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Thread: Living in the US with a girl from a different religion

  1. #1
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    Default Living in the US with a girl from a different religion

    Hey All,

    I will try to keep it short. I came to the US 6 years ago for my undergrad. I fell in love with one of my classmates. She turned out to be a Pakistani but born and raised in the US. The love part came from her side first as I was just fooling around. I had asked if she is aware of what she is getting into and she never backed out. It just struck me one day and I started falling for her. We are officially in a relationship since 5 years.

    The problem as usual is the religion. She accepts my religion and I accept hers. My parents have fully accepted her and my mom calls her more than she calls me. On the other side it's not going down too well with her family,which I totally understand me being a non muslin and an Indian. Her mom loves me but when I first met her she handed over the Quran to me. I told her I love your daughter and to me it doesn't matter what religion she belongs to.Her dad doesn't know yet because they don't know how he would react.

    We have been living together for a year and are fully compatible. Only my dad knows about this.

    Should I convince her mom and talk to her dad? I just don't want them asking me to convert because that would not happen. My family is accepting her the way she is and they should do the same. Should we just get married and than go meet her parents?

    I just want a good solution. Please don't say it wouldn't work because I have been hearing that since day 1 and been making it work since 5 years.

    We both would die without each other.

    Note: I am not trying to mock anyone's religion here,if I did please forgive me.

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Hi! Of course, we know that you are not trying to mock any religion here but are finding yourself in a real dilemma. Sure, you've been making it work and most likely, you are your girl will continue to do so. the only thing is that you will have to tell her father- because you really can't keep it secret forever.
    You will have to take the situation as it comes. Since both of you are settled in the USA and are living with each other, a certain amount of determination and patience in handling this situation will be needed but you should be able to come through unless, of course, there are some crashing circumstances.

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    « rahmaniac » Lieutenant-Colonel ariesgirl's Avatar
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    I don't know what to say...all I can do is wish you both togetherness forever..those who love truly should always stay together till end...since you are in US,I think religion wont become a major issue and you have the liberty to marry whomever you want to...if convincing her dad doesn't work,don't be discouraged...you have your parents by your side...and her mom's mental support too is with you people..so go ahead...never let her go...
    Give people roses while they can still smell them. . .

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    Moderator Major General galaxy_resident's Avatar
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    The question of convertion depends upon how conservative the girl's family is. On the basis of what you've written, they appear pretty conservative to me. I think its time you brought both the families into this and work something out. Let the girl's father know about you (but leave out the living together part) and see how he reacts. But make it clear that you will not convert in any condition because you are not forcing the girl to convert either. Best of luck!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post

    The love part came from her side first as I was just fooling around.

    You were "fooling around" eh? It's not so amusing now is it? No matter what you have been trying to convince yourself, her family will eventually ask you to convert. Muslims are not allowed to marry outside their religion, unless you convert. If you still dont, the girl would probably have to give up her family for your sake, which I am not sure she would. I would avoid that too.. Pakistanis are very orthodox and still believe in "honor" and not sure if you want to take that risk! Then the question comes if you have kids, they will probably end up being Muslim due to their mother's influence... it will just keep getting more complex.
    Love is blind.. its clouds our intellect. This is your last chance to get out. It will be tough initially but you will survive and in the long run, have a more peaceful life.
    Last edited by zoomzipper; 09-12-2014 at 10:23 PM.

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    Dactar :) Lieutenant-Colonel Neha1's Avatar
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    Gift her mom Bhagwad Geeta next time. I bet ur feelings about marrying her will change when she wont even touch our holy book.
    PS. Dont try to b srk gauri.....They were/are outstanding lovers from out of this world.
    Anything that costs you your peace is too expensive

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    SB Champion Lieutenant Inspector Pathan's Avatar
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    since day 1 youve been hearing it won't work and making it work for the last 5 years...during that time you were not married....now you want to get married....after marriage it would be happy ending.....believe it or not.....

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    you should try to convince them but stop if its not working. some things cannot be achieved in life and convincing a person is one of them.

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    All you have to try and convince them, they they don't resist much, go ahead and get married. You both can celebrate and follow the customs of both the religions or not follow any at all, you live separately from your parents anyway. If the parents create lot of drama, then you both have the only option- elope and say bye to parents for 2-3 years. They will embrace you later.
    You never know what you can become ..

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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Hey All,

    I will try to keep it short. I came to the US 6 years ago for my undergrad. I fell in love with one of my classmates. She turned out to be a Pakistani but born and raised in the US. The love part came from her side first as I was just fooling around. I had asked if she is aware of what she is getting into and she never backed out. It just struck me one day and I started falling for her. We are officially in a relationship since 5 years.

    The problem as usual is the religion. She accepts my religion and I accept hers. My parents have fully accepted her and my mom calls her more than she calls me. On the other side it's not going down too well with her family,which I totally understand me being a non muslin and an Indian. Her mom loves me but when I first met her she handed over the Quran to me. I told her I love your daughter and to me it doesn't matter what religion she belongs to.Her dad doesn't know yet because they don't know how he would react.

    We have been living together for a year and are fully compatible. Only my dad knows about this.

    Should I convince her mom and talk to her dad? I just don't want them asking me to convert because that would not happen. My family is accepting her the way she is and they should do the same. Should we just get married and than go meet her parents?

    I just want a good solution. Please don't say it wouldn't work because I have been hearing that since day 1 and been making it work since 5 years.

    We both would die without each other.

    Note: I am not trying to mock anyone's religion here,if I did please forgive me.
    i was thinking of giving you Namaste London advice....but....you know now...
    love has no religion....if you both love each other, i don't think either of you will try to force your religion onto other..and the other person will respect that...
    so its all about love...if there is any....
    all the best

  11. #11
    SB Wizard Major PARYANS's Avatar
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    Ask her to talk to her dad......
    happiness needs no reason

  12. #12
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    the best solution is you back off from this relationship... i dont see hope in convincing her parents.... they will NEVER accept you.. this is not going to work!!! leave hr and move on.... there is no point in living a relationship where parents arent happy... because if parents arent happy.. you will never be happy... forget these things that time will make things better.... because tommorow your children can do more harsh things that wil hurt you.. all bad that we do get to come towards us again!!! i dont see any future of this relationship!!! there will be only tears, frustration. sadness!
    I'm a shhh girl
    Loving me could be a crime

  13. #13
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    Hey let your parent talk to her parent. I am sure that if they are broad minded and understanding they will accept your relationship and even would not ask you to convert.....
    Parent can do the best talking in your case......
    Best of Luck

  14. #14
    DESTINY STILL ARRIVES! Brigadier General adirocksit's Avatar
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    Go talk to her dad......convince him...thats your best bet.....He's gonna say no....because all daughter dads are like that....irrespective of religion.....
    Convince them that you don't wanna convert but you will let her practice her religion without any interference.....because that would be their main concern....
    See they don't know you....and what do we do to people we don't know? We doubt them.....Human nature....
    So it will take time and patience....basically his dad has to get to know you......so much that he can trust you that in future, you won't force your wife to become Hindu......we know you won't do it....but we are not your gf's dad......convince her dad......
    I Hope They Remember You...



  15. #15
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    It is very difficult and when u have kids it will be more difficult as they will be confused of who they actually are...really think about it.

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