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Thread: Marriage almost fixed. But...

  1. #1
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    Default Marriage almost fixed. But...

    Im 26 years old female from Karnal.
    Some distant family relative suggested a guy to my mother. We met at some common relatives home. He seemed nice. Although not 100% marriage material... but not bad.

    We talked a bit and he seemed not talkative... not shy... but doesnt talk a lot. I dont like asking questions so I was quiet too.

    He mentioned that he did want to get married... but since he has no experience of marriage and doesnt mingle in social circles of married people... he doesnt know his plans. Which is fine because its very girly for a guy to have marriage plans.

    We exchanged nos. He stays in Delhi and works there. He doesnt have any facebook page etc.

    But its only I who call him. He never calls. When I call he seems interesting... and he did say that its not like he has any other alliance he's involved in. Plus seeing him it doesnt look like he ever had a girlfriend or any other arranged marriage option.

    But looks like he considers marriage to be a cut throat business deal.
    He wants civil marriage with only signatories. He doesnt want any party. He doesnt want any jewellery... not even wedding/sagai ring. He doesnt want any dowry... and wants my mother and me to sign on a stamp paper that no dowry was taken. Its ok but very military kind of life. No romance... only rules n regulations.

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Hmmm, look, maybe you should try and get to know him and his family a little better before you sign the dotted line? If things are making you uncomfortable, its better to take heed, isn't it? Delhi is not too far away from Karnal, so perhaps a visit or two there to meet up with his circle, get a feeling of where he stays etc may help you make up your mind.

  3. #3
    « rahmaniac » Lieutenant-Colonel ariesgirl's Avatar
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    My dear girl, just get out of this crap asap... If he is like this pre wedding,he can turn out to be worser post wedding... Marriages happen just once and it's every girl's dream to make it colourful and memorable... It doesn't have to be lavish or luxurious... But it has to be a sort of celebration... Also everyone deserves to be loved and that love to be shown too... I don't get this man's ideology at all... I'm damn sure that it doesn't match yours either.. Let him find someone who acknowledges this kind of ideology and practice... Anyway you don't deserve to live life like a saint... Call off this so called deal asap... It will be worth it... Say NO to this guy.. He would probably make life so dry... You will definitely get someone who loves life and not someone who has a no feelings attitude towards life... It's life and not a boarding or something to have only rules and regulations..
    Give people roses while they can still smell them. . .

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    Don't decide in haste against, or for, marriage.

    AriesGirl has described one possibilty, let me try another...

    My three friends are suffering from this divorce/annulment process. All the laws of the land are pretty twisted and takes hell lot of time,and pain especially for the guy. Who knows, any of his close friends got into any such issues and he is affected emotionally by it. Or, few of his friends getting affected by bad marriages in general? May be that he really likes you, but some doubt ponder in his mind about how you would turn out to be?

    What if he is posting in some forum about you? Soliciting opinions about a girl he met at relatives place and liked a lot, the girl is very nice but he is unsure of how today's girl will fare in marriage? What if she puts a case against him and his family in future? What will he do then? What if phone call records, wedding arrangements go against him later? He doesn't want any dowry or anything. May be he is worried for future dowry cases not for him, but his parents? A guy who loves and cares about his current family (parents) can only be responsible for future one (wife/kids). And so it goes...

    I am a guy. I am in talks with this amazing girl for this arranged marriage thing. And yes, things worry us, several things! But then there are several more things that are great! So, where is your balance? Is he worth it? It's still ALMOST fixed only... take your time!

    As maam said, Karnal is not far off. Meet him. Get to know him, and his reasoning behind these conditions... IF he seems worth it, go that extra mile... people say it's never crowded!

    Best wishes!
    Last edited by anks_sb; 11-03-2016 at 06:52 PM. Reason: Removed extra spaces/line breaks.

  5. #5
    DESTINY STILL ARRIVES! Brigadier General adirocksit's Avatar
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    Some distant family relative really hates you a lot to suggest you this boring guy.....
    I Hope They Remember You...



  6. #6
    SB Wizard Captain o00's Avatar
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    Well he is not your type of guy. So dont marry him, let him live in peace and you can probably also live in peace. Say NO upfront.
    You never know what you can become ..

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    SB Guru Major rv102938's Avatar
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    what is your query here? if you like him marry. if you dont like him, dont marry. seems to me like you want us to make your marriage decision. WTF is that, now we have to sit here and get people married. listen girl, we only advice for failed ones, we dont setup marriages.

    also, he seems perfectly normal to me. in fact, i would praise him for his attitude. its you who seems to be over-analyzing this thing. also, you havent been married yet, and already you have started complaining how he not romantic. holy mother of god, just give him some slack and let him be what he is. i would further go on to say, he seems too good for you.
    Ek din sher banke jeene se behtar hai do din sher banke jiyo...

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    Default Explore one another and the relationship

    Marriage is a lifelong commitment and takes about 70% of your energy. So don't try to be hasty with the decision. Date him for sometime and indulge in conversations, trips to know if you both are willing to be each other's life partners. Evaluate your expectations and his, evaluate your chemistry, empathy, philosophy and lifestyles.

    If then you conclude that you are not meant to be, move-on.

  9. #9
    Dactar :) Lieutenant-Colonel Neha1's Avatar
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    There is nothing abnormal with this guy. Some people are introvert. They hardly open to anyone. Also his demand about dowry paper seems to be a result of his past experience. May b he has seen some close one from his friends or family getting harassed on false allegation of dowry. He just wants to play safe. thts it.
    Anything that costs you your peace is too expensive

  10. #10
    SB Guru Major rv102938's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tharkilauda View Post
    Marriage is a lifelong commitment and takes about 70% of your energy.
    ye 70% ka calculation kidhar se aaya?

    Last edited by rv102938; 14-03-2016 at 07:04 PM.
    Ek din sher banke jeene se behtar hai do din sher banke jiyo...

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Im 26 years old female from Karnal.
    Some distant family relative suggested a guy to my mother. We met at some common relatives home. He seemed nice. Although not 100% marriage material... but not bad.

    We talked a bit and he seemed not talkative... not shy... but doesnt talk a lot. I dont like asking questions so I was quiet too.

    He mentioned that he did want to get married... but since he has no experience of marriage and doesnt mingle in social circles of married people... he doesnt know his plans. Which is fine because its very girly for a guy to have marriage plans.

    We exchanged nos. He stays in Delhi and works there. He doesnt have any facebook page etc.

    But its only I who call him. He never calls. When I call he seems interesting... and he did say that its not like he has any other alliance he's involved in. Plus seeing him it doesnt look like he ever had a girlfriend or any other arranged marriage option.

    But looks like he considers marriage to be a cut throat business deal.
    He wants civil marriage with only signatories. He doesnt want any party. He doesnt want any jewellery... not even wedding/sagai ring. He doesnt want any dowry... and wants my mother and me to sign on a stamp paper that no dowry was taken. Its ok but very military kind of life. No romance... only rules n regulations.
    see if his nature matches yours...
    or atleast you both compliment each other...
    a relationship without any chemistry , is everywhere, but I wouldn't recommend it.

  12. #12
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    Typical male vs female nature. Men live in real world and are realistic and plan for if anything goes wrong. Women dont use brain much and care more about romance, emotions, unnecessary worries etc. Girls live in imaginations of getting married since the age of 11. They live their lives thinking how great that special day is going to be. Men's think how they are going to support and provide for the family after that great day is over.
    Signing a dotted line seems not reasonable though. But think about how much money will be saved of both of the families. Roughly 30 lakh. Spend this much on your wedding only when you have earned this much yourself.

  13. #13
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    Typical male vs female nature. Men live in real world and are realistic and plan for if anything goes wrong. Women dont use brain much and care more about romance, emotions, unnecessary worries etc. Girls live in imaginations of getting married since the age of 11. They live their lives thinking how great that special day is going to be. Men's think how they are going to support and provide for the family after that great day is over.
    Signing a dotted line seems not reasonable though. But think about how much money will be saved of both of the families. Roughly 30 lakh. Spend this much on your wedding only when you have earned this much yourself.

  14. #14
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    Just go by your gut feeling.. Even if you doubt 1% or feel 0.1% that you will not be happy with him ,Do NOT GO AHEAD!!
    its life turning decision .. No scope should be left to regret latter.

  15. #15
    SB Guru Major rv102938's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by imtheruchi2 View Post
    Just go by your gut feeling.. Even if you doubt 1% or feel 0.1% that you will not be happy with him ,Do NOT GO AHEAD!!
    its life turning decision .. No scope should be left to regret latter.
    ab tak uske 2 bachche bhi nikal gaye honge...
    Ek din sher banke jeene se behtar hai do din sher banke jiyo...

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