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Thread: What's their real relationship?

  1. #1
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    Default What's their real relationship?

    My boyfriend went overseas for about half a year and he got to know a girl there. When he came back I noticed they were still keeping in touch. When I asked him he told me they weren't. I decided to snoop through his phone (yes I know i really shouldn't) and I saw him sending him pictures of his family, himself, pictures he sent to me as well. He also wished her on special occasions like Valentine's Day etc. every time we were quarreling, it seems he found it in him to still strike a conversation with her to keep in touch.

    Now my boyfriend told me that he believes in drawing lines clearly and he forbade me from keeping in touch with my male friends. So seeing that he's crossing these lines made me uncomfortable. I asked him again if he felt that texting girl friends happy Valentine's Day etc is something that counts as crossing the line and if he ever texted one. He said yes it's crossing the line and he never did text a girl that. Before I could confront him with the evidence on his phone, he deleted those text messages and got angry when I told him i already saw them.

    Even after I told him I was hurt by his actions and I wanted him to stay away from her, he still continued to reply her messages in group chats (because he says it's a group chat and not private) and he refuses to delete her on Facebook or truly cut off all contact because he says that she was a really good friend who didn't judge him.

    So I guess after my really long story, I just want to know what do you guys think. Do you think he actually liked her for awhile and finds it hard to cut it off? How long will it take for him to actually say ok I'm going to delete her out of my life?

    I have a really hard time getting over it because he has no answers for my questions. He tells me he never liked her, that she was just a good friend and he doesn't know why he deleted those text messages or why he lied about keeping in touch with her when he could have told me straight. I just don't get it. How do I get over it? Did he or did he not feel a hint of attraction for her?

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Hi! Well, yes, it does seem as if he liked her at some point- maybe only as a good friend, but the thing is that he is in a relationship with you now and evidently, possessive about you as well. see, if she's been a really good friend, then its not fair of you to want him to ignore her completely. It does not appear as if there have been any romantic messages exchanged either, so why should you be insecure about their relationship?

  3. #3
    Dactar :) Lieutenant-Colonel Neha1's Avatar
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    I can bet on the fact tht ur relation is in trouble due to this girl. Somewhere ur bf has feelings for her. I don't think ur efforts can push them apart if they are already so close. Give him a clear cut warning and just see his reaction. U will know the truth.
    Anything that costs you your peace is too expensive

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    « rahmaniac » Lieutenant-Colonel ariesgirl's Avatar
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    Maybe she is just a good friend.. That's all... And maybe he deleted those texts coz he thinks that you might over react...
    You know that he isn't going back to that country or to be with her... He was probably alone there and she was a good friend during that phase... And so they are still in touch.. It's not like he is cheating on you.. Like u said,even if he had had some feelings for her then,he is not gonna go there to be with her or something... Just chill.. Trust him.. And be patient,just like any other short friendship, this too might fade away soon in today's busy world and they will eventually be out of touch..
    Give people roses while they can still smell them. . .

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    If him staying in touch with her is bothering you, just tell him clearly to stop all communications with her or forget you. You need to have a backbone and be ready for breakup if it ensues.
    You never know what you can become ..

  6. #6
    SB Guru Major rv102938's Avatar
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    this is a done and dusted relationship b/w you and him, i really dont see a future. if you stick with him, you'll only have problems. i can understand if someone makes a mistake, stays in touch, etc. but if he lied after you clearly asked him, that tells me he is not worth it. i would never continue with such a partner. even after that, he got angry, thats a clear signal. move on girl, i know its tough, but sometimes its better to bury the relationship than to drag a rotten one.

    if he cannot break contact with a girl for your relationship, what does that mean? whats more important for him? facebook friendship with a controversial girl or being in love with his gf? if he cannot make a choice, or to be precise he has chosen to be in touch with her.
    Last edited by rv102938; 14-03-2016 at 05:30 AM.
    Ek din sher banke jeene se behtar hai do din sher banke jiyo...

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    My boyfriend went overseas for about half a year and he got to know a girl there. When he came back I noticed they were still keeping in touch. When I asked him he told me they weren't. I decided to snoop through his phone (yes I know i really shouldn't) and I saw him sending him pictures of his family, himself, pictures he sent to me as well. He also wished her on special occasions like Valentine's Day etc. every time we were quarreling, it seems he found it in him to still strike a conversation with her to keep in touch.

    Now my boyfriend told me that he believes in drawing lines clearly and he forbade me from keeping in touch with my male friends. So seeing that he's crossing these lines made me uncomfortable. I asked him again if he felt that texting girl friends happy Valentine's Day etc is something that counts as crossing the line and if he ever texted one. He said yes it's crossing the line and he never did text a girl that. Before I could confront him with the evidence on his phone, he deleted those text messages and got angry when I told him i already saw them.

    Even after I told him I was hurt by his actions and I wanted him to stay away from her, he still continued to reply her messages in group chats (because he says it's a group chat and not private) and he refuses to delete her on Facebook or truly cut off all contact because he says that she was a really good friend who didn't judge him.

    So I guess after my really long story, I just want to know what do you guys think. Do you think he actually liked her for awhile and finds it hard to cut it off? How long will it take for him to actually say ok I'm going to delete her out of my life?

    I have a really hard time getting over it because he has no answers for my questions. He tells me he never liked her, that she was just a good friend and he doesn't know why he deleted those text messages or why he lied about keeping in touch with her when he could have told me straight. I just don't get it. How do I get over it? Did he or did he not feel a hint of attraction for her?
    he is attracted towards this lady...

  8. #8
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    Default Lack of trust and freedom isn't relationship

    You are both impeaching on each other's freedom while both are displaying lack of trust.

    You should re-look at your relationship and if it is worth the long run. Having a fling and physical intimacy is different from having a compatible mindset.

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    Hummmm.... ....

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    Hummmm.... ....

  11. #11
    ♥ fєmmє fαtαlє ♥ Major Sweet Mimi's Avatar
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    Be aware that he is feeling safe to have her part of his life. And i want you know that WHEN A MAN TRUELY LOVES YOU HE WILL ALWAYS LISTEN TO WHAT IS UPSETTING YOU. he wont do things to hurt you. This world is plenty of selfish people. Sometimes the person we love the most hurt us. Thats because we gave them the chance to do so.

    You knw what, i may be an outsider telling you this but the world works the same in every corner of the world. I would suggest you, try to look for another person who can give you loyalty in return to your loyalty. Because waiting for your bf to change wont happen. Even if you forces him to stop talking to the girl he will simply lie to you, and will find other ways to do so.

    I had experienced this... my bf used to keep contact with his ex. I cried and told him i cant accept that. Lets split. He promised he wont do so. So he deleted her from fb, removed her and blocked her from his phone.

    To my surprise after 5 years, i find out, he has another secret fb acc with not only his ex but plenty of other things... he had two phones. One was always at home. So whenver we met his phone was always clean. I used to check his phone infront of him. He was cool with it. What a fool i was thinking he is so true to me, he doesnt mind me seeing his phone. But reality was simply all his filthy things were happening at night only with another phone and another fb.

    Lesson i learnt from this was you can never stop someone from cheating you even if you make it clear or order the person to do things according to what you want. The person will only do things that he wants to do. And you cant have control over that.

    I gave the person the chance to play st my back. I request you dont do that. Its not easy to break up like this but i will ask u keep your eyes open and welcone people in life. The day you get the right one move on. You dont need to feel bad for playing it safe because you wouldnt do so if he was a person who respected your feelings. I hope u take the right decision.

  12. #12
    SB Guru Major rv102938's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sweet Mimi View Post
    Be aware that he is feeling safe to have her part of his life. And i want you know that WHEN A MAN TRUELY LOVES YOU HE WILL ALWAYS LISTEN TO WHAT IS UPSETTING YOU. he wont do things to hurt you. This world is plenty of selfish people. Sometimes the person we love the most hurt us. Thats because we gave them the chance to do so.

    You knw what, i may be an outsider telling you this but the world works the same in every corner of the world. I would suggest you, try to look for another person who can give you loyalty in return to your loyalty. Because waiting for your bf to change wont happen. Even if you forces him to stop talking to the girl he will simply lie to you, and will find other ways to do so.

    I had experienced this... my bf used to keep contact with his ex. I cried and told him i cant accept that. Lets split. He promised he wont do so. So he deleted her from fb, removed her and blocked her from his phone.

    To my surprise after 5 years, i find out, he has another secret fb acc with not only his ex but plenty of other things... he had two phones. One was always at home. So whenver we met his phone was always clean. I used to check his phone infront of him. He was cool with it. What a fool i was thinking he is so true to me, he doesnt mind me seeing his phone. But reality was simply all his filthy things were happening at night only with another phone and another fb.

    Lesson i learnt from this was you can never stop someone from cheating you even if you make it clear or order the person to do things according to what you want. The person will only do things that he wants to do. And you cant have control over that.

    I gave the person the chance to play st my back. I request you dont do that. Its not easy to break up like this but i will ask u keep your eyes open and welcone people in life. The day you get the right one move on. You dont need to feel bad for playing it safe because you wouldnt do so if he was a person who respected your feelings. I hope u take the right decision.
    2 saal se jyada ho gaye query pooch ke...
    Ek din sher banke jeene se behtar hai do din sher banke jiyo...

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