Results 1 to 12 of 12

Thread: My husband is cheating on me

  1. #1
    Unregistered
    Guest

    Default My husband is cheating on me

    Hi,I am a 38 year old woman married for 10 years after a courtship of 6 years.my husband has an old female friend with some heart ailment .I once caught him talking to her secretly after which he admitted that they were in a relationship,however,he apologised and assured me that he was completely off her.after a few years he himself cameupto me saying that this woman was going through severe financial crunch and so approached him for help do he has helped her with some money.now he is in constant touch with her through chats and claims that they never meet.i have created fuss,cried,requested did all that I could to have him leave her but he says he can't do that.i am confused whether to continue my marriage with this baggage or quit.i have an 8 year old daughter,parents n in laws to look after n do not work.both continuing and discontinuing the marriage has sufferings attached for me.i sure would not kill myself though.please suggest....no making fun pls coz its sensitive.
    Thanks
    Shruti

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    61,027
    Rep Power
    100

    Default

    Hmmm, well Shruti, you seem pretty convinced that there's a steady relationship and while I understand the anger and confusion you must be going through, but at the same time, am glad that you are not considering anything drastic or silly.
    Take your time and see how you want to handle this and what's the best option for you. Could you enlist the support of your family in this- get them to help out with the situation? Worst case scenario, you could even think of using the support of the marriage and within that re-negotiating the terms of the marriage.
    Be calm and see if the marriage can be salvaged....don't rush out of it unless its beyond redemption. Obviously, you are not willing to do that unless there's no other option.

  3. #3
    Dactar :) Lieutenant-Colonel Neha1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Dev bhumi Himachal
    Posts
    8,516
    Rep Power
    75

    Default

    Bring ur in-laws in this matter. Tell them everything. Still if u find no change in his behavior u may ask ur parents to interven.
    Anything that costs you your peace is too expensive

  4. #4
    SB Champion Captain o00's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    2,498
    Rep Power
    42

    Default

    Maybe he doesnt love her but has a 'taras' (pity) or sympathy and empathy for her. Maybe his heart melts when he sees someone in pain, and hence he cant help but just help that someone. Find out more. Dont be a closed minded lady. You say he admitted that they were in relationship, was it physical? Hire a detective if needed to find more.
    Last edited by o00; 05-03-2016 at 10:59 PM.
    You never know what you can become ..

  5. #5
    SB Guru Major rv102938's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    5,227
    Rep Power
    44

    Default

    i say kill yourself.....

    lol, just kidding....just threaten to leave him and getting divorce. ek baat samajlo shruti, mujhko pata hai ki tum divorce nahi dogi, tumko pata hai ki tum divorce nahi dogi...par usko thodi na pata hai....

    he will think that you are seriously considering ending this relationship. see how he behaves under this threat. make sure you are genuine so that he does not call your bluff.

    another idea is threatening him to open his secret in front of his parents, relatives. that is the worst thing for him and you can play the victim card here. you will get all the sympathy and their support.
    Ek din sher banke jeene se behtar hai do din sher banke jiyo...

  6. #6
    New Born
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Posts
    44
    Rep Power
    21

    Thumbs up

    Quote Originally Posted by o00 View Post
    Maybe he doesnt love her but has a 'taras' (pity) or sympathy and empathy for her. Maybe his heart melts when he sees someone in pain, and hence he cant help but just help that someone. Find out more. Dont be a closed minded lady. You say he admitted that they were in relationship, was it physical? Hire a detective if needed to find more.
    Fully agree...they were in a relationship and now he is married to you. He has been a good husband to you as there may not be any history of things that may make you think otherwise. He is not ignoring you, not ready for divorce so its clear that he loves you. Only thing is that he is unable to see his ex in pain and helping her out of compassion and old times sake, as a friend. So here your husband is more mentally in pain than you. HE NEEDS YOUR HELP MORE THAN YOU NEED HELP. Support him till he cares about you, if he starts ignoring you then other members have suggested steps to be taken.

  7. #7
    ♥ fєmmє fαtαlє ♥ Major Sweet Mimi's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    5,255
    Rep Power
    64

    Default

    am sorry to knw about your pain... its not easy.. he is really disrespecting you when he says he cant leave her.. please dont buy the fact that they dont meet.. am telling you probably there is much more than meeting between them.. a man wont just give another woman importnce like that. think about it. am not here to ncrease you worries but you need to prepare yourself for the worst mentally.. if its possible to get a job.. do so.. and leave. thats the only solution for you my dear.. get a job first and leave. dont let anyone in this world use you and treat you like a garbage who has to accept any treatment!
    I'm a shhh girl
    Loving me could be a crime

  8. #8
    New Born
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    5
    Rep Power
    0
    Last edited by coeywong88; 13-03-2016 at 09:42 PM.

  9. #9
    New Born
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Punjab
    Posts
    195
    Rep Power
    45

    Default

    As long as your needs a met financially, you shouldn't tell him where to spend his money. I think it is a good thing that he is helping out an old friend in a time of need, even at the risk of sabotaging his marriage. That's incredible in fact. I suppose you would be less concerned if it were a male friend instead..?

    But even with this female friend, who he admittedly has some history with, it's totally okay to help out. It's 2016 and people usually do have multiple relationships in a lifetime. So he had one too, before you. It's perhaps time to evolve and respond to changing times. You cannot fault him for caring for a friend, but what you could do is handle communications/transactions yourself so as to ensure there's nothing else going on between them.

    After all, he says his end-goal to help her and nothing 'else', so you need to find a way to accomplish that without them communicating with each other. So take over the charge from him; tell him that if it's that important to him you will help her with her issues and he should just pay you. This way he doesn't use her illness as an excuse to chat with her. If his main concern is her well-being then he wouldn't have a problem with this new setup. In a way, you will be managing his charities.

    However, if he does have a problem with the setup, then you should consider moving out/separating for a while, before you file for a divorce. Sometimes it takes a shock to bring a person back to his senses.

    Good luck.

  10. #10
    Banned
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    10
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    Although modern laws may not permit, humans inherently are polygamists. Your husband may not have evolved into the constructs of modern society. It is for both of you to understand one another. Whether you involve your in-laws or your parents, his behavior shall not change unless his belief does.

    You may also want to introspect about how and why his behavior is hurting you. Find a common ground and resolve the matter else if loyalty and possession trumps everything else for you, call it quits.

  11. #11
    New Born mumbaiplayer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Mumbai
    Posts
    195
    Rep Power
    40

    Default

    Well given her heart is failing, she will not be around too long anyway. Who cares that he has a female friend?

  12. #12
    SB MahaGuru Colonel
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    in.center.of.TALIBAN
    Posts
    17,594
    Rep Power
    92

    Default

    very bad from him . . . . . . .

Similar Threads

  1. Husband was finacially helping ex.. is he cheating?
    By Srirekha in forum Ask Preeto / Agony Aunt
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 22-11-2009, 03:53 PM
  2. Cheating Husband.......heartbroken!
    By Preeto Maam in forum Ask Preeto / Agony Aunt
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 24-09-2008, 03:56 AM
  3. re:husband cheating
    By sweeeety in forum Ask Preeto / Agony Aunt
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 13-08-2008, 05:15 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •