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Thread: My parents want me to live with them and remain unmarried

  1. #1
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    Default My parents want me to live with them and remain unmarried

    Dear Preeto
    I am an educated independent woman and have a good job in a city living away from my parents.
    I am in my 40s and still hope to get married. My parents live with my brother and his family.
    My parents are dropping heavy hints that I should buy a house and move in with them to look after them.
    I am upset at this because it means that I should give up all hope of marriage and having my own life.

    My parents never had any interest in finding me a marriage partner until my sister married out of our religion.
    Then they panicked and started looking when I was in my late 30s. However apart from one rishta which did not work out they then gave up.
    I feel I should not give up on getting married, but my parents have already given up on me.
    I love my parents and have supported them financially since starting work, but I also feel resentful that they have not thought about my future or my happiness.
    How do I make them understand that moving in with them will mean giving up my hopes of a married life?

    Nazdil

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Well, you know what you want, and you are old enough and independent enough to hold out for it, so well, state your point of view and stick by it. You have your own life, have been a good daughter and will probably continue to be one. So, tell them that you are nor ready to move in with them- you'll do your duty in other ways however.

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    Dear Nazdil,

    It is unfortunate that your parents are oblivious to YOUR needs and the joy of having a loving companion to share your life with. 40 is not too late. It is never too late to share your journey with someone who loves you and cares for you. The thought of waking up to an empty bed every morning eats away the motivation to go on.

    Talk to them and reassure them that you would continue to support them, within your reasonable means and even try and live close by. Since, they are already living with your brother, and probably finding it tough to "adjust", you may want THEM to talk to your brother and you at the same time and take up an independent house in the close vicinity.

    I am in my 40's too and I would be happy to marry you and let you continue to support your parents. They could also come over for a few months and spend some time in the city. Never give up on finding love. There is someone waiting for you. go ahead and find him. Maybe, you just did..

  4. #4
    « rahmaniac » Lieutenant-Colonel ariesgirl's Avatar
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    It's time to take things into your hands... Create a matrimonial profile and start the search... Don't expect your parents to get you married... You have to make the initiative on your own...A to Z.. You shouldn't forget to live your life amidst your parents' tantrums..
    Give people roses while they can still smell them. . .

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    SB Guru Major rv102938's Avatar
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    and the lazy parents award goes to......nazdil ke pappa and mummy.....

    why is your marriage "an elephant in the room" i.e such an awkward thing to discuss. just tell them that you want to get married....looks like you havent done that....its strange why is it awkward?
    Ek din sher banke jeene se behtar hai do din sher banke jiyo...

  6. #6
    SB Wizard Captain o00's Avatar
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    40 is too late, so live alone and enjoy whatever is left. Alone means alone, find a nurse or a maid for your parents if they are old.

  7. #7
    Dactar :) Lieutenant-Colonel Neha1's Avatar
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    Try to find suitable match on some matrimonial site. There are many men there of ur age group. Don't lose hope and don't rely on ur parents anymore. Tell ur prospective groom about ur parent s attitude and see if he is able to handle.
    Anything that costs you your peace is too expensive

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    You don't have to give up on marriage and your parents don't have to give up on living with you. Just find a guy who's willing to live with you and your parents after marriage. If he loves you then he won't mind. Just make sure you find a guy your parents can get along with.
    Just think about it: What would happen if you marry a guy and he tells you to live with his parents. Then you have to adjust to his and his parents needs.
    I personally think you should live with your parents. They raised you and took care of you and now it's time for you to take care of them. Perhaps they don't get along with their daughter in law or there is some issue at your brothers house which is causing them some heartache. So why not give your parents some peace of mind and peace in life and live with them. Support them in their old age. It's much easier to live with your own parents then to live with your husbands parents.
    Besides marriage is not all that. Don't you see what your friends are going thru. You're the lucky one. Besides, if you're not planning to have kids then what's the point of marriage. It's just a headache - just ask any one who's married for the past 10 years.
    In all seriousness, support your parents, they are asking for your help. Sure, you have to give up some of your independence but so what. You're in your 40's now. You should be more understanding.

  9. #9
    New Born confused_butterfly's Avatar
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    Best option is to tell your parents, relatives and finds to find a rishta for you and also post some matrimonial ad. You need to seek out a partner for yourself. After all it is your life and your decision.

  10. #10
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    However its never too late. But one rishta that didnt work out...... in late 30's. How many will not work out in 40's. Are you willing to accept a widower with children. I think you can easily find one. However, recently i saw a thread where a child of 20 wasn't willing for his 48 yr old dad to remarry. His mother died two months ago. And all the santa banta monsters were screaming on him..."like he is your dad and not you are his dad". I felt very sad for the child.

    I am saying, you sure can find someone. But their might be the whole world opposing you.

    Sorry, i am realistic. But the monsters here are morons.

  11. #11
    SB Guru Major rv102938's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 9am View Post
    Are you willing to accept a widower with children. I think you can easily find one. However, recently i saw a thread where a child of 20 wasn't willing for his 48 yr old dad to remarry. His mother died two months ago.
    so you are suggesting she should marry the widower? the query is 5 months old...
    Ek din sher banke jeene se behtar hai do din sher banke jiyo...

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