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Thread: Arranged Marriage Turned Love Marriage?

  1. #1
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    Unhappy Arranged Marriage Turned Love Marriage?

    Hi all,

    I met a girl by arranged marriage bride search and started talking with her for 4 months and have fallen madly in love with her. For some reason, we both share a very strong emotional connection. 2 months into my knowing her, I and my parents get to know about her premarital courtship with another guy just 5 months before. I dont care about her past and I was fine with it. However, my parents are staunchly against me marrying her as they also got to know about 2 of her earlier bfs too eventhough I was fine with her past (just a FYI - I didnt have any gfs or affairs). Since they (parents) introudced the girl to me, they say that if they say NO, I should drop off too. They told me not to talk with her when they got to know this 2 months back. However I have been in contact with the girl all through this time and during the past 2 months my attachment to her has grown even stronger. Now, I cant let her go and my parents are saying they will never accept.

    1. Can anyone think of any way to convince my parents? - I tried all routes (telling premarital sex and bfs are common these days, just because she had these before marroage doesnt mean she will do after etc etc)

    2. I would rather die then let her go. So do you think it is wise to leave my parents and marry her

    3. Can anyone think of any other way? - I have only another 3 months to convince my parents/marry her or else the girls parents said they would marry off the girl the next guy they find weather the girl likes it or not as they are facing enough social sitgma already.

    4. To make things worse, I live in Canada and she lives in India. So I was only talking, chatting, video chatting with her all this time. My parents ask me how I can love a girl by just talking with her. I dont know how to explain, but I have developed a deep emotional connection with the girl and my parents are not able to understand this. The girl also has mutual feelings towards me and said she was ready to leave everything behind and come and marry me if I just asked. How do you think I can explain my love for her to my parents?

    Please help me. Each day passes and I feel I am being drowned a bit more. Its hard to burn my parental bonds tooo and I would prefer not do that... but at the same time I cant loose her too.

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Uh oh! Well, it seems that your parents are adamant and not ready to accept the girl. The thing is that if her past relationships had remained a secret, it would have been better but since they have not, well, you are facing the situation.
    There is no real way out of this- only firmness will do it. Try and convince them by trying to make them see your point of view- obviously, dramatic statements and actions will not do it. Be stoic and hope for the best.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Hi all,

    I met a girl by arranged marriage bride search and started talking with her for 4 months and have fallen madly in love with her. For some reason, we both share a very strong emotional connection. 2 months into my knowing her, I and my parents get to know about her premarital courtship with another guy just 5 months before. I dont care about her past and I was fine with it. However, my parents are staunchly against me marrying her as they also got to know about 2 of her earlier bfs too eventhough I was fine with her past (just a FYI - I didnt have any gfs or affairs). Since they (parents) introudced the girl to me, they say that if they say NO, I should drop off too. They told me not to talk with her when they got to know this 2 months back. However I have been in contact with the girl all through this time and during the past 2 months my attachment to her has grown even stronger. Now, I cant let her go and my parents are saying they will never accept.

    1. Can anyone think of any way to convince my parents? - I tried all routes (telling premarital sex and bfs are common these days, just because she had these before marroage doesnt mean she will do after etc etc)

    2. I would rather die then let her go. So do you think it is wise to leave my parents and marry her

    3. Can anyone think of any other way? - I have only another 3 months to convince my parents/marry her or else the girls parents said they would marry off the girl the next guy they find weather the girl likes it or not as they are facing enough social sitgma already.

    4. To make things worse, I live in Canada and she lives in India. So I was only talking, chatting, video chatting with her all this time. My parents ask me how I can love a girl by just talking with her. I dont know how to explain, but I have developed a deep emotional connection with the girl and my parents are not able to understand this. The girl also has mutual feelings towards me and said she was ready to leave everything behind and come and marry me if I just asked. How do you think I can explain my love for her to my parents?

    Please help me. Each day passes and I feel I am being drowned a bit more. Its hard to burn my parental bonds tooo and I would prefer not do that... but at the same time I cant loose her too.
    whatever decision you take, one side will get hurt..
    if you go with your parents, your girl will not be able trust anyone..
    if you go with your girl, your parents might not trust you...

    but one thing is for sure...no one is going to die without your love..everyone can live without it
    if you marry the girl...your parents will ultimately accept her..
    if you go with your parents..the girl will marry someone else...

    it would be nearly impossible to convince your parents..
    the only way to convince your parents is by not committing to anyone else..keep refusing all options..ultimately they will give up..
    but make sure to discuss this with your girl...or else you will keep waiting and she will marry someone else...

  4. #4
    SB Guru Major rv102938's Avatar
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    i agree with prabhendu.

    first of all, i dont doubt your love. but if its possible, try to meet with her and validate it before you take any step. once you are absolutely sure, then make a firm decision even if its means eloping with her. everyone wants the same thing - your happiness. so ultimately, they'll accept her...

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Hi all,

    I met a girl by arranged marriage bride search and started talking with her for 4 months and have fallen madly in love with her. For some reason, we both share a very strong emotional connection. 2 months into my knowing her, I and my parents get to know about her premarital courtship with another guy just 5 months before. I dont care about her past and I was fine with it. However, my parents are staunchly against me marrying her as they also got to know about 2 of her earlier bfs too eventhough I was fine with her past (just a FYI - I didnt have any gfs or affairs). Since they (parents) introudced the girl to me, they say that if they say NO, I should drop off too. They told me not to talk with her when they got to know this 2 months back. However I have been in contact with the girl all through this time and during the past 2 months my attachment to her has grown even stronger. Now, I cant let her go and my parents are saying they will never accept.

    1. Can anyone think of any way to convince my parents? - I tried all routes (telling premarital sex and bfs are common these days, just because she had these before marroage doesnt mean she will do after etc etc)

    2. I would rather die then let her go. So do you think it is wise to leave my parents and marry her

    3. Can anyone think of any other way? - I have only another 3 months to convince my parents/marry her or else the girls parents said they would marry off the girl the next guy they find weather the girl likes it or not as they are facing enough social sitgma already.

    4. To make things worse, I live in Canada and she lives in India. So I was only talking, chatting, video chatting with her all this time. My parents ask me how I can love a girl by just talking with her. I dont know how to explain, but I have developed a deep emotional connection with the girl and my parents are not able to understand this. The girl also has mutual feelings towards me and said she was ready to leave everything behind and come and marry me if I just asked. How do you think I can explain my love for her to my parents?

    Please help me. Each day passes and I feel I am being drowned a bit more. Its hard to burn my parental bonds tooo and I would prefer not do that... but at the same time I cant loose her too.
    Please her or parents.........choice is yours

  6. #6
    SB Wizard Captain o00's Avatar
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    You need to grow up man, this all is infatuation, find a real girl.
    You never know what you can become ..

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    Don't get fooled by the girl. As you never had a gf, she is taking due advantage of your innocence.

    1. How can you think of leaving your parents who would have been with you throughout the life for may be 25-30 years just for a girl with whom you have been just for 4-5 months? You will realize this once you will become a father and your children will do the same with you. Parents never hurt their children though children never realize that until they become parents one day!

    2. As per your quotes, the girl in question had 3 break-ups in the past. This is something which she had told to you. You never know what is the truth, correct? What was the reason of break-ups? I can understand the girl might be innocent in one case but here she is claiming 3 break-ups herself. So, you need to be cautious here. You never know why those break-ups happened?

    3. Pre-marital sex is fine with one but with 2/3 persons is this alright? Think yourself. You may accept her today but this thought will always kill you once you guys will be getting intimate to each other. Believe me, you will start comparing yourself with other guys with whom she had slept with. These things should have not been disclosed by either of the partners. Why did she disclose it to you? She might be saying that she want to be loyal with you and blah-blah... But all this is bull-shit. Sorry for being harsh but that's the truth. The girl doesn't seem to be careful about her character. How can you ensure she won't repeat it in future?

    4. She can leave everything to be with you GREAT! Just ask her that she won't be allowed to meet her parents for next 5 years if she wants to be with you and say you will also do the same. You will get to know the truth yourself. She will never accept this rather she would be fine if you would leave your parents.

    5. She already had some affairs in the past as she admits but you never had a girl friend. So, she is pretty well experienced on how to know about the weakness of the person and play with emotions. She will definitely be doing some rona dhona drama type things with you. So, be careful man. I can bet she is not in love with you since love at first/second time is always true but after that one gets used to these things and don't have real feelings.

    6. As your parents don't want that girl, so, they will never like her from the heart and the girl will also never liked them too. So, what is the point here to make everyone's life miserable. Marriage is for happiness not for crying/fights all over the day.

    My DEAR FRIEND, don't get fooled by this girl. You will curse yourself throughout the life. Your life will get miserable and frankly speaking I feel this marriage won't last ONE YEAR itself. So, don't hurt your parents and don't play with fire by marrying this girl. You deserve a good life partner. She is just playing with your emotions and fooling you by chikni chupdi talks. Hope you understand and take a wise decision. This is your life; don't let her play with it. You will curse the day if you take the decision of marrying her.

    Good Luck! I know it will be painful for you to take such a hard decision but you will save your life dude!!!

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    Very common case now a days. Past is past and you should explain it to your parents. Atleast you got to know of her already and am telling you there is no escaping from the fact the other one your parents will find doesnt have a relationship. Keep in mind that she should be above and beyond her past and doesnt get into it time and again. Secondly her relationships were not for fun but actually tangible i.e. she doesnt throw herself away but considers the seriousness of a relationship. finally the most important being loyal post marriage is more important then living into the past. Thats why its called past. Explain it logically and for the past you can say it was all lie and nothing happened. You have to take a call on this. To clear your parents mental block, you will have to handle it cleverly & with great trust on your gf and yourself. On a lighter note there is this saying : Some marry their girlfriends and some marry somebody's else girlfriends.
    Last edited by censoredjat; 03-03-2015 at 05:38 AM.

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    Boy!

    I think you are jumping the gun bit too early.

    You are not able to distinguish your feelings. Just recondition your brain for sometime and see how it works. You are okay to marry someone who has slept with another man before marriage. May be you are comfortable with it but look it from another angle. Why would your parents want to harm you by their advice? I don't think so any parent wishes bad to their children. You say the girl has slept with someone else before marriage and what's the guarantee that she would not sleep with another post marriage?

    If you are okay with this girl sleeping with someone before marriage and you term it as her "past" you are just desperate for a girl and nothing else. You are just getting confused in distinguishing this emotion and you are terming it "love" which is crap.

    I suggest you forget this girl and listen to your parents. There are many qualified girls out there who are ready to marry a nice virgin boy like you. Don't cause a heartbreak to your parents. It is quite disgusting and heartbreaking for any parent to know that their would be daughter in law has by choice slept with someone before marriage. They cannot just accept it with a so called "cool" and "okay" tag as they aren't morons like you.

    You are still not yet ready for the marriage. So please grow up and then think of marriage.

    Wish you luck!

    --
    Starpower


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    I would say that she is upfront with you about her past and I commend her for that and as far as your parents are concerned tell them that she told you this before marriage and everyone have a past... I understand that they want the best for you and they love you but they also need to understand that she is a human and she can be a good wife. So tell them that you both love each other and nothing can be done about her past as long as she does not do anything bad after marriage.

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    New Born Rafi31MaleUk's Avatar
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    Yes
    Meet her
    Spend a month or two with her
    U never know a person over phone and video chats
    Its my personal experience people turn to be totally different to what they pretend to be and what they actually are.
    My friend, girls are billions but parents are just two and there is is no alternate of them. If you break heart of people who gave birth to you... can u guarantee that the girl you are choosing will stand by with u life long?

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    Since you were never into bf/gf stuff earlier...you were bound to fall in love with her....the girl is experienced and can handle emotions in much better way. Boss you have to see yourself what exactly you do want. Ya remember that thr are always such times when taking a major decision take up the troll. Try to convince your parents as having bf's/gf's these days are so common....ppl after a certain age do need emotional support. So having a friend with whom you can lighten up yourself is not wrong at all...

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    This is your first love, so you are getting over-sensitive.
    Many Indian girls are dying to marry NRIs. (Not sorry for the truth.) A boy lives in Canada...can easily get another Indian girl.

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