you get into the Graphical side of it, it hurts your ego. Let me tell you, it is NEVER the way you imagine it to be. If the Girl was nude, so was the guy. So, how did the Girl lose any respect..?

    Look brother, you need to let it go. PLEASE don't tell me you expect to find a virgin for yourself or you are judging this Girl for what she did. Your mistake was to ask for the details on "How it happened", that would ALWAYS freak you out. Never do that, ever. !

    I am very angry at the Girl for telling you about her sexual past. Men like to live in denial, and we love to not know the things that do not matter. However, I suggest that you get over it. If you cannot, then please do not marry her. She deserves better.

    G'day
    My Personality depends on who I am.My Attitude depends on who you are.
    a_decent_1™ ©®

  8. #8
    Bullet Raja Major General Gudu Gudu Returns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by a_decent_1 View Post


    I do not understand 2 things :

    (1) Why do people feel the need to tell things they can simply hide and have a perfect life.
    (2) Why do you need a "Graphic Explanation" of her sexual encounters..?

    You do not have a problem with her sexual past. You have a problem because you are imagining how it would have happened. When you get into the Graphical side of it, it hurts your ego. Let me tell you, it is NEVER the way you imagine it to be. If the Girl was nude, so was the guy. So, how did the Girl lose any respect..?

    Look brother, you need to let it go. PLEASE don't tell me you expect to find a virgin for yourself or you are judging this Girl for what she did. Your mistake was to ask for the details on "How it happened", that would ALWAYS freak you out. Never do that, ever. !

    I am very angry at the Girl for telling you about her sexual past. Men like to live in denial, and we love to not know the things that do not matter. However, I suggest that you get over it. If you cannot, then please do not marry her. She deserves better.

    G'day
    Follow Decent's advice.

  9. #9
    SB Wizard Captain himansh's Avatar
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    most appropriate advice
    Quote Originally Posted by a_decent_1 View Post


    I do not understand 2 things :

    (1) Why do people feel the need to tell things they can simply hide and have a perfect life.
    (2) Why do you need a "Graphic Explanation" of her sexual encounters..?

    You do not have a problem with her sexual past. You have a problem because you are imagining how it would have happened. When you get into the Graphical side of it, it hurts your ego. Let me tell you, it is NEVER the way you imagine it to be. If the Girl was nude, so was the guy. So, how did the Girl lose any respect..?

    Look brother, you need to let it go. PLEASE don't tell me you expect to find a virgin for yourself or you are judging this Girl for what she did. Your mistake was to ask for the details on "How it happened", that would ALWAYS freak you out. Never do that, ever. !

    I am very angry at the Girl for telling you about her sexual past. Men like to live in denial, and we love to not know the things that do not matter. However, I suggest that you get over it. If you cannot, then please do not marry her. She deserves better.

    G'day

  10. #10
    SB Wizard Captain o00's Avatar
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    She is the best girl you would ever get. Appreciate her and get married asap. Your mental probs will vanish with time.

  11. #11
    SB Addict archer_paradise's Avatar
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    DONT MARRY HER!!! NOT COZ SHES DEAF OR A LOOSEY GOOSEY... BUT COZ you guys are getting married for the wrong reasons.

  12. #12
    New Born true_lover's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by archer_paradise View Post
    DONT MARRY HER!!! NOT COZ SHES DEAF OR A LOOSEY GOOSEY... BUT COZ you guys are getting married for the wrong reasons.

    Exactly! This is so correct.

    @ Asker: This is a very valuable piece of advice you should think about and follow.

  13. #13
    New Born LiveLif3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by true_lover View Post
    You deserve to be slapped, you know. You had every opportunity to let go of her and break this engagement, if only you hadn't involved yourself in physical intimacy with her. What did you do that for?? I can understand that you have a problem with her past, and I am also pretty sure that she not only got nude but also lost her virginity to her ex. Just because she seems to come from an aristocratic background, doesn't necessary mean she is conservative. You had the option of rejecting her due to her past, especially since you were virgin.
    But why on earth did you shoot yourself in the foot by going to her house and getting intimate? She sounds like her mental condition is highly messed up, with too much baggage from her past. She is desperately trying to latch onto any guy she finds on her path right now, to make up for her past and please her parents. No, she does not love you or anything about you. She is really needy for a man, any man. It is not even about you! If there was any other man in your place, she'd have behaved the same way. Ideally, it would not at all be a good idea to go ahead and marry this girl. Her priorities are messed up and she is in no mental condition to enter into any commitment.

    But thing is, you totally jeopardized your chances of breaking free when you slept with her. She will blackmail you badly now, and you won't have many options. Her parents might also blackmail you! How will you deal with that then? They might even accuse you of physically using her. How will you walk away then?

    Think think think......

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