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Thread: My wife had lied about her past relationship

  1. #1
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    Default My wife had lied about her past relationship

    http://forum.santabanta.com/showthre...ad-a-boyfriend

    My story is similar to hardy singh's thread. I got married to a girl from a very modest family only because I had found her to be truthful and well-bred. Before our wedding, she had told me that she had met a guy online and she wanted to marry him but things didn't work out between them. I asked how close they were and she told me that she had met him just once. I know in India people won't get close on first date. But after 3 months of wedding life, I once saw an email in her account. It was from her ex telling her how she could marry someone else and not wait for him to come back to her (her ex had deserted her after his mom had asked him to find a rich girl). When I asked her about it she swore on me that they weren't much close. But I could guess from her body language that she was lying. Later she did admit having an intimate relationship with him. They were close on webcam too. I'm afraid my wife's ex might have got her cam captured. I have lost interest in marriage. She is a nice girl otherwise, but an arrange marriage is more like calculations. I had ignored her family's social status, or her education or her smartness 'cause I wanted an honest and understanding girl as I was able to offer her high status and luxurious life. Now I can't even touch her or kiss her. She is asking me to go see a psychiatrist but I know I can't get over the feeling of being cheated. Aunt Preeto, what should I do now? Thank you all in advance for the advice.

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Well, how about you let a bit of time go by before you take a decision either way? Not that I can't empathise with what you are going through, but at the same time, her story, honestly, seems a bit sad to me. Being dumped by a BF who had offered her marriage because he found a rich girl seems like a terrible experience.

    I would suggest that you just give this some time and see how you feel. No point forcing yourself either way, but no sense in rushing into anything either. Be dispassionate about this and see if you can make it work. The other option is always there, isn't it?

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    ..Yaar Patialavi.. Colonel a_decent_1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    http://forum.santabanta.com/showthre...ad-a-boyfriend

    My story is similar to hardy singh's thread. I got married to a girl from a very modest family only because I had found her to be truthful and well-bred. Before our wedding, she had told me that she had met a guy online and she wanted to marry him but things didn't work out between them. I asked how close they were and she told me that she had met him just once. I know in India people won't get close on first date. But after 3 months of wedding life, I once saw an email in her account. It was from her ex telling her how she could marry someone else and not wait for him to come back to her (her ex had deserted her after his mom had asked him to find a rich girl). When I asked her about it she swore on me that they weren't much close. But I could guess from her body language that she was lying. Later she did admit having an intimate relationship with him. They were close on webcam too. I'm afraid my wife's ex might have got her cam captured. I have lost interest in marriage. She is a nice girl otherwise, but an arrange marriage is more like calculations. I had ignored her family's social status, or her education or her smartness 'cause I wanted an honest and understanding girl as I was able to offer her high status and luxurious life. Now I can't even touch her or kiss her. She is asking me to go see a psychiatrist but I know I can't get over the feeling of being cheated. Aunt Preeto, what should I do now? Thank you all in advance for the advice.
    Don't get me wrong, but maybe you should see a psychiatrist. No pun intended.

    I am not sure how to respond to guys who believe a Girl's reputation and respect is limited to her sexual past. You lose respect for a girl as soon as you learn she has had sex before, or someone has seen her nude, or someone has her nude picture. BIG DEAL man. If you believe there is any girl out there, 18+, who hasn't had sex or a horny webcam session then you are living in disguise.

    We all have our fun when we are young. But when we reach out mid 20s, we mature. That is why past should be left in the past. You yourself say that she is a nice girl, then why do you doubt her..? The very reason girls hide their past is because they are afraid that the guy would respond in the same manner as you are responding here.. !!

    Just let it go man. As long as you do not have anything to hold her responsible for cheating on you in present, you are fine. Do not ruin your relationship for this stupid reason.

    G'day
    My Personality depends on who I am.My Attitude depends on who you are.
    a_decent_1™ ©®

  4. #4
    Bullet Raja Major General Gudu Gudu Returns's Avatar
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    2 options:

    1. Live with it.

    or

    2. Get divorce.
    आपका अपना,
    Gudu Gudu ರಿಟರ್ನ್ಸ್

  5. #5
    New Born true_lover's Avatar
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    No, you are absolutely not crazy nor do you need to see a psychiatrist. It is perfectly natural for you to feel the way you are feeling! This girl has deceived you.
    I don't understand what is the need for her to hide or deny the truth. She even swore on you. This shows that she cares two hoots about you! What is the need to pretend to be 'sati savitri' when clearly you are not. I have a feeling that it's not even so much her past that you're concerned about, but rather the fact that she is a hypocrite. On top of that, she is giving attitude and telling you to see a shrink!

    I think it is best if you divorce this girl. The two of you will never be compatible, nor will this issue solve itself anytime soon. Your values are conservative, and hers are liberal. A lifelong commitment/bond (such as marriage) should be based on a foundation of honesty and truth, but there are many girls like your wife who are opportunistic and see marriage as an opportunity to find a rich groom.
    Btw, it is absolutely not true that every girl out there has engaged in these kinds of activities. There are tons of decent youngsters out there.
    If yours and your wife's principles and ethics don't match, this marriage will make your life a living hell. Mark my word! I don't think you have been married long. There's still time to back out.
    Last edited by true_lover; 09-07-2013 at 11:14 AM.

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    SB Champion Captain o00's Avatar
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    Dear asker, don't feel insecure. I think you didn't get a chance to be physically intimate with a girl before your marriage and now you are jealous and insecure. Either don't use the word 'nice girl' or else you need to grow up. Aunt Preeto cant help here.. God only can.

  7. #7
    Bourne Captain RoleModel007's Avatar
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    In this part of the world, when it comes to sex we preach only for others what is good and what is not and the standards for us are mostly entirely different.
    From people taking pride in testifying their open cultural standards to others calling it breaking of moral or ethical conduct, from people claiming it is the method of testing sexual compatibility to others complaining it to ruin the charm of marriage (and not to forget the varying views of the two generations we are sandwiched in between) there is absolutely no line in the sand when it comes to pre-marital sex.

    As one of the greatest minds* of our time in this planet once said 'It's all about a reality check not the shrink', you may want to ask yourself the following.
    - The deceit is obvious; but did she ever have a choice against the moral grounds of society?
    - Was it a case of 'take the train, you cannot afford the plane' for her?
    - Are you all saint and never a sinner?
    - Do you really think that you could find someone without a past and still loves you as she does?
    - Do you really think every act in a marital relationship is sexual intimacy?

    The answer now lies within you!!!


    *Rolemodel007 is not one of the greatest minds of our time in this planet.
    Last edited by RoleModel007; 09-07-2013 at 04:16 PM.

  8. #8
    SB Champion Lieutenant Inspector Pathan's Avatar
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    the problem is now a days almost everyone has past....now either accept it or there are other options which you are also aware of.........

  9. #9
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    First of all , Relax and Calm down

    Now i've read your quote 5 times and after studying it i have drawn some conclusions
    a.) You just wanted a wife from a good family and like you said well bred. You clearly didn't take into account of what the girl was. You chose her on basis of her family, and instead of marrying her family, you married her. So this is your mistake first of all.

    b.) Like you said she hid her past from you. Well, considering the woman psychology, she was right. A dirty truth could have (which it has to some extent ) spoiled a relationship that might have provided her stability and happiness in life and i don't blame her for that. Remember, every saint has a past and every sinner has a future

    c.) If this topic didn't rise between you both before your marriage , it should have.

    But since you can't change you past but can control your present and shape your future, i suggest you go to your wife and apologise to her and for the final time in your married life , ask her all about her previous life.

    If she tells you, in the end finish this topic by telling her, "You should have trusted me with this a long time ago. I would have found it absolutely amazing. Thank you". Proceed with a hug first, then a kiss on the forehead, next on the lip and a little of bedroom action.

    If she doesn't, Then say this ," I am only asking because i don't want any secret between us to spoil our life. Not just yours, but ours. But i'll wait if you ever wish to tell me and i won't ever force you." Proceed with a hug and straight a 10 second french festival

    And listen she's your wife, stand by her in every portion of her life but don't squeeze yourself into them. And apologise to your wife for you being disheartened. Women like it when you pamper them

    Always there to help you

    Dr. Gautam

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