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Thread: Does he love me or not?

  1. #1
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    Default Does he love me or not?

    I've been married since 5 years now, I've known hubby for 3 yrs before zat. We now hav a 2 yr old baby.
    My mother-in-law has always been bad to me since i'm from a lower caste. Elder sister-in-law: jealous of me because i'm a working wife & she's a housewife. Elder Bro-in-law joh bhi biwi bakti hein-sach ya jooth-he believes her only. Younger bro-in-law ka mein naukar hoon. When i try to discuss with hubby, his reactions about all these situations are:
    1. forget about them
    2. you are spoiling the mood
    3. its not the time to talk about all these
    4. go to sleep!
    5. my brothers have always supported me i cant talk to them
    6. my mother is an mentally ill person(which i donbt), dont take her seriously

    Hubby was "i love you soooo much" when i shut up my mouth over his mom n bhabhis mis-doing towards me, my playing maid to his bro. he calls it "taking good care of them."

    Years passed by and finally my being accused of theft within the house was the worst of all.

    Mom-in-law & bro-in-law(i believe ki ek police officer(bro-in-law ka friend) bhi saath the-but cant confirm) talked to hubby, made him call me at work, put the mobile on loudspeaker and questioned me about the theft.

    I was like: is he the same man who once told me he loves me, he wants to live the rest of his life with me...??
    Since then many things and situations came through my mind, questioning his "love" for me.

    From the very beginning of our relationship he lied to me about his age(but told me the truth about his father joh uss waqt jail mein tha).
    I have always asked him: you had many girls running after you before we started dating then why me?
    His answer: i love you (when i ask why you love me , why you chose me - he says he doesn't know!!!
    Shaadi ke din he left me sitting alone while he was busy with his friends and cousins.
    He is always out at night. He would meet up with his friends n cousins to play cards sometimes till 1 am at night.
    During sundays he wud meet up with his sisters, bhabhis, brothers , cousins etc for a card party. he'll always go alone, never asking me whether i'd like to join in too. And now lately each week end he would drop me & baby at my mom's place on fridays or saturdays and will come to pick me up on sunday only. when i tell him to stay over he'll always find some excuses to avoid.

    There are lots more to write but these 2 points have always been in my mind, like the pain of a knife in my back.
    I dont say ki mein duniya ka sabse perfect insaan hoon, mujh mein koi booraiyaan nahin hein.... but
    Where is he guy who once said he loves me. have i been the one who changed overt he years or did he?
    Have i been asking for too much?
    Does asking for pati ka pyar, support & vishwas was too much?
    Have i lost his love??
    Or does he even know what LOVE means...

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Hi! Well, I do sympathise with you- you are obviously hurt and annoyed and have been through a rough time. But you know, we cannot answer these questions for you. All we can do is to advise you to keep your cool and try and go through this tough time with fortitude and strength. One keeps going over the past trying to find answers there- sometimes one finds them, sometimes not. The thing is to see how to live best in the present and look forward to the future. You have a job and a child- use that as support for now and try and be brave.

  3. #3
    SB Wizard Captain o00's Avatar
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    You need to do some drama to test him. Ask him to move out of the house with you.
    You never know what you can become ..

  4. #4
    Bullet Raja Major General Gudu Gudu Returns's Avatar
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    It's not that love is not there, but these are perks which come free of cost, when you choose to live with parent-in-laws.


    It's just the art of managing ppl around you.

    Testing love, i will not suggest.
    आपका अपना,
    Gudu Gudu ರಿಟರ್ನ್ಸ್

  5. #5
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    Don't go down that road now. You are very late for finding faults with your husband and in-laws. However, if you still want to - then be ready for vitriolic criticism/consequences.

    You need to spin the situation positively for yourself, and clearly that won't happen until you stop pitying yourself. If things are not working at home, there are number of things you can do for others - for the outside world. Usually friends and outsiders reciprocate/appreciate your efforts considerably more than your own family, mainly because you don't have to. Join some social cause, do some social service, and make a name for yourself in the society and then your family will be forced to like you.

    Generally, when outsiders start respecting you, family members are more inclined to please you or at least share a good equation with you. So outside influence is your best bet, anything else that you try will most likely have a significant negative attached to it, not to mention the unnecessary fuss, not like their acceptance will win you a Nobel prize. You can live without it. You have been doing it for years.

    Good luck.
    Last edited by dAIC; 30-03-2014 at 05:57 PM.

  6. #6
    SB Champion Lieutenant Inspector Pathan's Avatar
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    all i can say is that husband is not supportive...as now you have a child too nothing much can be done except for tolerance and patience good luck....

  7. #7
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    Sometimes it happens

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