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Thread: My wife is keeping secrets

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    Default My wife is keeping secrets

    Hello agony aunt...I am a 34 year old male and my wife is 25.I recently got married.Its been 2 months.It was an arranged marriage.The problem is once I asked for her facebook password as I wanted to see her activities and the stuff she does on Facebook but she clearly said no I can't give u access to my account as I have my own privacy.I was hurt as I'm her husband now and there are no secrets between a husband and wife.Also she does not login to her Facebook or any other ID from our common laptop,she uses her cellphone for using such accounts or even for using internet.Once i tried to see her cellphone but found that it was pattern protected.I mean,what is this mam? Is there anything she is hiding from me? Is there anything fishy? These things literally baffle me.I mean she can ask for my password or touch my phone whenever she wants.But what is this? Am I right? What should I do?

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Look. the thing is we tend to tread into each others' personal space not because we need to do so but just because we feel that the other has no business to deny us that right. See, it is not at all necessary that your wife is upto some hanky panky. in fact, many people do not want to share theit interactions with their parents, siblings, friends etc with their spouses, and there really is nothing fishy about that.
    Why are you so insistent on prying into her mail etc? When and if she wants to share with you, she will. You must be a FB friend anyway, so you would have a pretty good idea as to who all she is interacting with, so why the inquisitiveness?
    If she has been behaving in a suspicious way in any other form, then you can feel puzzled, but as of now, just take it easy.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Hello agony aunt...I am a 34 year old male and my wife is 25.I recently got married.Its been 2 months.It was an arranged marriage.The problem is once I asked for her facebook password as I wanted to see her activities and the stuff she does on Facebook but she clearly said no I can't give u access to my account as I have my own privacy.I was hurt as I'm her husband now and there are no secrets between a husband and wife.Also she does not login to her Facebook or any other ID from our common laptop,she uses her cellphone for using such accounts or even for using internet.Once i tried to see her cellphone but found that it was pattern protected.I mean,what is this mam? Is there anything she is hiding from me? Is there anything fishy? These things literally baffle me.I mean she can ask for my password or touch my phone whenever she wants.But what is this? Am I right? What should I do?
    Possibilities might be 100, but I dont want you to over think.

    Instead of sitting and thinking and asking questions to Preeto Aunty.

    Confront your wife.

    Talk it out as to what kind of privacy she needs.

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    there is pretty much diff between you n your wife age so she is more advance than you, def she has some sort of relation ship with other guys or any previous bf's i can say because i m also a 25 male i know, how much girl are now a days so called modern, a boy or a girl only lock his/her phone in only for one or two conditons thats is sms's or pics so she is def hiding something i can only say keep n eye on her and make a good bonding with her

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    SB Champion Lieutenant o00's Avatar
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    You are an old fashioned man with insecurities. She might be 100% faithful. Privacy is every one's right.. even if you are her husband, she has full right to have privacy on her social networking activities.

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    ..Yaar Patialavi.. Lieutenant-Colonel a_decent_1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Hello agony aunt...I am a 34 year old male and my wife is 25.I recently got married.Its been 2 months.It was an arranged marriage.The problem is once I asked for her facebook password as I wanted to see her activities and the stuff she does on Facebook but she clearly said no I can't give u access to my account as I have my own privacy.I was hurt as I'm her husband now and there are no secrets between a husband and wife.Also she does not login to her Facebook or any other ID from our common laptop,she uses her cellphone for using such accounts or even for using internet.Once i tried to see her cellphone but found that it was pattern protected.I mean,what is this mam? Is there anything she is hiding from me? Is there anything fishy? These things literally baffle me.I mean she can ask for my password or touch my phone whenever she wants.But what is this? Am I right? What should I do?
    1. There is no SECRECY in marriage.
    2. There is PRIVACY in marriage.

    Do not confuse the two. She is allowed to talk to her friends in private (privacy). She is not allowed to talk to her friends behind your back (secrecy)

    Having said that, she is definitely hiding something from you and you need to take note of it. If she does not tell you her password, let her not have an internet connection at all. If her mobile is password protected, let her not have a mobile at all.

    Same goes for you.

    G'day

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    Quote Originally Posted by a_decent_1 View Post
    1. There is no SECRECY in marriage.
    2. There is PRIVACY in marriage.

    Do not confuse the two. She is allowed to talk to her friends in private (privacy). She is not allowed to talk to her friends behind your back (secrecy)

    Having said that, she is definitely hiding something from you and you need to take note of it. If she does not tell you her password, let her not have an internet connection at all. If her mobile is password protected, let her not have a mobile at all.

    Same goes for you.

    G'day
    Agreed totally..
    look this generation has changed a lot, its different from how things used to be. I know trust is very important for any couple or in fact anybody, but we should also agree that its really difficult to gain. To gain and to maintain trust its important for one to prove their loyalty. Its not wrong with you trying to be a part of your wife's life too.. but make sure you don't intend to barge in into her conversation with friends or cousins. Make sure you tell her how much trust is important for anybody to maintain a healthy relationship. If she agrees that instant to show you her phone then good, go ahead and see for yourself, if not then brother something has gone wrong somewhere. Have a blessed life.

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    you have to change your views......

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    See, i personally feel, Why question something for which u may not like the Answers.
    If u trust ur wife then stop asking such questions and if u still want some clarification in this regard then u can only do one thing, just simply(with a very calm attitude) as her if she has anything to tell/share which she hadn't till now cause of some problem/doubt.

    That's it... if she answer's that, then u will get what u seek and if she doesn't don't pester her and pick up a fight, cause that won't solve anything but make matters worse.
    Remember, truth never can bee hidden. I has to come out one day or the other. Wait for that time.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Hello agony aunt...I am a 34 year old male and my wife is 25.I recently got married.Its been 2 months.It was an arranged marriage.The problem is once I asked for her facebook password as I wanted to see her activities and the stuff she does on Facebook but she clearly said no I can't give u access to my account as I have my own privacy.I was hurt as I'm her husband now and there are no secrets between a husband and wife.Also she does not login to her Facebook or any other ID from our common laptop,she uses her cellphone for using such accounts or even for using internet.Once i tried to see her cellphone but found that it was pattern protected.I mean,what is this mam? Is there anything she is hiding from me? Is there anything fishy? These things literally baffle me.I mean she can ask for my password or touch my phone whenever she wants.But what is this? Am I right? What should I do?
    look bro even if u r married many people have their own privacy and their own space. its not fishy but u r over reacting. The cooperation in marraige comes from both parties but not by asking.

  11. #11
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    ​i think u shud hire FBI to crack yhe secret............buddy chill let her have her own private space........its none of ur business.........i think ur wife is not at all wrong as far as she is loyal to you..........
    Can't imagine cricket without sachin

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    "These things literally baffle me.I mean she can ask for my password or touch my phone whenever she wants.But what is this? Am I right? What should I do?"

    If she can ask for your password and touch your phone then you do have equal rights to ask for password and touch her phone. Try to figure it out, what is cooking.

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    Dont wry brother! Ur wife is not matured yet. Let her show privacy, bt you keep on sharing everything to her,even passwrds. Soon, she will learn something from you. And she will be fine. Gd day.

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    And one more thing. I think is no privacy, secrecy or space in between husband & wife. You are correct. If these things remain in btw, relation is not complete. You cant trust your partner.

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    The only thing wrong with the younger generation is that you are not a part of it.

    Sharing is caring. But sharing the same toothbrush, the same lingerie, the same perfume, the same razor is gross. She might be talking to her girlie-friends about your exploits in the bedroom. They could be comparing notes. This is not cheating or a breach of trust. She might be telling her cousin that you eat 5 parathas for breakfast. This is her own observation and she finds it amusing, but not offensive. Each person needs their own space. If something is fishy, it is bound to raise a stink.

    Your willingness to drop your guard and expose yourself completely does not mandate similar reciprocation. I used to walk around naked at home, but do not expect my wife to. Why do you want to see her activities on a vicarious medium? You are planting a seed of suspicion that will grow on to become a malignant tumour and will haunt you for eternity. I would also like my wife to keep the door open when she takes a shower, but she refuses. You need to be more liberal. You should do nothing.

    Logical Guru loves women who keep secrets. They are so much more mystical and desirable

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