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Thread: What a lonely place this life is!

  1. #1
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    Default What a lonely place this life is!

    I grew up in a household with a mother and step-father that were very cold, I was told constantly that everything I did was not good enough. It was very lonely and as I was not allowed out much all I could do was study, which I did do. Being an only child and having never met my father and not having close relatives I was trapped there for 18 years until I could leave home. Following that my grandmother (the only remaining member of my family I was close to) was killed. My uncle soon after told me he was attracted to me. I didn't spend time with him again.

    I learnt early on that the way to escape all this was to travel and to go away. Not only did it give me somewhere to live, but I could also get money in this way.

    In 2011 I moved to New York having been offered a job with an international artist I met in England. I went there knowing no one and found myself eventually surrounded by people who became my good friends and like family. New York is a very friendly place, as are Americans. It was the first time I had experienced such a positive place, where I almost never felt depressed or down, I felt very different there. I felt very accepted, at home and loved amongst many friends.

    At the beginning of this year my US visa ended and I had to leave after 3 years. I was in a huge panic about returning to the UK, without close connections, family and community I had in the US to return to. I had to sell my furniture, leave my job and one day just go to the airport and leave.

    It has almost been 1 year now since I came back. I was desperate for work and somewhere to live when I arrived and worked in London, multiple jobs in cafes and bars. After some months I got offered a job in a quiet area in the arts in West Sussex and took it. I am ambitious and try to do a good job. But I am so incredibly lonely here though. I miss everyone and all my friends and just feel like I am shut behind a glass pane, unable to communicate, living in a quiet village on the other side of the world. This is the country I am from, but I seem to be so alone. Because England is so different to the US it seems I will never the experience of life here that I had there. I cannot bear the idea of living in regret for what I once had. Getting a visa is so hard in the US and I do not know if I will be able to do it again. I can try, but it may take some years. In the meantime I feel so alone it is painful. I try to meet people here, but you can imagine living in Brooklyn and working in Manhattan is always going to be so different to living in a village in West Sussex. I am concerned by the time I make it back I may find I am alone there again too as all my friends may have moved on. I am 30 on Sunday and I wish things could be different. I feel quite desperate that it is my fault I have always been so alone and I don't seem to be able to change it. If I do manage to build a community / change my life it is only for a few years, before I end up alone again.

    I would be grateful for your advice. What I really want to do is go back, but perhaps I am scared. If I think about my mother I can see her being here alone with my step-father who is aggressive and then growing old alone which also makes me so guilty and concerned.

    Jo

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Hi Jo!

    Hmmm...I see how you may be feeling lonesome, my dear, but you know you are the only person who can make it better for yourself. For example, how about hanging out with people at work and trying to make the most of what you have now instead of wondering how it will be when you return to Manhattan? See, the thing is that life is never perfect (but you know that already) and its up to us to see how best we can make it work for us, right? So...think about how you can change things for yourself- what are the groups you can make without getting too caught up with thoughts of having to move on again. Think of the here and the now...that may help!

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    You can still make the things work while staying in England. Find a life partner to start with.
    You never know what you can become ..

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    SB Champion Lieutenant Inspector Pathan's Avatar
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    well about going back to US is not a big deal.....the first mistake you made while you were there for three years you should have got married so that at least you could have earned green card.....any ways that was not on the cards........the alternate is now go for a H1 visa or some kind of work permit for US....as you are a british national it won't be so hard....just find some good immigration lawyers based in London for US....you can google it too....i am sure something will come up don't lose hope.....and no need to be scared....you are going back to US not to amazon jungle where anacondas live.....

    England is such a great place....you were born and bred here and still you want to move....well personal choice OK.....I will ask Miss Barbie about US she lives there there are many members on this forum living in US you can ask them too if they are willing to help you for moving back to US....

    about your mother part.....either take her with you or while your in UK keep her with you....and if she wants to be with her husband then you have to keep a distance.....meet her when ever you feel its fine and if you make it to US....call her there......anyways....smile....cheerz.....good luck.......

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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    I grew up in a household with a mother and step-father that were very cold, I was told constantly that everything I did was not good enough. It was very lonely and as I was not allowed out much all I could do was study, which I did do. Being an only child and having never met my father and not having close relatives I was trapped there for 18 years until I could leave home. Following that my grandmother (the only remaining member of my family I was close to) was killed. My uncle soon after told me he was attracted to me. I didn't spend time with him again.

    I learnt early on that the way to escape all this was to travel and to go away. Not only did it give me somewhere to live, but I could also get money in this way.

    In 2011 I moved to New York having been offered a job with an international artist I met in England. I went there knowing no one and found myself eventually surrounded by people who became my good friends and like family. New York is a very friendly place, as are Americans. It was the first time I had experienced such a positive place, where I almost never felt depressed or down, I felt very different there. I felt very accepted, at home and loved amongst many friends.

    At the beginning of this year my US visa ended and I had to leave after 3 years. I was in a huge panic about returning to the UK, without close connections, family and community I had in the US to return to. I had to sell my furniture, leave my job and one day just go to the airport and leave.

    It has almost been 1 year now since I came back. I was desperate for work and somewhere to live when I arrived and worked in London, multiple jobs in cafes and bars. After some months I got offered a job in a quiet area in the arts in West Sussex and took it. I am ambitious and try to do a good job. But I am so incredibly lonely here though. I miss everyone and all my friends and just feel like I am shut behind a glass pane, unable to communicate, living in a quiet village on the other side of the world. This is the country I am from, but I seem to be so alone. Because England is so different to the US it seems I will never the experience of life here that I had there. I cannot bear the idea of living in regret for what I once had. Getting a visa is so hard in the US and I do not know if I will be able to do it again. I can try, but it may take some years. In the meantime I feel so alone it is painful. I try to meet people here, but you can imagine living in Brooklyn and working in Manhattan is always going to be so different to living in a village in West Sussex. I am concerned by the time I make it back I may find I am alone there again too as all my friends may have moved on. I am 30 on Sunday and I wish things could be different. I feel quite desperate that it is my fault I have always been so alone and I don't seem to be able to change it. If I do manage to build a community / change my life it is only for a few years, before I end up alone again.

    I would be grateful for your advice. What I really want to do is go back, but perhaps I am scared. If I think about my mother I can see her being here alone with my step-father who is aggressive and then growing old alone which also makes me so guilty and concerned.

    Jo
    Come back to the States and get married to one of our citizen and when you get your greencard or citizenship divorce him and live for ever in the Good Old USA.Land of the Free and Home of the Brave.

  6. #6
    Banned D - Shiva's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    I grew up in a household with a mother and step-father that were very cold, I was told constantly that everything I did was not good enough. It was very lonely and as I was not allowed out much all I could do was study, which I did do. Being an only child and having never met my father and not having close relatives I was trapped there for 18 years until I could leave home. Following that my grandmother (the only remaining member of my family I was close to) was killed. My uncle soon after told me he was attracted to me. I didn't spend time with him again.

    I learnt early on that the way to escape all this was to travel and to go away. Not only did it give me somewhere to live, but I could also get money in this way.

    In 2011 I moved to New York having been offered a job with an international artist I met in England. I went there knowing no one and found myself eventually surrounded by people who became my good friends and like family. New York is a very friendly place, as are Americans. It was the first time I had experienced such a positive place, where I almost never felt depressed or down, I felt very different there. I felt very accepted, at home and loved amongst many friends.

    At the beginning of this year my US visa ended and I had to leave after 3 years. I was in a huge panic about returning to the UK, without close connections, family and community I had in the US to return to. I had to sell my furniture, leave my job and one day just go to the airport and leave.

    It has almost been 1 year now since I came back. I was desperate for work and somewhere to live when I arrived and worked in London, multiple jobs in cafes and bars. After some months I got offered a job in a quiet area in the arts in West Sussex and took it. I am ambitious and try to do a good job. But I am so incredibly lonely here though. I miss everyone and all my friends and just feel like I am shut behind a glass pane, unable to communicate, living in a quiet village on the other side of the world. This is the country I am from, but I seem to be so alone. Because England is so different to the US it seems I will never the experience of life here that I had there. I cannot bear the idea of living in regret for what I once had. Getting a visa is so hard in the US and I do not know if I will be able to do it again. I can try, but it may take some years. In the meantime I feel so alone it is painful. I try to meet people here, but you can imagine living in Brooklyn and working in Manhattan is always going to be so different to living in a village in West Sussex. I am concerned by the time I make it back I may find I am alone there again too as all my friends may have moved on. I am 30 on Sunday and I wish things could be different. I feel quite desperate that it is my fault I have always been so alone and I don't seem to be able to change it. If I do manage to build a community / change my life it is only for a few years, before I end up alone again.

    I would be grateful for your advice. What I really want to do is go back, but perhaps I am scared. If I think about my mother I can see her being here alone with my step-father who is aggressive and then growing old alone which also makes me so guilty and concerned.

    Jo
    give me your mobile number

  7. #7
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    What do you mean you are so alone... You have the internet at your finger tips. The entire world is out there. Open your mind and explore it. There are many social meetup groups where you can meet people. There are people who you can socialize with online. There are matrimonial sites where you can find a partner. People who think about depression are always depressed. Think about positive things. Everyone is alone in some way or another. And being alone is not so bad. How can you be alone if you have a mind? A mind where you can imagine and think about great things. I don't think anyone can be alone in this day in age especially with the internet. Keep your mind occupied and you will not be alone.

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