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Thread: No one knows that I'm married and have a son

  1. #1
    tired
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    Default No one knows that I'm married and have a son

    Hi Mam,

    I belong to an orthodox family from Rajasthan . A rural village , where early marriage is still in practice. My father got me married when i was in 12th Std to a girl of his choice whom i had never seen till i got married. I had no objection at all cause i had seen all my village friends doing same. And this is very common in villages. Even i would have been fine with it if i had not studied further and witnessed better lifestyle of people in cities. Then i got good marks in 12th , and i had a chance to pursue B.Tech in Bangalore. I made friends, good friends. And i saw their life was more better and beautiful then mine. I realized i am married to a wrong person at a very wrong time. But it was too late then. I chose to keep quiet. I always thought about the prestige of my father in village. Trust me It matters a lot in villages, Prestige.

    I went on studying and kept this news about my marriage hidden from my friends , cause i thought they would laugh at me. When ever i planned to tell them , i realized i have come a long way lying. I thought One day i will go away from all my friends and never be in touch with them.

    I went on completing my B.Tech . I thought i would start a fresh life and tell everyone about my marriage when i join a company with new friends. But my college friends also came along with me to the same company. We still work together. But for them i am still a bachelor , Cause i kept telling them the same excuse . And they are expecting me to get married in near future and invite them to my ceremony cause they are fond of Rajasthani marriages. I am tired of lying now. And each day the mountain is getting bigger and bigger.

    And now i have lied to the entire Team , entire organisation. I feel like a criminal.

    Between i never had good relation with my wife. I rarely spoke to her , cause she never made sense for me. I had asked her to stay away from me , even while we slept together. One night i was drunk and it happened. 9 months later i had a beautiful son. So adorable. So nice. Every one was happy. I started talking to my wife more frequently. Things got better. I still don't love my wife , but i at least talk to her.

    My Wife stays in My village with my son who is 2 years old now and with my family. My wife is completely uneducated. She never went to school. I dont hate her for this , its not her fault. But i feel little low in taking her along with me to New Delhi where i work. Her dressing sense , her talking style will become a matter of laughter for other people around me.

    All well , but to the people around me I am still a bachelor. Now they are asking questions about my marriage more frequently. Things are getting worse.

    Please help me release this burden. Its killing me from inside now. I am 26 already , and i cannot tell them lies any further about my marriage.

    I don't have any external affairs with any one.

    I just want to feel relaxed. Please help.

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Hi! look, it's time to come clean about it to your close friends at least. They will understand what your issues are all about, and may help you to make the transition from the state of lying about it to helping you with other people deal with this.
    This is not something that you can keep under wraps all the time- also, you may want to educate your son in the city, rather than in the village. Give your wife also a chance- she may learn the city ways. maybe not completely, but enough to get along.
    The news may cause a bit of gossip and talk for a few days but as all other things do, this will die down too.

  3. #3
    ✿ VILLAIN ✿ Brigadier General Albert Pinto's Avatar
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    Well.... if you have a son, then its high time to be a man enough and accept the responsibility..... If you feel embarrassing about her social etiquette, or her language or dressing style..... well there is always a scope of improvement in it...... Its not that difficult..... What's the big deal...?
    || Jai Shree Krishna ||

  4. #4
    SB Guru Major ace of base's Avatar
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    dEAR BUDDY,,
    first of all my answer to your question is going to be more lenghtier becos i sincerly hope that at the end of it ,,i end up putting some sense in your head. We males have this thing in our head that women are inferior to us in everything. but its a very wrong idea and women are only inferior to us in brutal strength. whereas in the rest of the areas they are far more superior to us.be it mental strength,, be it bravness,,be it openness,be it broad mindness or be it having patience or be it anything,except for brutal strenght they are ahead of us in everything provided they are given a chance to prove so. to understand this you will have to look around. and specially look towards a mummy. a mummy with kids,,how she handles a house and specially if shez a working women,,how she handles the house and the kids.Put yourself in a mummys place and we males will run away the first day.
    i want to tell you a small story which took place in my life when i was just starting out with my career. i am in construction industry and when i started out in the 90's my first posting was at a place called morena ,,near to gwalior. this is the place where chambal valley is and phoolan devi used to rule the roost. i was used to goa wherin i was used to seeing boys and girls mix together and wearing all kind of clothes witout anyone giving a second glance. and when i reached morena i was in for a culture shock. the women were never to be seen outside a house and the men went around with guns and handle bar moustaches. in such a area i found a friend who was working for the contractor. he was a local and was married and he must have been around 24-25 at that time. he had completed his diploma in mechanical engg and was working for the contractor employed by my company. he became good friends with me and i must have gone to his house 3-4 times for lunch. i never seen his wifes face as she used to wear a ghoongat which used to fall till her neck. i used to wonder how she can see thro it. once we even went for a movie and i was surprised by his wifes actions. she used to squat on roads when waiting for bus which used to embrass my friend, she sat with her legs on the seat inside the movie hall ect ect. my friend used to be embrassed by her actions but never did i notice him screaming at her.he used to tell her polietly and softly and she used to listen to him too. i was there for a year and by the end of the project had to say good bye to him. but before going he told me that he wanted to go outside and work as he had no future as now the work is over.so i spoke to my boss and he in turn spoke to another company and told me to send him to the other company. this other company was a well known construction company named western india. he dint have money for train ticket too so me and another guy coughed up some cash to pay for his train ticket. that was the last i heard of him.
    10-12 years had passed and i had resigned from the company i worked for and started my own. i was once standing near a bus stop in goa when i noticed a guy enter a factory which resembled my old friend. i was unsure about how to approach him so i sent one of my supervisor to ask his name and tell him my name too. My hunch was right and he was my same old friend from morena. more then me ,,he was happy on seeing me. then he told him standing on the road ,,how he reached goa. he went to give interview and due to my boss influence he got the job. worked there for some time and he became close to one of the directors of the company due to his hard work. when the director resigned,,he took him along. the director started his own manufacturing company at goa.he even sent this friend of mine to get hands on training to germany . i was not surprised hearing his story. what surprised me was when he took me home,, i saw his wife's face for the first time. her transformation was far more surprising then my friend. she had bob cut,, was wearing a short skirt like ladies do at goa,,and could make out she even visits the parlour. what was more surprising was she spoke fluent english. i left his place thinking what a miracle that was.
    why i told you this story is that dont even underestimate what your wife can do. you told lies to your friends thinking about what they might think.but its high time you get your wife to delhi along with your son. introduce your wife to your friends. give them a belated wedding party. give your wife lots of love and get your son addmitted to a nice school. over a period of time,wait and watch for the transformation in your life as well as your wife's. KEEP SMILING.

  5. #5
    SB Guru Major rv102938's Avatar
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    Buddy, its time to take the poison pill. Tell everyone and be done with the load on your shoulders. No other choice here, I repeat no other choice.

    After that what happens is not in your control. but atleast you can sleep well at night. get your wife and kids with you, and explore a new life. teaching your wife new things can be enjoyable, you never know how quickly she can pickup things. also, this is a right time for your 2yo son to be in a city as his brain will start learning new things.

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    Dactar :) Lieutenant-Colonel Neha1's Avatar
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    well u have created a pathetic situation for yourself. The practical thing that u can do is change ur job if possible and break all contacts with ur distant friends. only close friends may understand ur situation.
    l can advice u becoz, recently my classmate who was married was in good terms with us. when talking about her family she wud tell about her husband , in laws etc etc but after one n half year of our companionship she told that she had a kid too who is 2 yr old!! We were like how could someone be such a liar and ashamed of something just to show herself a newly marid girl!!
    Anything that costs you your peace is too expensive

  7. #7
    SB Guru Major ace of base's Avatar
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    TATS A GIRL FOR YOU

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    New Born
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    I have a question for you :

    Say 25-30yrs your Son grows up and he becomes a big shot. He parties with who's who of town. Now how will you feel if he refuses to acknowledge you as father because u dont belong to who's who of the town?
    Think about it.

    Actually I wish it happens to you for what you have to done to your wife and kid.

  9. #9
    SB Wizard Captain o00's Avatar
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    Change your company and "company" and start afresh without any lies.
    You never know what you can become ..

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by tired View Post
    Hi Mam,

    I belong to an orthodox family from Rajasthan . A rural village , where early marriage is still in practice. My father got me married when i was in 12th Std to a girl of his choice whom i had never seen till i got married. I had no objection at all cause i had seen all my village friends doing same. And this is very common in villages. Even i would have been fine with it if i had not studied further and witnessed better lifestyle of people in cities. Then i got good marks in 12th , and i had a chance to pursue B.Tech in Bangalore. I made friends, good friends. And i saw their life was more better and beautiful then mine. I realized i am married to a wrong person at a very wrong time. But it was too late then. I chose to keep quiet. I always thought about the prestige of my father in village. Trust me It matters a lot in villages, Prestige.

    I went on studying and kept this news about my marriage hidden from my friends , cause i thought they would laugh at me. When ever i planned to tell them , i realized i have come a long way lying. I thought One day i will go away from all my friends and never be in touch with them.

    I went on completing my B.Tech . I thought i would start a fresh life and tell everyone about my marriage when i join a company with new friends. But my college friends also came along with me to the same company. We still work together. But for them i am still a bachelor , Cause i kept telling them the same excuse . And they are expecting me to get married in near future and invite them to my ceremony cause they are fond of Rajasthani marriages. I am tired of lying now. And each day the mountain is getting bigger and bigger.

    And now i have lied to the entire Team , entire organisation. I feel like a criminal.

    Between i never had good relation with my wife. I rarely spoke to her , cause she never made sense for me. I had asked her to stay away from me , even while we slept together. One night i was drunk and it happened. 9 months later i had a beautiful son. So adorable. So nice. Every one was happy. I started talking to my wife more frequently. Things got better. I still don't love my wife , but i at least talk to her.

    My Wife stays in My village with my son who is 2 years old now and with my family. My wife is completely uneducated. She never went to school. I dont hate her for this , its not her fault. But i feel little low in taking her along with me to New Delhi where i work. Her dressing sense , her talking style will become a matter of laughter for other people around me.

    All well , but to the people around me I am still a bachelor. Now they are asking questions about my marriage more frequently. Things are getting worse.

    Please help me release this burden. Its killing me from inside now. I am 26 already , and i cannot tell them lies any further about my marriage.

    I don't have any external affairs with any one.

    I just want to feel relaxed. Please help.
    if you want to feel relaxed...tell the truth to the people...it will be surprise but everyone will understand as we all know what happens in rural india..i have several cousins who got married after 12 and have 3-4 kids...no need to feel shame for it..
    as far as you wife is concerned...you can teach her city culture...anyone can learn anything...if you keep your wife in village, then your son will also suffer...
    now that you have seen the good part of life in city, its your responsibility to take your loved ones out of that shit and show them the world you are seeing.....

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