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Thread: Friend causing problem in life

  1. #1
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    Default Friend causing problem in life

    Hiya

    Help me with some solution please. I live with my husband in Mumbai but we are originally from Nagpur. We've been married for over a year now and everything was going smooth except small fights and arguments.

    Since a month one of my best friend has moved to Mumbai for further studies and we agreed to share our house with her. We are not charging her anything being friend and she also behaves like a family member so will bring household stuff and whatever required by herself.

    The problem is she is getting very close to my husband... Not physically but otherwise. They spend a lot of time chit chatting, discussing movies, life etc etc. initially I was okay but recently it's got too much and bothering me a lot. Lot of times my husband will ask me to sleep and sit and talk to her late at night. Even when going out for shopping he is okay if I stay at home but he will ask her to accompany me. If at home he will keep me busy with kitchen or other things and chit chat with her. I am not jealous but just need my time. It's so much at the moment that our physical relationship is also affected since couple of weeks.

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    OK! This can get a bit hassling for you, so you should try and put an end to it soon. In the sense that its not at all necessary that there is anything between your friend and husband, but it is not good if you are feeling left out and jealous. You should talk to your husband and tell him exactly what you are feeling. You can also ask your friend that she should look for another place. Tell her that you like her being in your home but your marriage is far too young and you need some time with your husband to build it up, so she should look for another place. do it nicely, so that no one is hurt and you don't get looked upon as an unreasonable person.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Hiya

    Help me with some solution please. I live with my husband in Mumbai but we are originally from Nagpur. We've been married for over a year now and everything was going smooth except small fights and arguments.

    Since a month one of my best friend has moved to Mumbai for further studies and we agreed to share our house with her. We are not charging her anything being friend and she also behaves like a family member so will bring household stuff and whatever required by herself.

    The problem is she is getting very close to my husband... Not physically but otherwise. They spend a lot of time chit chatting, discussing movies, life etc etc. initially I was okay but recently it's got too much and bothering me a lot. Lot of times my husband will ask me to sleep and sit and talk to her late at night. Even when going out for shopping he is okay if I stay at home but he will ask her to accompany me. If at home he will keep me busy with kitchen or other things and chit chat with her. I am not jealous but just need my time. It's so much at the moment that our physical relationship is also affected since couple of weeks.
    She? Best friend? Think again.

    Your mistake, perhaps you are still a kid who thinks MY BEST FRIEND, BEST FRIEND, blah blah..

    Once married, each best friend no more remains a best friend when invited into your own house to stay together, but becomes the other woman, and vice-versa.

    If she is really such a good friend, talk to her, tell her to move out. As simple as that.

    And do not repeat such mistake of inviting a friend over and tell your husband too the same, as to not invite foolishly someone into your house to stay with you ppl.

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    Now there is a reason why people charge rent or at least some form of payment from friends or relatives too - which is beyond the monetary aspect. It's to create a psychological effect that reminds them every month that you are the boss of the house and they are likely to get the boot if they mess with you. In a city where people won't even slap for free you've allowed your friend to stay with you for free. I'm assuming it's a temporary thing and you're just helping her out until she finds a place of her own. However, the way you have described your situation at home - clearly if you don't intervene or expedite her moving-out process now, then this may lead to something unpleasant. Don't tell me you can't see that coming. Your husband may think you are overreacting or being unreasonable but that's still better than being cheated or backstabbed later, right? Further, you cook or stay busy with whatever while she spends time with your husband, why? You should involve her with tasks too and keep her busy while you get to spend some time with him. That's the least she could do as a friend. If you don't exercise your authority and discourage their building feelings now, I won't be surprised if in a few days someone comes on here and puts up an anonymous post titled "In love with best friend's husband" or even worse "In love with wife's best friend" - in fact we get a lot of those queries here.

    So good luck with that.
    Last edited by dAIC; 10-08-2013 at 10:37 PM.

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    Tell your husband that you anr not comfortable and he needs to make distance with her. Also, have her find her own place.. you guys need your privacy.

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    the only option is asking her to find a new place for herself otherwise you need to be patient.....

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    tell her that your in laws are planning to visit you ppl and will probably stay there for almost a month..and they would mind if someone stays along with them..point out privacy issues too..

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    Thumbs up whatever u r sensing is right

    mmmmmm well its high time take control over ur house or else some one else will take ur place , whatever u r sensing is right , ur husband is avoiding u and taking interest in your friend , well i think u better tell ur friend to shift somewhere else , make any excuse , tell ur friend to find some other place , take control over ur husband , ur first mistake was to allow her in ur house to stay , now its affecting u and ur married life as u can see , talk to ur husband plan out , tell him that u dont like talking to her and avoiding u , tell ur husband straight away , tell him u r going throw her out anyways , throw in the sense make some excuse and let her find some other place , now how u gona make her leave ur home that u have to think , do it by hook or crook , think now what u want husband or friend or just being good and watching shit happening in front of u and messing up ur and ur married life , its high time take control , if time comes be stern , actually ur friend should also understand how can she be like that , huh .

    some ppl will also say , u r unnecessarily worried or jealous but if u avoid this situation , then u gona make the situation more worse , so dont pay attention to such ppl , take control of things right now , Best of luck .


    one idea is u can talk to you mother in law about the situation , take her in confidence and then plan out the thing , i mean tell ur inlaws are comming their and will stay here only so u need to find some other place, or some of ur sis or bro is comming there , somebody of urs so she has to leave and find other place, u can help her find other place but u go with her to find place not ur husband bcoz ur husband will enjoy going with her , so do try out this idea , ideas are manny , use any and solve ur problem any how before situation goes out of hand , be bit dominating , be the ruler of ur home kind of , so that ppl dont mess up with u or ur house .
    Last edited by ickon2004; 13-08-2013 at 12:43 AM.

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    My best mates wouldn't let me into their place when their wives are alone in their houses even though half of them think that I am secretly gay. What where you thinking?

    1) Just ask her to move out.
    2) Make her life miserable so that she moves out on her own.

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    Moderator Major General galaxy_resident's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Hiya

    Help me with some solution please. I live with my husband in Mumbai but we are originally from Nagpur. We've been married for over a year now and everything was going smooth except small fights and arguments.

    Since a month one of my best friend has moved to Mumbai for further studies and we agreed to share our house with her. We are not charging her anything being friend and she also behaves like a family member so will bring household stuff and whatever required by herself.

    The problem is she is getting very close to my husband... Not physically but otherwise. They spend a lot of time chit chatting, discussing movies, life etc etc. initially I was okay but recently it's got too much and bothering me a lot. Lot of times my husband will ask me to sleep and sit and talk to her late at night. Even when going out for shopping he is okay if I stay at home but he will ask her to accompany me. If at home he will keep me busy with kitchen or other things and chit chat with her. I am not jealous but just need my time. It's so much at the moment that our physical relationship is also affected since couple of weeks.
    1. Tell your husband how are you feeling
    2. While doing household work, try to involve your friend in it too.
    3. Avoid those situations in which you have to leave your husband and your friend together.
    4. Try suggesting your friend some hostel or some room, so that she gets the hint that she has to leave soon indirectly.
    Fight your Fears and you will be in Battle Forever
    Control your Fears and you will be Free Forever



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