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Thread: Extremely successful relatives

  1. #1
    Mohit Goyal
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    Angry Extremely successful relatives

    Hello ma'am
    I have been living in a strange dilemma for many years. I am a male (26) from Kutch. I come from a family where my cousins are well educated and well settled. One of my cousins is an IIT Graduate and works in the US. Another one is an MBA from a reputed institute in Gujarat and is an AVP in a reputed bank. My niece has just started working in Infosys. One of my cousins is working as a Technical lead in a leading IT company and other cousins also belong to more or less in the same field. So naturally my parents had a lot of expectations from me. I was an above average student till my 12th and scored 69.83% marks. After that I did my graduation from Baroda where I didn't do well. After that I did my PGDM from a local institute (not so well renowned as compared to my cousins' institutes). I was working for a leading Pipes, Towels manufacturing company till last February and quit to pursue my dream of working in Public Sector banks for which I am appearing in upcoming banking exams. Now my problem is, looking at my cousins'/niece's careers and the institutes from which they have completed their education, I feel a lot inferior in terms of MY education and career choice. I am constantly getting this thought that I am far inferior to them as I am not at par with them. As a result, I have stopped interacting with them thinking that they would neglect me every now and then and would not consider me in their company. I constantly think that compared to them, I have not fulfilled my parents' expectation. I think that my uncles and aunts and cousins would think that I am the black sheep of the family whenever I meet them. I always feel inferior and am pushing myself too hard to prove that I am something to them. I know they are, no one to prove them and should be myself, but these thoughts I am not able to divert. Please, need your assistance. What should be my thought process? am I right?

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Hi there! You already know that your reaction to your cousins and your feelings of inferiority are not justified. Look, its not they who are making yo feel bad- its you, yourself.
    Give yourself a chance, Some of us are late starters and we have our own dreams to follow- and our own timelines. Being envious of them is going to impact yo negatively and spoil your relationship. So be a happy, supportive cousin and do your own thing at your own pace.

  3. #3
    ♥ fєmmє fαtαlє ♥ Major Sweet Mimi's Avatar
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    My dear do yourself a favor.... stop considering other people!! the more you feel concern about people the more your life will become hell!!! even if you have million reasons to be sad.. always look for that one reason to be happy!!!!!! life is really complicated my dear.. we constantly need to fight our unhappiness!!!! change the way you think, you will feel better!!! you did what you can!!! its not that you sat and slept and didnt work hard!!!! if the outcome wasnt the same its not your fault!!! accept yourself the way you are!!

    this is a too small thing to feel bad... whenever you feel like this, tell yourself there are many other people leading a worse life than mine!! am better off, it helps psychologically!!! after all its true... certain people fighting dangerous health issue!! happiness looks far to reach for them because even money cant buy health... some are completely poor!! others are facing wars.... where they are living in terror!!!

    the most important thing is you have peace of mind... dont let this peace go away for such a stupid reason!!! smile for having a beautiful life!!!! you are you!!! do what make you happy not what make others happy!!!! because its impossible to please everyone!!
    I'm a shhh girl
    Loving me could be a crime

  4. #4
    SB Wizard Captain theachiever's Avatar
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    If you want to celebrate life...........never compare it with others..........every1's life is different.........what you think about yourself matters more than what others think about you ........parents expectations are natural since they provide you education, care and love.........but remember that you are answerable to ppl who matter to you which are your parents and yourself.........try interacting with your cousins ........if they genuinely care for you they will help you out.........else there are many sites of public service exam ..........aim for what you truly want not to people please others or society
    Live ur lyf lyk U r the director of a movie.Can’t control 100% ,roll wid the punches as if U were calling the shots.

  5. #5
    SB Wizard Major harry_putter's Avatar
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    bro my mom used to tell me one thing.....never look to the people who are above you.....but always look at people who have nothing....
    someone in your college/school, previous workplace will be their who wants to be like you, but still cant....pity them....and pity yourself.....make peace with yourself....

    Good luck in your Future endeavors....


    PS:As iron is eaten away by rust, so the envious are consumed by their own passion.


    Kullu man alaiha Faan....


  6. #6
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    I agree with all the above posts. You are being too harsh on yourself at this stage. You are just 26, I know it is not exactly a budding student but you have a long long way to go ahead & move upwards in life. Also understand that no 2 human beings are equal, everyone is made differently with different skill sets. Imagine if Lata Mangeshkar had to play cricket or Sachin Tendulkar was asked to sing, would we have known either of them. So do what you are doing well. Don't push yourself too hard.

    Try to be happy with what you have & the existing skills which god has gifted you with. Pushing yourself too hard will not be able to get you anywhere except making you frustrated. Comparing yourself with an IITian or an IIM cousin is only going leave you more inferior & not take you anywhere. I am sure you agree that you have a good 34-35 years of professional career left in you. Make the best of that & assess yourself only when you are in your mid 30's. The most important part is the barometer for success should not be your cousins but what goal you have set for yourself & what you have been able to achieve till that point. Understand the fact that not everyone can become a Sachin Tendulkar even if one loves cricket or plays it well. You need to be realistic in terms of your own strengths & weaknesses & accordingly set goals for yourself. All of us desire to be very successful in life & have fame, name & money but very few are able to achieve it in a lifetime. So rather than looking at what you don't have & being unhappy about it, look at the all the qualities you have, make the best use of it & most of us will be able to reach where we want to be. Hope this helps.

  7. #7
    « rahmaniac » Lieutenant-Colonel ariesgirl's Avatar
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    hi..everyone is special..and if you are happy with your career(when you think of it as such...not when u compare it to others),then you are a successful person....your happiness is what that matters....not comparisons with your relatives...if you are to distress about your life,then that's what your entire life would be about..nowhere in your posts you have spoken about your relatives purposefully trying to make you feel low...all you have written is what you are thinking in your head...thank god you dont at least have relatives that keep boasting about their children's high school,graduation marks and their current company,salary,salary hike,list of countries they are going for onsite and their grand children's school,marks and all those crap..well..i have got a few relatives of that kind...we are basically two sets of relatives..esp..cousins...one,those who feel proud of themselves when their moms keep boasting about them..and the other group to which i belong is generally turned off when these aunts start boasting and we sit at the other end passing comments and making fun of them and their children...this is what that happens at most of our family functions...well,there's a family marriage by august last...if you come with me,i will show it to you..our gang of cousins are already guessing what all things they would be telling this time because it's been around 4 years since we all met at a function..they call their children as EINSTEIN KIDS..and for them we are people graduating because luck favoured us..let it be...we are not living to impress them...we are least bothered of what they think about us..if their children are bill gates and ambani,then it's good for them..fine with us..they are not gonna help us in trouble either.and as of now,all of them must be waiting for me coz i just graduated this year and im jobless too...so they will be targeting me to shower a heap of advices...smartness is all about knowing when to play dumb.. so that's our mantra....and that's it..it's all about our attitude and how we use it..be unique...be you...be proud of you..be unique in your own way!
    Give people roses while they can still smell them. . .

  8. #8
    SB Wizard Captain o00's Avatar
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    It is normal, just keep trying to focus on yourself and work on your attitude. You are just a part of the food chain like we all are, some are at lower levels, some are at the higher. Not everybody can be at the higher level. Learn to be happy, a simple school pvt. teacher earning 10k per month can be happy too.
    You never know what you can become ..

  9. #9
    SB Addict mysticmantra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mohit Goyal View Post
    Hello ma'am
    I have been living in a strange dilemma for many years. I am a male (26) from Kutch. I come from a family where my cousins are well educated and well settled. One of my cousins is an IIT Graduate and works in the US. Another one is an MBA from a reputed institute in Gujarat and is an AVP in a reputed bank. My niece has just started working in Infosys. One of my cousins is working as a Technical lead in a leading IT company and other cousins also belong to more or less in the same field. So naturally my parents had a lot of expectations from me. I was an above average student till my 12th and scored 69.83% marks. After that I did my graduation from Baroda where I didn't do well. After that I did my PGDM from a local institute (not so well renowned as compared to my cousins' institutes). I was working for a leading Pipes, Towels manufacturing company till last February and quit to pursue my dream of working in Public Sector banks for which I am appearing in upcoming banking exams. Now my problem is, looking at my cousins'/niece's careers and the institutes from which they have completed their education, I feel a lot inferior in terms of MY education and career choice. I am constantly getting this thought that I am far inferior to them as I am not at par with them. As a result, I have stopped interacting with them thinking that they would neglect me every now and then and would not consider me in their company. I constantly think that compared to them, I have not fulfilled my parents' expectation. I think that my uncles and aunts and cousins would think that I am the black sheep of the family whenever I meet them. I always feel inferior and am pushing myself too hard to prove that I am something to them. I know they are, no one to prove them and should be myself, but these thoughts I am not able to divert. Please, need your assistance. What should be my thought process? am I right?
    The biggest prob u have is comparing urself wid others. Ur cousins seems to be bright n u too but ur own inferiority complex has led u down. everyone cant be same or achieve similar level of success but u can be best in ur field.In my family primarily our elders thoughts engineers and doctors are respectable field. I pursued normal graduation then did PG . Now I am in my last year of Doctoral degree. I never looked upto my cousins with envy but i always tried to do things in which I am good. I was never jealous or felt inferior but just kept on doing things. U urself have a lot of ego and expectation on urself. So leave tht n excel what u really wanted to do even if stitching a cloth but be the best.

  10. #10
    Young Gun
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    Wooo... why are you thinking so much... and that too which is manifested by your perception. You do not even have any evidence that do your realtive and cousins think about you the same as you are thinking...... so please stop thinking like this..... Instead... introspect yourself... stop comparing you with others.... as situations and skills of all people are different.... so their is no comparision..... understand your strength your field of interest and work hard to achieve that goal...... stop thinking all else....

    Who knows that your sucess can be inspiration for all others...... find your avenue and work hard

  11. #11
    SB Champion Lieutenant Inspector Pathan's Avatar
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    there is a simple rule you'll get whats written in your fate...nothing less nothing more.....

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