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Thread: She's getting married so want to phase out

  1. #1
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    Question She's getting married so want to phase out

    Hi,
    I am a 27 yrs old guy.. I was in a relationship with this girl for 1 - 1.5 yrs, long time back, during my college days.. It was a long distance relationship and aparantly things got complicated and we broke off eventually. But we never stopped talking except some pauses of few weeks. She moved on and got into relationships thereafter, but I, because of some reasons, couldn't. My personal, academic and then professional life was so bloody messed up that I couldn't think of anything else. Besides, I was in touch with her (*just as a friend*) so emotional support was there to some extent.
    My life is much better now. She is still in touch with me and I know eveything about her life (well, almost). She has shared details of her relationships, her problems, sorrows and joys with me.
    Its been 7 years now, I never had a relationship since. We have remain good friends. But lately this friendship is getting too much for me. Many a times, when I talk, or meet her, I am reminded of the times we spent together (which is not the case with her of course, as she had other relationships too). Not the feelings, mind you, just the memories. That troubles me. Well, I dont get depressed as such but yeah I feel lonely.

    I never cut off the talking part initially because of my feelings for her but then it became sort of a routine. Now I don't have any such feelings, nor do I imagine my future with her. As I know, too much water has flowen under the bridge.. She is just a good friend for me and so am I for her.

    The issue is, now that she is going to get married at some point of time, she still wants to continue to remain in touch as friends, which I am not very sure about.
    I konw how difficult it is for a guy to see her wife/gf having such close bonding with another guy, and is even worse if that guy is her Ex.
    I don't want to ruine her married life beacause of this.
    Besides, I am not sure how my future wife/gf would handle it (I being in touch with my Ex) ? We know that we are friends but partners usually don't approve of this, I guess.
    So, how to go about it now? Should I stop talking to her and don't stretch it further or continue the way it is going? I am not able to decide.. Utterly confused, pls help..

    Many thanks in advance.

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Hi! I'm glad that you are thinking about this and I support what you are saying and feeling. Its practical and sensible. In any case she will be busy after she gets married, so you can just space out communication with her.

    You can tell her that she should pay attention to her marriages in order to strengthen it. No need to make any statements about it, unless needed- just let it happen automatically, without much of a fuss.

  3. #3
    « rahmaniac » Lieutenant-Colonel ariesgirl's Avatar
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    i wish if everyone could think wise like you....you can talk to her about this as she is a good friend of yours...she can and will understand what you say...and she too would get your point....at the same time i dont find there's anything wrong in continuing friendship when you people are over each other and that you are good friends...she would be getting busy with her life once she gets married....so another possibility is that, she wouldn't even have time to chat with you afterwards...and gradually that friendship may end too...no one is hurt too...
    Give people roses while they can still smell them. . .

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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Hi,
    I am a 27 yrs old guy.. I was in a relationship with this girl for 1 - 1.5 yrs, long time back, during my college days.. It was a long distance relationship and aparantly things got complicated and we broke off eventually. But we never stopped talking except some pauses of few weeks. She moved on and got into relationships thereafter, but I, because of some reasons, couldn't. My personal, academic and then professional life was so bloody messed up that I couldn't think of anything else. Besides, I was in touch with her (*just as a friend*) so emotional support was there to some extent.
    My life is much better now. She is still in touch with me and I know eveything about her life (well, almost). She has shared details of her relationships, her problems, sorrows and joys with me.
    Its been 7 years now, I never had a relationship since. We have remain good friends. But lately this friendship is getting too much for me. Many a times, when I talk, or meet her, I am reminded of the times we spent together (which is not the case with her of course, as she had other relationships too). Not the feelings, mind you, just the memories. That troubles me. Well, I dont get depressed as such but yeah I feel lonely.

    I never cut off the talking part initially because of my feelings for her but then it became sort of a routine. Now I don't have any such feelings, nor do I imagine my future with her. As I know, too much water has flowen under the bridge.. She is just a good friend for me and so am I for her.

    The issue is, now that she is going to get married at some point of time, she still wants to continue to remain in touch as friends, which I am not very sure about.
    I konw how difficult it is for a guy to see her wife/gf having such close bonding with another guy, and is even worse if that guy is her Ex.
    I don't want to ruine her married life beacause of this.
    Besides, I am not sure how my future wife/gf would handle it (I being in touch with my Ex) ? We know that we are friends but partners usually don't approve of this, I guess.
    So, how to go about it now? Should I stop talking to her and don't stretch it further or continue the way it is going? I am not able to decide.. Utterly confused, pls help..

    Many thanks in advance.
    you look mature enough...
    continuing the "friendship" might create some problems in the future...as indian men/women are not so open (that includes me as well)....and its not good to be friends with your exes especially after they are married...
    i think you can take a softer way and make her understand the future situation...your wife or her husband may have an objection/problem with your earlier relationship..so why take chances...
    as you both have moved..i don't think it should be a problem...

  5. #5
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    If eventually it's going to be the end of relationship then it doesn't matter if you have a good standing with her or not. Why do you care so much about what she thinks? I don't see any one - other than her - that you can impress by your sweet-boy tactics.

    Sure there are people who maintain a healthy relationship even after breaking up - and you did well for some time but now you are clearly getting uncomfortable, so quit it.

    In black-or-white your options are -
    (1) Cut her off, let her think you are a weirdo for the rest of your life, it doesn't matter what she thinks because you are probably never going to see her again. Even if you do, you are not answerable to her any longer.
    (2) Endure, remain friends, but since the relationship doesn't really have an upside or scope for improvement, it will probably deteriorate and end at some point.

    Same result in both cases, not to mention, the gray area in between will also yield the same in most cases.

    Good luck.
    Last edited by dAIC; 02-11-2014 at 12:06 AM.

  6. #6
    SB Wizard Captain o00's Avatar
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    Yes, it is a wise decision to cut off with her completely.
    You never know what you can become ..

  7. #7
    SB Champion Lieutenant Inspector Pathan's Avatar
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    saying her good bye even as a friend is the last option.....HAPPY ENDING......

  8. #8
    DESTINY STILL ARRIVES! Brigadier General adirocksit's Avatar
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    Stop talking to her. Decision made.
    I Hope They Remember You...



  9. #9
    SB Wizard Major PARYANS's Avatar
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    Break all bonds with her n take more interest in ur own life......after few years, when u vl settle professionally n personally u vl find that ur this decision was 100% correct.......dont waste ur life anymore.....
    happiness needs no reason

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Hi,
    I am a 27 yrs old guy.. I was in a relationship with this girl for 1 - 1.5 yrs, long time back, during my college days.. It was a long distance relationship and aparantly things got complicated and we broke off eventually. But we never stopped talking except some pauses of few weeks. She moved on and got into relationships thereafter, but I, because of some reasons, couldn't. My personal, academic and then professional life was so bloody messed up that I couldn't think of anything else. Besides, I was in touch with her (*just as a friend*) so emotional support was there to some extent.
    My life is much better now. She is still in touch with me and I know eveything about her life (well, almost). She has shared details of her relationships, her problems, sorrows and joys with me.
    Its been 7 years now, I never had a relationship since. We have remain good friends. But lately this friendship is getting too much for me. Many a times, when I talk, or meet her, I am reminded of the times we spent together (which is not the case with her of course, as she had other relationships too). Not the feelings, mind you, just the memories. That troubles me. Well, I dont get depressed as such but yeah I feel lonely.

    I never cut off the talking part initially because of my feelings for her but then it became sort of a routine. Now I don't have any such feelings, nor do I imagine my future with her. As I know, too much water has flowen under the bridge.. She is just a good friend for me and so am I for her.

    The issue is, now that she is going to get married at some point of time, she still wants to continue to remain in touch as friends, which I am not very sure about.
    I konw how difficult it is for a guy to see her wife/gf having such close bonding with another guy, and is even worse if that guy is her Ex.
    I don't want to ruine her married life beacause of this.
    Besides, I am not sure how my future wife/gf would handle it (I being in touch with my Ex) ? We know that we are friends but partners usually don't approve of this, I guess.
    So, how to go about it now? Should I stop talking to her and don't stretch it further or continue the way it is going? I am not able to decide.. Utterly confused, pls help..

    Many thanks in advance.
    Dude answer is simple let her get married and you forget her.

  11. #11
    Young Gun
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    Why thinking so much...... and why keeping relationship with a level of convenience and compromises.....
    Why do you think that your habit of taking with her cannot be changed.......

    Dude give your self timeout.... life is not that complicated the way me make it ourself........
    Detach yourself gradually and one day you will definately feel good about your decisions......

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