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Thread: How do I talk to my dad about his mistakes?

  1. #1
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    Default How do I talk to my dad about his mistakes?

    Dear Mam,


    I need your advice. Please help me.


    My dad has worked hard all his life and have achieved a lot with his hard work. It is only because of him we could get good education since he took the difficult decision of moving to a city from a village. He has been the hero of the family as he always helps his siblings financially and morally. In a nutshell, he has earned a good respect (very well deserved).


    For the last few months, he has been getting calls (mostly missed calls and then he calls back) and he steps out to talk to the person on phone. After full verification, I have got to know it is a lady whose husband (passed away more than 10 years ago) used to be my dad's friend. My dad talks to her at-least 15-20 times a day, every-day for more than 6 months and have not saved her number on his phone so no one gets to know about it. I know this as I spend most of my day with my dad these days. He looks happy on the phone. In other words, my dad is having an affair with the lady.


    I want to confront my dad on this and make him realize he is going in the wrong direction for 3 reasons
    1. Having an extra marital affair is wrong
    2. If such a thing is discovered by others, he will end up losing all his reputation that he has earned over the years
    3. Our business is also suffering. We had to bear loss in business as my dad favoured the lady in a deal by purchasing their land that is a dead property.


    However, there is one problem in this situation. My dad is a heart patient. I am afraid how he will take this when I will talk to him on this matter (by discovering that I know his secret). Also, some passing by pandit told him that he will have very critical time with health this year. (P.S. I do not trust such pandits but my dad does). I am in a dilemma on how to talk to him on this topic.

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Hmmm...listen, if they are only having some conversations on the phone, then you really don't have to make a big deal about it. However, you can casually ask who is he taking to? Or who is calling him so often these days? Something like that. Avoid a direct accusation but make him aware that his actions are being noticed. that may prevent him from going any further.
    If, he still does not alter his ways, then you can have further conversation with him, but make sure that its not confrontational- give him a respectable face saving exit route.

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    SB Guru Major rv102938's Avatar
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    subtle talk. asking firmly but indirectly, just play dumb as if you dont know. maybe things are not like what they seem. maybe its just one side sympathetic favoritism, not a full fledge affair. also good to indirectly make him realize about his reputation.
    Ek din sher banke jeene se behtar hai do din sher banke jiyo...

  4. #4
    SB Champion Captain o00's Avatar
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    Don't poke your nose in his life, enjoy your own life and if you cant stand him, move out.
    You never know what you can become ..

  5. #5
    New Born mumbaiplayer's Avatar
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    There is nothing wrong with your dad doing such a thing. I think you should leave him be if it is an affair which it probably is not. It is more likely others will find out if you get involved with this situation and spoil relations with your dad.

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    In situations like such, its always to successful to have a third-person kinda discussion. Meaning -

    When you both are alone, not in a hurry, and in normal good mood, tell him - you are feeling so bad about a friend X, who discovered his uncle Y is having an affair, and that the friend is totally devastated. Imagine what might be going thru the Y's son's mind. Tell that, Y's wife attempted suicide by popping lots of pills blah blah.

    Remember, all this discussion to happen in a very innocent n friendly way. He will get the hint, n may be mend ways.

  7. #7
    SB Guru Major rv102938's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rhythmic View Post
    In situations like such, its always to successful to have a third-person kinda discussion. Meaning -

    When you both are alone, not in a hurry, and in normal good mood, tell him - you are feeling so bad about a friend X, who discovered his uncle Y is having an affair, and that the friend is totally devastated. Imagine what might be going thru the Y's son's mind. Tell that, Y's wife attempted suicide by popping lots of pills blah blah.

    Remember, all this discussion to happen in a very innocent n friendly way. He will get the hint, n may be mend ways.
    good idea, but this idea will backfire if his dad says - "give me Y's wife's contact, i will take care of her"
    Ek din sher banke jeene se behtar hai do din sher banke jiyo...

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