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Thread: My confusion for marriage!

  1. #1
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    Default My confusion for marriage!

    Dear Mam,

    I m 24 year old guy and my gf is 25 year old, we are together from last 2 years and are very much close to each other.
    Now her family is started discussing topics to start finding a groom for her as they consider time has come for it, though she has told her parents that she did not want to get married now and will tell when ever she wants it.
    The thing is i m younger in my family among my brother and sis, and in my family they have not even started thinking of my marriage, i have just started my carrier this year after completing my studies and have yet to decide whether i will be doing job or join my family business? but because of her family started discussions of her marriage and they are also getting rishte itself the matter of her marriage getting more attention and now she wants me to do everything fast...like talking to parents about her, getting settled soon and start discussion among our parents.
    But thing is all these things takes time..but also she dont have that much time although she would do anything to delay her parents to start looking for grooms but yes kitna time rokegi wo....and moreover my parents have not even thought of my marriage
    So the question is how should i go about in this situation? i am very confused, though the simple answer i know is if u really wana marry to that gal tell your parents as she dont have much time.
    But i want your more views on this.

    Thanks

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Hi! I understand that you feel that you are not yet ready for marriage, even though you are in a relationship with the girl That's understandable. The thing is that if you are sure that you will marry the girl, then you can ask your parents to speak with hers and have a long engagement (provided he parents agree to that- the danger being that they may be in a hurry). As you already know, the first thing that you have to do is to sort things out in your own head and then see exactly what steps you can take. the main questions being
    Are you committed enough to her?
    Are you ready to get married?
    Will you be able to deal with her being married to someone else?
    Do you think you will regret going in for such an early marriage?
    Get some clarity in your head, and then we can speak further about it.

  3. #3
    SB Champion Lieutenant o00's Avatar
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    If you are really serious about marrying her, there is no point in delaying in giving hints to your parents. Atleast you can get engaged to her so that her parents stop bothering about rishtas anymore.

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    First and foremost if you guys feel that you want to marry then talk to your parents. If they agree then make them meet girls parents and decide for at least an engagement and a ceremony.
    You guys can plan a marriage in an years time. Look you would have discussed about marriage, this is the time you need to stand up and make your words counted if you really feel for her. she needs you to take hard n big steps. Stand for her and do not leave her at this time. I am not saying to marry her today but at least if her family and yours family knows about this all then it will be a great thing.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Dear Mam,

    I m 24 year old guy and my gf is 25 year old, we are together from last 2 years and are very much close to each other.
    Now her family is started discussing topics to start finding a groom for her as they consider time has come for it, though she has told her parents that she did not want to get married now and will tell when ever she wants it.
    The thing is i m younger in my family among my brother and sis, and in my family they have not even started thinking of my marriage, i have just started my carrier this year after completing my studies and have yet to decide whether i will be doing job or join my family business? but because of her family started discussions of her marriage and they are also getting rishte itself the matter of her marriage getting more attention and now she wants me to do everything fast...like talking to parents about her, getting settled soon and start discussion among our parents.
    But thing is all these things takes time..but also she dont have that much time although she would do anything to delay her parents to start looking for grooms but yes kitna time rokegi wo....and moreover my parents have not even thought of my marriage
    So the question is how should i go about in this situation? i am very confused, though the simple answer i know is if u really wana marry to that gal tell your parents as she dont have much time.
    But i want your more views on this.

    Thanks
    24-----> 25

    24-----> 18

    Dont unnecessarily complicate her life and also yours. Find someone else.

  6. #6
    New Born LiveLif3's Avatar
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    totally agree

    Quote Originally Posted by loveislove View Post
    First and foremost if you guys feel that you want to marry then talk to your parents. If they agree then make them meet girls parents and decide for at least an engagement and a ceremony.
    You guys can plan a marriage in an years time. Look you would have discussed about marriage, this is the time you need to stand up and make your words counted if you really feel for her. she needs you to take hard n big steps. Stand for her and do not leave her at this time. I am not saying to marry her today but at least if her family and yours family knows about this all then it will be a great thing.

  7. #7
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    I have asked this question, dear preeto mam
    getting clarity in our own head is what is becoming very difficult there are many things in my mind
    1) Obviously not yet ready to marriage as wanted to settle in some or the other way first.
    2) I am committed to her, but just wana delay things as their are more important things left before marriage.
    3) and moreover for every girl's parents, it is very imp. what does boy do.....so, point is acc. to me it is very imp. to first settle a bit and these things takes little time.
    Lots of confusion in mind, thats y posted here..........
    How should i think about this situation?
    How should i go about the things?
    what are the things which i may not be considering but are important in this situation?

    Views welcomed, preeto mam u also do reply

  8. #8
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    I have asked this question, dear preeto mam
    getting clarity in our own head is what is becoming very difficult there are many things in my mind
    1) Obviously not yet ready to marriage as wanted to settle in some or the other way first.
    2) I am committed to her, but just wana delay things as their are more important things left before marriage.
    3) and moreover for every girl's parents, it is very imp. what does boy do.....so, point is acc. to me it is very imp. to first settle a bit and these things takes little time.
    Lots of confusion in mind, thats y posted here..........
    How should i think about this situation?
    How should i go about the things?
    what are the things which i may not be considering but are important in this situation?

    Views welcomed, preeto mam u also do reply

  9. #9
    New Born true_lover's Avatar
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    This is why they say that the guy should be older than the girl. While you, at 24, are rather too young to be thinking of marriage and should rather get settled in your career first, your gf on the other hand is of marriageable age at 25 and this is ideally when a girl's parents start planning her marriage.

    If the guy is older than the girl, then most problems are eliminated. The guy has attained the mental maturity for marriage, is well settled career-wise etc.

    She's asking you to take a decision fast, but that is just not practical. You just cannot and should not make any hasty decisions in life! Please do not rush into marriage. You have to think about your career, future plans and everything very carefully, and whichever decision you make, you must allow yourself to settle into it gradually over time, before you think of marriage (which is a huge responsibility in itself!).
    You need at least 2 - 3 more years to make those decisions (job vs. family business) and actually gain stability in whichever path you take. Is your gf willing to wait that long? Ask her that. If yes, then great. But if no, then your options would become really limited. Then I would really suggest you part ways and move on (and get a younger girl next time, if possible).

    PS. If she loves you truly, she would wait.

  10. #10
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    she can wait but not her parents my fren

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by nickbansal18 View Post
    she can wait but not her parents my fren

    Well can she convince her parents?? Is she willing to try her level best?

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