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Thread: upset with SIL's erratic behavior

  1. #1
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    Default upset with SIL's erratic behavior

    My brother is married around an year back. His wife and family told us innumerable lies before wedding. My brother also lied in many things hiding their years of relationship to my parents. We, slowly after marriage realized and though few of them did upset all of us, seeing that my brother was in love, my parents maintained a dignified silence.

    My brother became a changed person to which I dont blame either of them. Its totally their life. However what bothers me is, my brother has become completely mum after marriage. I am elder to my SIL and last time when I visited them, I was down with heavy fever. My bro took me to doctor. She fought with my brother for something really silly and by the time we returned, she was not at home. He tried calling her and she started to cut his call. She sent him an sms saying she is out for walking and asked us to have dinner. She made some dish fully with water showing her rage. My bro ate as if it was all ok (she is a good cook actually). Later after she returned also, she started to bang doors loudly least concerned of how odd I would feel as a visitor.

    Also, in afternoon time, she used to come early, put TV in high volume not even bothering if I would be disturbed despite knowing I was not well. Neither my bro nor his wife were apologetic. When I told my bro, in a soft way, he retorted saying how can you expect apology while she said nothing to you. Infact, I did not ask that she should say sorry to me. I told him that this kind of behavior is hurtful and told him that if roles were reversed will she not feel hurt? He was neither remorseful nor felt her behavior was bad. These two incidents were just examples barring her open lies.

    I am so much hurt with this behavior and decided not to visit them anymore. My bro knows am hurt but speaks just for the sake of maintaining bro-sis relationship (I feel) to me. I do want to ignore and move ahead. I feel so painful to see my bro who was otherwise a calm person changed so rude and doesnt feel bothered for his own sister. For the sake of my parents, I cant even ignore them completely and will be forced to meet and visit them. How to put up with people like these? How to get over this hurt and anger ?

  2. #2
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    Stay away from married couples. It happens, usually people change once they get married. Tell your parents you don't like visiting your sister in law as she keeps showing negative behavior. It may be because they both don't like any visitors. May be they need their privacy. You have a life of your own right? so enjoy it. stop worrying for your brother's married life. "Just let it go" ignore your SIL's behavior. Tell your brother you won't be visiting them because of the above reason but you love you brother a lot and tell him that you are always there if he needs your help. Stay happy, Have a blessed life.

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    ..Yaar Patialavi.. Lieutenant-Colonel a_decent_1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    My brother is married around an year back. His wife and family told us innumerable lies before wedding. My brother also lied in many things hiding their years of relationship to my parents. We, slowly after marriage realized and though few of them did upset all of us, seeing that my brother was in love, my parents maintained a dignified silence.

    My brother became a changed person to which I dont blame either of them. Its totally their life. However what bothers me is, my brother has become completely mum after marriage. I am elder to my SIL and last time when I visited them, I was down with heavy fever. My bro took me to doctor. She fought with my brother for something really silly and by the time we returned, she was not at home. He tried calling her and she started to cut his call. She sent him an sms saying she is out for walking and asked us to have dinner. She made some dish fully with water showing her rage. My bro ate as if it was all ok (she is a good cook actually). Later after she returned also, she started to bang doors loudly least concerned of how odd I would feel as a visitor.

    Also, in afternoon time, she used to come early, put TV in high volume not even bothering if I would be disturbed despite knowing I was not well. Neither my bro nor his wife were apologetic. When I told my bro, in a soft way, he retorted saying how can you expect apology while she said nothing to you. Infact, I did not ask that she should say sorry to me. I told him that this kind of behavior is hurtful and told him that if roles were reversed will she not feel hurt? He was neither remorseful nor felt her behavior was bad. These two incidents were just examples barring her open lies.

    I am so much hurt with this behavior and decided not to visit them anymore. My bro knows am hurt but speaks just for the sake of maintaining bro-sis relationship (I feel) to me. I do want to ignore and move ahead. I feel so painful to see my bro who was otherwise a calm person changed so rude and doesnt feel bothered for his own sister. For the sake of my parents, I cant even ignore them completely and will be forced to meet and visit them. How to put up with people like these? How to get over this hurt and anger ?
    Never mess with a married couple.

    You would never know the real reason for a spat and end up on the wrong side of the road. Her behaviour could be due to something that happened weeks before you visited. Married couples keep their secrets but cannot control their behavior often.

    You should also understand that you should not expect anything from her. This is how marriage works today. Sad but True. Women have too much power.

    G'day

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    Quote Originally Posted by shreyasm29 View Post
    Stay away from married couples. It happens, usually people change once they get married. Tell your parents you don't like visiting your sister in law as she keeps showing negative behavior. It may be because they both don't like any visitors. May be they need their privacy. You have a life of your own right? so enjoy it. stop worrying for your brother's married life. "Just let it go" ignore your SIL's behavior. Tell your brother you won't be visiting them because of the above reason but you love you brother a lot and tell him that you are always there if he needs your help. Stay happy, Have a blessed life.
    Quote Originally Posted by a_decent_1 View Post
    Never mess with a married couple.

    You would never know the real reason for a spat and end up on the wrong side of the road. Her behaviour could be due to something that happened weeks before you visited. Married couples keep their secrets but cannot control their behavior often.

    You should also understand that you should not expect anything from her. This is how marriage works today. Sad but True. Women have too much power.

    G'day
    Truly good and enlightening replies, to which

    Follow what has been told by brothers above.

    Stay out of trouble!

  5. #5
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Hi! I understand that you are hurt and feeling neglected by your brother and his wife, though mainly by your brother. But listen, now that you know how its going to be, why not forgive and forget what happened and try and re establish the relationship BUT with different- fewer- expectations? Obviously, your brother is not the same as he was. Fine! But the brother-sister relationship is too precious to break up, isn't it? Let him off the hook. Cool down and take a reality check. And then draw some lines for yourself. You will be happier that way.

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    what can be done is you can try visiting them once after 3-4 months and see their reaction.....if this thing also doesn't work and their behavior is the same...then you can move on.....you know some icebergs take lot of years to melt....in this case when your brother realizes that he was wrong he might turn to you.....you have to be patient....

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    You just need to work on yourself and get rid of this anger that you have for them. Better stay away from them and limit the communications and visits to them.

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    hum......................

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