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Thread: She told me about her affair!

  1. #1
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    Unhappy She told me about her affair!

    Hi everybody ! You all are great.


    This post is about my girlfriend and I. We were childhood friends but been away from last 5 years as we had to complete our schooling in different places.

    We both love each other, of course! "But" there is something which hurts me whenever I talk to her, see her. Few months ago, she confessed that she got physical with someone and after this incident, She was continually in contact with this person. Until I came in picture and told her not to.

    Now, I am so glad that she had the courage to confess this by herself. At the same time, I have mixed feelings about it. Bcoz she didn't confess this when it really happened as it happened years back. How can I trust her in future.? What if, this thing is repeated and I become the last person to know ?

    I love her with all I have. In spite of being in different religion, I would take my chances and go against my parents any day for her. I don't take pride in saying this but I will sacrifice my family, friends and work in a heartbeat for her. And I am equally sure, She will do the same.

    Now, when I think about her confession. I feel bad. It feels like something has changed after that. I don't like this CHANGE between us. I wish, things were same as they were before. Initially, I reacted like nothings happened. I made her believe that its OK and things happen. As much as I want these things to fall in place, I am losing my faith in her or in my LOVE. And that's not a good thing. I loathe myself for that.

    My behavior is changed with her. I get upset so easily. On the other side, we are letting our family members know about us one by one. Quite honestly, I am not liking the fact that we will get married someday down the line. I don't like the idea of it. Not bcoz she did something few years back but more bcoz I am not OK with it. And i'll hate myself more when she finds out that it hurts really bad now-a-days when I talk to her. Maybe, these feelings will vanish eventually. I don't know !

    So, I need to kill this feeling. I'd highly appreciate it if u guys can answer something very genuine and practically possible.

    Living without her is not an option.

    Thanks in advance. Love u guys !

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    OK...so maybe you have not allowed yourself or her the time to deal with this fact that obviously makes you uncomfortable. So, why don't you be truthful about it with yourself and with her? Say that you are yet unable to deal with it and it may take some time. And having said that, reassure her (she will be upset, naturally) that you do love her....and then give yourself time to sort out how you feel. Putting up a pretense is causing you stress, and that's why the confusion.
    If you don't sort out your feelings and come to terms with them, you'll only end up fighting and getting mad at each other....

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    Dil bada karo.. pehle usko maaf karo, fir apne aap ko maaf karo. You seem to have a nice relation, except for this fact, don't let it go for one hiccup.

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    « rahmaniac » Lieutenant-Colonel ariesgirl's Avatar
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    The answer is in your last line...
    "living without her is not an option"
    Give people roses while they can still smell them. . .

  5. #5
    ~PrincE~ Major LuVon's Avatar
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    Trust Kar Saktey ho toh Aagey Bado..
    trust Nahi Kar Saktey toh "NOT AN OPTION" ko "AN OPTION" banawo...
    Just You ... Only You

  6. #6
    SB Guru Major ace of base's Avatar
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    People are human, frail, and sinful. Therefore, you need a realistic type of trust when you choose to trust someone. Trusting grows in relationships over time because as you spend time together with someone you build knowledge, understanding and authenticity. You gain insight into another person’s character, needs, motivations and fears.
    She had an affair when you were far away from her. So cant blame her for that. But what you have mentioned over here is your love and concern for her. Does she reciprocate the same feelings?
    Your religion is different. Is she worth breaking away from your parents and friends?? So now the only way out is to wait for time.take your time to know more about your love for her and vice versa.
    As of now take things as they come and dont jump the gun!!!!
    NEVER CHASE LOVE,ATTENTION OR AFFECTION. IF IT IS NOT GIVEN FREELY BY ANOTHER PERSON,ITS ISNT WORTH HAVING...

  7. #7
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    Love is blind, once a s1ut always a s1ut, there is not a 'one person' who can be the everything of your life, choice is yours, its your life anyway. Sacrifice so many things that you said? What a selfish arsehole one will be.
    You never know what you can become ..

  8. #8
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    I wish..you were born or grown up in some western country. Apne yahan yeahi to ek major problem hai. we are not able to accept the facts. Though only if we could see things as third person. It's so natural for any teen to fell in love with some one. You'll have to open up your mind. Start accepting the truths. It's no Bollywood movie that there will be just one heroine and one hero....and that's it. By not readily accepting the truth with easiness, you are in fact disturbing her(she must have noticed this) and in directly punishing her. Remember all this will come back to you, so better be good with her. Girls dont tell about past life easily to anyone. If she had, you must be special to her....errrr very special. But the way you wrote your problem....seems now you are ruining up the relation...fault would be yours. C'mon...rather treating her more gently, you are perhaps abusing her. which is WRONG

  9. #9
    Dactar :) Lieutenant-Colonel Neha1's Avatar
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    It seems u r stressing on issue of trust n all. but I m seeing inter religion marriage as a big issue instead.

    I could have replied that It wasn't her duty or liability to tell u about her 'past'.... but still she managed te speak out. U should acknowledge her for that. BUT to be precise it wasn't her past actually. If I am not wrong she cheated u while in a relation with u. People are loyal in distance relationships too. I can feel tht her cheating even when u both were in relation is hurting u actually.

    If I was u .. I wouldn't have forgiven her for cheating me just Bcoz I was "absent"in tht time period.
    There is a difference between forgiving someone's past n forgiving someone's present.
    Anything that costs you your peace is too expensive

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by >.< View Post
    Hi everybody ! You all are great.


    This post is about my girlfriend and I. We were childhood friends but been away from last 5 years as we had to complete our schooling in different places.

    We both love each other, of course! "But" there is something which hurts me whenever I talk to her, see her. Few months ago, she confessed that she got physical with someone and after this incident, She was continually in contact with this person. Until I came in picture and told her not to.

    Now, I am so glad that she had the courage to confess this by herself. At the same time, I have mixed feelings about it. Bcoz she didn't confess this when it really happened as it happened years back. How can I trust her in future.? What if, this thing is repeated and I become the last person to know ?

    I love her with all I have. In spite of being in different religion, I would take my chances and go against my parents any day for her. I don't take pride in saying this but I will sacrifice my family, friends and work in a heartbeat for her. And I am equally sure, She will do the same.

    Now, when I think about her confession. I feel bad. It feels like something has changed after that. I don't like this CHANGE between us. I wish, things were same as they were before. Initially, I reacted like nothings happened. I made her believe that its OK and things happen. As much as I want these things to fall in place, I am losing my faith in her or in my LOVE. And that's not a good thing. I loathe myself for that.

    My behavior is changed with her. I get upset so easily. On the other side, we are letting our family members know about us one by one. Quite honestly, I am not liking the fact that we will get married someday down the line. I don't like the idea of it. Not bcoz she did something few years back but more bcoz I am not OK with it. And i'll hate myself more when she finds out that it hurts really bad now-a-days when I talk to her. Maybe, these feelings will vanish eventually. I don't know !

    So, I need to kill this feeling. I'd highly appreciate it if u guys can answer something very genuine and practically possible.

    Living without her is not an option.

    Thanks in advance. Love u guys !




    I know it's killing you, that's not an incident or hiccup, it's a knot, a scar, it is not your pain to carry. Confront her, know what you need to know for your heart to be at peace. If in case you find peace then continue, or else walk away. You are carrying sulphuric acid in a plastic bottle, it will destroy you from within. I had similar incident but not as huge as yours, I walked off that relationship because she thought she came too far, all happened just because it was a newly started long distance and meanwhile I was not giving her enough time due to my only sister's wedding, she started getting along with too many guys over there, lie, cheat and steal. But when I finally walked away, I had my salvation when she was crying as I did, she was pleading to start over as I did, and at last when I said, I love you right here right now but you lost my respect...me and my heart has came too far as you once said. Bye!

    P.S. You don't deserve this AGONY!
    Last edited by passive11; 23-08-2015 at 10:27 AM.

  11. #11
    SB Guru Major rv102938's Avatar
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    Tell her what you told us. Just stick to how you feel, and avoid blaming her as far as possible. If you are able to successfully resolve this one together, then you know you are made for each other. If you cannot this issue together, then ofcourse its time to let go. So this is a self-fulfilling prophecy kind of a thing for you. All the best.
    Ek din sher banke jeene se behtar hai do din sher banke jiyo...

  12. #12
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    truth has no competition . . .

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