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Thread: Problem with my boyfriend

  1. #1
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    Exclamation Problem with my boyfriend

    Hello Everyone,
    I am in relationship with a guy from 5 years. We started when we were doing B.Tech. We are both 26 and working. It’s a long distance relationship from 2.5 years. I stay in Bangalore and he stays in Rajasthan. We meet for 4-5 days in 5 months when he comes to Bangalore to meet me. In a year we'll get married.
    So the problem is, we already stay so far with each other.. But when he comes i feel disrespected. in a way like we go somewhere i‘ll do the talking to auto walas, talking to cab drivers, where and how we are going somewhere, he will just come with me, and when he don’t like what plans i made, he‘ll keep on cribbing, and shows how uncomfortable he is and how poor planner i am and when i ask him to make plans. He simply says he is new to the city, i understand this but he has come over several times and internet can provide us a lot of information. Ex.. Once we went for a day trip and while coming back the cab driver took some different route and i was so scared that might be the driver is taking somewhere else...but hopefully nothing wrong happened. But in the mean time my bf was simply sleeping was not thinking that i am so tensed and all. I don’t want to be a controlling girlfriend but he behaves so weird that he won’t take any initiative. i know these are very pity issues. But i am facing this from so long so i am kind of frustrated and pissed. I tried talking to him but he has all the reasons to prove him right. When i am alone in city i have to manage everything alone but even when my guy is there if things are same, then the feel of being relationship sometimes fade away. Sometimes i don’t feel that i am with my guy i feel that i am his mommy who has to tell him everything. So just want to ask you guys is this normal what he is doing or i am over thinking and making things complicated.
    Thanks in advance. And have a nice day

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Hi!

    OK, so basically, there's a sense of disconnect and different expectations between the two of you. You may want to spend some more time together to see if this relationship is really working, can it be revived or have you actually moved apart. Time to do a major scrutiny of the whole thing. Most likely, its just that you are not spending time together so are not used to each others ways. However, it may be wise to find out before getting married, if you can deal with each other.

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    While women have the tendency to be sensitive, men are generally more laid-back. And this is supposed to naturally balance energies and make relationships beautiful, indispensable and rewarding. However, this doesn't seem to be the case with you two. Since half of your relationship has been virtual, your mind has formed an image of him that is not consistent with reality. But this an usual occurrence because the mind doesn't pick up (or assumes) several small details, such as behavioral changes, situational spontaneity, emotional instincts, etc, on a virtual platform. It's only when you're exposed to that person and see him react in different events (good and bad) that you understand his actual behavioral patterns, attitude towards things and general approach. So I would reiterate Preeto's view that you should try to spend more time with him in person and find out if you are compatible in reality. If not, then he needs to put in effort or you'll need to adjust so that the equation doesn't get any worse than it already is, right?

    Good luck.
    Last edited by dAIC; 05-10-2013 at 10:04 PM.

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    ..Yaar Patialavi.. Colonel a_decent_1's Avatar
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    What is happening to Relationships these days..? 5 years worth of Relationship and now you realize all this.? How can you even fall for a guy like that..?

    Let me begin with saying that IT IS NOT NORMAL what he does. Men normally take initiative when they are with girls. Is he the shy kind or something.?

    Why don't you go to his place once and see if he behaves like this..? That would clear your doubt if he actually does this as he is "new to your place" or this is how he is. Visit his place once and see of he takes initiative.

    G'day

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    SB Champion Lieutenant Inspector Pathan's Avatar
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    rightly said...visit his place and see...

  6. #6
    SB Wizard Captain o00's Avatar
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    I think you are making a big deal out of it. That's how he is and that's how he is gonna be for ever. You gotta learn to live with it.

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    Adopt him. Be his mother and find a husband who will agree to look after him. There are serious compatibility issues here. He is lazy, uninterested and probably banging someone on the side. Introspect and take a fresh look at things

  8. #8
    SB Addict mysticmantra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Hello Everyone,
    I am in relationship with a guy from 5 years. We started when we were doing B.Tech. We are both 26 and working. It’s a long distance relationship from 2.5 years. I stay in Bangalore and he stays in Rajasthan. We meet for 4-5 days in 5 months when he comes to Bangalore to meet me. In a year we'll get married.
    So the problem is, we already stay so far with each other.. But when he comes i feel disrespected. in a way like we go somewhere i‘ll do the talking to auto walas, talking to cab drivers, where and how we are going somewhere, he will just come with me, and when he don’t like what plans i made, he‘ll keep on cribbing, and shows how uncomfortable he is and how poor planner i am and when i ask him to make plans. He simply says he is new to the city, i understand this but he has come over several times and internet can provide us a lot of information. Ex.. Once we went for a day trip and while coming back the cab driver took some different route and i was so scared that might be the driver is taking somewhere else...but hopefully nothing wrong happened. But in the mean time my bf was simply sleeping was not thinking that i am so tensed and all. I don’t want to be a controlling girlfriend but he behaves so weird that he won’t take any initiative. i know these are very pity issues. But i am facing this from so long so i am kind of frustrated and pissed. I tried talking to him but he has all the reasons to prove him right. When i am alone in city i have to manage everything alone but even when my guy is there if things are same, then the feel of being relationship sometimes fade away. Sometimes i don’t feel that i am with my guy i feel that i am his mommy who has to tell him everything. So just want to ask you guys is this normal what he is doing or i am over thinking and making things complicated.
    Thanks in advance. And have a nice day
    Basically there is lack of communication and enthu in between two coz u want to be pampered and he is lazy like a ox. U expect certain degree of warmth and he is totally cold. The best thing is have clear discussion this and wht is his need and wht u need and how both of ur needs can satisfied after marriage. Have a nice day......

  9. #9
    New Born sachingulyani's Avatar
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    Definition of Problem

    Difference between the expectation and reality is problem
    PROBLEM = EXPECTATION - REALITY

    Just think by yourself how far is expectation from reality. More gap means more problem. It depends on tolerance capacity of yours.

    I think after 5 years of relation and that too alive after long distance, you will not be able to take a negative stand to leave him on this basis.
    So better ignore somethings and try to improve other things. It will work.

    P.S. I love to see people like you in relation since a long time even if there is long distance relationship. These all are small issues, what is more important is trust and loyalty to each other. I can make out from your post that trust and loyalty is still there between you too.

    Good luck and have a happy married life. God bless you both.
    Last edited by sachingulyani; 08-10-2013 at 10:33 AM. Reason: Grammatical mistake

  10. #10
    Bourne Captain RoleModel007's Avatar
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    - No offense, but I am not the first one to ask "five years and it never felt like sugar mama and her boy toy?".

    - Your inability to handle his immaturity isn't your fault or his. You two just don't mesh well.

    - Try talking to him about it. If he agrees to work it out then fine, otherwise dump this boy for a real man.

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