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Thread: Marrying much younger person.

  1. #1
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    Default Marrying much younger person.

    Hi,

    I come from a middle classed family from southindia. I am a graduate, i have a job and I get ok ok salary, just about meeting my expenses.
    My mother wants me to marry a traditional girl who is 12 years younger to me. she is 18. I am 30. the girl has studied 10+2 and stopped after.
    My mother feels that we know the girl from childhood and she is very well natured/decent and will take care of my family and me very well. I agree with her on that aspect.
    I told her all my friends will laugh as 12 years gap is big and she says my parents are also 12 years apart and there was no problem... the girls family also likes me.. and the girl is also aware since childhood that both families are thinking about our possible match.... she also likes me.

    Is age a big problem(my opinion on this is 50-50).... is it worth confronting parents and doing arranged marriage outside and taking a risk of not getting a adjustable partner, who might not care about my parents.... also note that my earnings are not that great.

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Well, I'm not sure as to how to respond to this query because I would like to see every girl being independent and educated and contributing to her own growth as well as that the family's. The age difference is large but not disturbing because of the reasons that you are saying, but because you have to question if a girl that young is ready for marriage? what are her options? If you do get married to her, will you take the responsibility of nurturing a very young person- empowering her? will you be able to respect her needs and fears?
    Think about all of that and then see what decision you have to take. Its not just about you, but also about that very young person, whose parents want to get married off.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Hi,

    I come from a middle classed family from southindia. I am a graduate, i have a job and I get ok ok salary, just about meeting my expenses.
    My mother wants me to marry a traditional girl who is 12 years younger to me. the girl has studied 10+2 and stopped after.

    Lot of educational qualification difference, 99.99% this match wont work. Education plays a vital role in leading a happy married life.

    she is 18. I am 30.

    This might work out well for you, she is just 18, your sex life will be active and you can enjoy like anything and have kids at a later stage when you are done with having sex.

    My mother feels that we know the girl from childhood and she is very well natured/decent and will take care of my family and me very well. I agree with her on that aspect.

    You never know. It might backfire.

    I told her all my friends will laugh as 12 years gap is big and she says my parents are also 12 years apart and there was no problem...

    Tuition has brought the results, the needed one's.

    the girls family also likes me.. and the girl is also aware since childhood that both families are thinking about our possible match.... she also likes me.

    Is age a big problem(my opinion on this is 50-50)....

    50-50 opinion? Having such opinion itself is dangerous. I'd suggest you to go for at least a graduate who will be a match to you in terms of education. Education is most important aspect to get married. Gone are those days when guys used to marry, a unpad gawaar, or baarwi fail, though here the girl is not 12th fail, she is 12th pass, am sure there will be understanding problems mainly due to the age, what she sees at 18 you may just laugh it off at 30.

    So your weak points here are her education 12th and your age 30 years.



    is it worth confronting parents and doing arranged marriage outside and taking a risk of not getting a adjustable partner, who might not care about my parents.... also note that my earnings are not that great.

    Confront parents or not, but its your life, parents will tell do that do this, you do, as a faithful and obedient son, but then you are on your own, cant blame parents for getting you married to this 18 girl, nor can you bang your head for listening to your heart and not your mind.

    My final suggestion would be, leave this girl, let her marry someone else. You find some graduate, in her 25s and marry, 5 years gap is not too much!

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    radiant light ! Major ariesgirl's Avatar
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    no no..don't marry someone who is much younger than you even if she holds a phd or is the daughter of a millionaire..in fact i hate it when i hear of ppl getting married with more than 6 years age difference..i think its always better to marry someone closer to your own age..like some 2-4..even six is too much..
    One of my relatives had some problem with his horoscope..was not getting matching alliance..he turned 30 and then got a proposal from a girl aged 21..he never wanted to marry someone so younger..but his parents forced him..emotional drama..like they wanted to have a grand child soon and he is already 30 bla bla bla..and finally he had to agree..they got married too..but i've seen him suffering..the girl is just a dumbo..she is educated..was a studious girl too..but different ideologies..she doesn't know a thing..doesn't even know how to cook,do house hold works,socialize,dress for an occasion etc etc..not even matured enough to get married..and i always wish if he had married someone else..it is more like a generation gap..and being a girl i don't think any girl would want to marry much older person..may be she is forced to..you'll have to face lots of difficulties if you marry such a young girl..you guys won't be compatible to each other..you can't really talk to her the way you talk to other women of around your age...she won't understand you..and age gap may bring problems in physical relationship too.. Tell your mom that traditional girls above the age of 25 too are found in india..

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    Brother,

    It doesn't matter that much if you're having an ok ok salary and it doesn't matter that yours and hers family have known each other for a long time and it doesn't matter that she is a traditional girl.


    But what matters the most i that this is about the rest of your life . It's fine that you can get her to follow your life style have great sex by teaching her and blah blah.

    But in married life, couples make decisions as well. And think yourself, will a girl 12 years younger to you, the age of a small sister, who's 10+2 passed, be as good and understanding as a girl who's your age, is a graduate and is working ? Will this girl be able to help and advice you as a girl of your age and who's probably seen more world than an 18 year old girl ? Your parents won't be around always and you'll have to make your decisions someday and that is inevitable. So why don't you make your first independent decision now ?

    When you think of what i have written, all your doubts will be washed away and a clear perspective of what you want will appear in front of you

    All the best,

    Dr. Gautam

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    Dont marry the girl. Let her live her life... but unfortunately she seems to be belonging to an old fashioned backward minded family..poor girls.. south indian culture.

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    marry someone who is at least graduate....good luck......

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    You should definitely marry someone more mature and someone who can go hand in hand with you now and in your future, because its really important to have a partner who will be able to guide you if you are wrong in your decisions. This girl would hardly be able to do it. She needs to have more experience on life and should learn how to tackle if problem arises, 18years is not the age to get married. Come on brother. Be mature enough to take a wise and a right decision on this. Look even i am a south Indian and you being a graduate I want to tell you that will you be able to convince her parents to let her study further so she will be able to even take care of her family and support them financially may be someday. Why treat a girl like a slave right? Come on man act smart and do your thing, at least try, baaki her parents ke upar he. "Its sad to see how girls are forced for marriage so soon. Elder people of this country needs to be given some lessons because they have not learned a thing" ( This was a general statement by the way ) Have a blessed life and choose a wise life partner.

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