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Thread: Confused as to whom should I choose?

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    Default Confused as to whom should I choose?

    I hv been in a relationship since 7 yrs with a guy to which i am going to get married in 3 months..we were happy together although there were fights...i was crazy about him from the day we started our relationship. But he was kind of insensitive.. doesnot care about my feelings much..i used to cry so much and prayed to god to give me strength not to love him so much..he was always busy in his life..i started ignoring him..it was hard for me..but a few months before i met a guy whom i started to like..i think he likes me too. I can see in his eyes. We dont talk much, we met often then also i feel some kind of connection with him.,he's muslim and i am hindu..he is one yr younger than me.earns lesser than me.in one way i feel he's not compatible to me..but i am strongly attracted to him,,i started loving him i guess.i cant stop thinking about him.i feel he too finds ways to talk to me..the person to which i am going to get married is more n most compatible to me.he is well settled,belongs to good family and is at respectable position in a psu .then also i am afraid to get married soon.,somewhere inside i want to break that relationship as there were so many bad experiences but i cant do that coz it'll hurt my family and break them down forever.he also doesnot belong to my community then also they allowed me to marry him,,they'll never trust me after this..i am going mad what to do..plz help i need suggestions..only a few months left..please !! Whom should i marry??

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    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Hi!
    look, there are two issues here. the first is that you don't feel that you will get along with the person you are engaged to- the relationship, you say, is not a satisfactory one. So, that's what you should be addressing first, without bringing another person into it. most likely, it will hurt your parents more if yo go ahead with a relationship that is already not a happy one. You have to take the call on this one and only then think of the next issue.
    Keep them separate. the second relationship, as you know, has its own set of problems which you can handle only after you have dealt with and come to some conclusion about relationship no.1.

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    Bullet Raja Brigadier General Gudu Gudu Returns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    I hv been in a relationship since 7 yrs with a guy to which i am going to get married in 3 months..we were happy together although there were fights...i was crazy about him from the day we started our relationship. But he was kind of insensitive.. doesnot care about my feelings much..i used to cry so much and prayed to god to give me strength not to love him so much..he was always busy in his life..i started ignoring him..it was hard for me..but a few months before i met a guy whom i started to like..i think he likes me too. I can see in his eyes. We dont talk much, we met often then also i feel some kind of connection with him.,

    1. he's muslim and i am hindu..

    2. he is one yr younger than me.

    3. earns lesser than me.

    in one way i feel he's not compatible to me..but i am strongly attracted to him,,i started loving him i guess.i cant stop thinking about him.i feel he too finds ways to talk to me..the person to which i am going to get married is more n most compatible to me.he is well settled,belongs to good family and is at respectable position in a psu .then also i am afraid to get married soon.,somewhere inside i want to break that relationship as there were so many bad experiences but i cant do that coz it'll hurt my family and break them down forever.he also doesnot belong to my community then also they allowed me to marry him,,they'll never trust me after this..

    4. i am going mad what to do..plz help i need suggestions..only a few months left..please !! Whom should i marry??

    Points 1 to 3 enough for calling off this relationship.

    Point No. 1 enough to keep your heads banging for the rest of your lives, and not to mention who all at your home. My own experience, my sister also married a guy from another religion, after a kid, but is so so even now. It creates a lot of societal problems not just for both of you but also for both the families. And remember He is a Muslim, remember Muslims though a minority are a majority in this country. So looking at how things have between Hindus and Muslims in our country, India, you have to think a lot and take a step ahead.

    My advice would be, call ofr this relationship as soon as possible.

    Regarding point No.4. Its better to go mad now, than marry this guy and make each and every person mad around you [read your parents, his parents, and most importantly you]
    Egg good for health, not EGO !

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    SB Addict ariesgirl's Avatar
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    seems like you are already repenting for your decision about marrying the guy with whom you are having a 7 years relationship..you are not happy with him..so why marrying him,ruining both your lives and then keep repenting whole your life?so better call off the engagement..and remember,that muslim guy too is never the one for you..you yourself know the things you'll have to face if you go ahead with him..let destiny bring you the one god has made for you..stay hopeful..

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    Thank you so much for your suggestions..first i need to control my feelings for the 2nd guy...coz i am going crazy for him.i dont know how to do this.and yes i have to think about my marriage again..

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    For now, take a break. I don't think 7 years old relationship can be crushed just like that.. there must be a solid reason to motivate you to terminate it and you have not shared it in detail. Ans yes please try to stay away from 2nd guy.

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    Hmmm....i'll try to do it..but its really hard you know...when he talks to me i forget everything..i tried so so hard for my previous relationship..but there's limit,,it cant be one sided effort..he is careless and insensitive but yes he was always loyal in the relationship..in the end he's nice guy..

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    SB Champion Lieutenant o00's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prachi0905 View Post
    Hmmm....i'll try to do it..but its really hard you know...when he talks to me i forget everything..i tried so so hard for my previous relationship..but there's limit,,it cant be one sided effort..he is careless and insensitive but yes he was always loyal in the relationship..in the end he's nice guy..
    What else you need then.. make him feel your importance in his life and what he will be without you.. girls are good in drama, let your waterworks (tears) on for 1 day.. just like hindi TV serials.. do the same stuff those women do.. and tell him that he has to change or else ... blah blah

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    Girl, I totally understand your dilemma. I have exactly been there (all the 7 year of relationship/ugly fights and what not) and to tell you honestly, till the day of my wedding, I was of an opinion that my life is gonna be hell! I would term him as self-obsessed/ insensitive/conservative/disrespectful/controlling/abusive at times etc etc). Kinda went ahead with wedding under parental pressure. But after the wedding, things change. I don't think I could get someone better than him. The fact that he is marrying you says a lot about him. Mind you, there are those dozens of guys there whom you would fall for,who would claim to love you etc etc. But do you think they really are loyal to you? Or would go against odds and marry you? No!

    There must be something about this guy that makes you say he is \compatible to you' and 'nice'. These words are enough for both of you to live a happy and peaceful life. Not everyone is perfect. You have to accept people with their good and bad qualities. My advise to you is to just stop talking with this muslim guy and concentrate in your wedding. Start taking interest in the preparations/ the dress/the jewelry/the photographer and all the exciting stuff. Involve your fiance too. Enjoy your courtship period dear. This time is never gonna come back!

    Everytime you have doubts, just think of the positive qualities of this man you are marrying.It will definitely help you.
    "Love means exposing yourself to being deeply hurt by someone you love" - and yet I loved! The pain now is nothing but a part of the happiness then~~

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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    I hv been in a relationship since 7 yrs with a guy to which i am going to get married in 3 months..we were happy together although there were fights...i was crazy about him from the day we started our relationship. But he was kind of insensitive.. doesnot care about my feelings much..i used to cry so much and prayed to god to give me strength not to love him so much..he was always busy in his life..i started ignoring him..it was hard for me..but a few months before i met a guy whom i started to like..i think he likes me too. I can see in his eyes. We dont talk much, we met often then also i feel some kind of connection with him.,he's muslim and i am hindu..he is one yr younger than me.earns lesser than me.in one way i feel he's not compatible to me..but i am strongly attracted to him,,i started loving him i guess.i cant stop thinking about him.i feel he too finds ways to talk to me..the person to which i am going to get married is more n most compatible to me.he is well settled,belongs to good family and is at respectable position in a psu .then also i am afraid to get married soon.,somewhere inside i want to break that relationship as there were so many bad experiences but i cant do that coz it'll hurt my family and break them down forever.he also doesnot belong to my community then also they allowed me to marry him,,they'll never trust me after this..i am going mad what to do..plz help i need suggestions..only a few months left..please !! Whom should i marry??
    How easy..
    Well, you will 'fall in love' many times in your life, how many times would you cheat and betray your partner..?? I say 'fall in love' because it seems love 'just happens' in your dictionary.

    The rule is, 'When you are in a RELATIONSHIP, DO NOT back stab'.. Thinking about being with another guy is as good as cheating.

    If you had problems with your BF, you should have broken up with him long ago. Not wait for another guy to enter your life and then betray him.

    Think.

    G'day

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    Thanks "want2bca"...i needed that kind of answer...i'll go try for it sure...i realise i already knew this..but its really hard for me to stop thinking about the 2nd guy.,i dont know how to break that connection..

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    [QUOTE=a_decent_1;6494748]How easy..
    Well, you will 'fall in love' many times in your life, how many times would you cheat and betray your partner..?? I say 'fall in love' because it seems love 'just happens' in your dictionary.

    The rule is, 'When you are in a RELATIONSHIP, DO NOT back stab'.. Thinking about being with another guy is as good as cheating.

    If you had problems with your BF, you should have broken up with him long ago. Not wait for another guy to enter your life and then betray him.

    Think.

    i am really not that kind of girl otherwise i was unable to live a relationship for 7yrs..its a long period...believe me i tried so hard...i loved him madly...its in my nature that i go crazy for person i love..yes its happening to me 2nd time..i feel guilty for it from inside..i never wanted to be a cheater..i was always fully dedicated to my fiancee..at this time, that 2nd guy makes me happy..i laugh with him and it feels good...may be its not love only a sheer attraction. I actually want to come out of this.,..but this connection is irrestible.,,i know it'll ruin my life.,

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gudu Gudu Returns View Post

    Points 1 to 3 enough for calling off this relationship.

    Point No. 1 enough to keep your heads banging for the rest of your lives, and not to mention who all at your home. My own experience, my sister also married a guy from another religion, after a kid, but is so so even now. It creates a lot of societal problems not just for both of you but also for both the families. And remember He is a Muslim, remember Muslims though a minority are a majority in this country. So looking at how things have between Hindus and Muslims in our country, India, you have to think a lot and take a step ahead.

    My advice would be, call ofr this relationship as soon as possible.

    Regarding point No.4. Its better to go mad now, than marry this guy and make each and every person mad around you [read your parents, his parents, and most importantly you]
    I already knew there will be problems you're right,,but.,,

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    ..Yaar Patialavi.. Lieutenant-Colonel a_decent_1's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=prachi0905;6494826]
    Quote Originally Posted by a_decent_1 View Post
    How easy..
    Well, you will 'fall in love' many times in your life, how many times would you cheat and betray your partner..?? I say 'fall in love' because it seems love 'just happens' in your dictionary.

    The rule is, 'When you are in a RELATIONSHIP, DO NOT back stab'.. Thinking about being with another guy is as good as cheating.

    If you had problems with your BF, you should have broken up with him long ago. Not wait for another guy to enter your life and then betray him.

    Think.

    i am really not that kind of girl otherwise i was unable to live a relationship for 7yrs..its a long period...believe me i tried so hard...i loved him madly...its in my nature that i go crazy for person i love..yes its happening to me 2nd time..i feel guilty for it from inside..i never wanted to be a cheater..i was always fully dedicated to my fiancee..at this time, that 2nd guy makes me happy..i laugh with him and it feels good...may be its not love only a sheer attraction. I actually want to come out of this.,..but this connection is irrestible.,,i know it'll ruin my life.,
    Obviously..
    He is new, there is spark.. This will always happen. Whats the big deal..? You will always be attracted to someone new, that is human nature.

    The point is, that loyal people just stop talking to that person. If I find myself attracted to a girl, i quit talking at once and distance myself. That is what 'being loyal' is all about.

    G'day

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    So, there is this guy who is Mister money in the bank, Would make a good provider, Breadwinner for life, Loyal as a dog, Well respected family guy, Future reliable husband and good father, but the relationship is more like good mates who fallout sometimes rather than lovers and true soul mates.

    There's another guy who has all the passion and romance, He is all hormones and is puppy love. Everything seems like fresh from oven and exciting. Everytime you get to know this person and you feel on top of the world but with whom a future is less certain.

    And then there is a prima donna who thinks it's filmy as it gets when choosing between a seven year itch and a potential rebound. The proverbial cold feet is melancholous and is in a state of limbo somewhere between breaking the shackles and surrender mode.

    Wish you a Happy Marriage, three months in advance girl!!!

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