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Thread: I hit her & she wants out from marriage

  1. #1
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    Default I hit her & she wants out from marriage

    hello Mam,
    I married to my college friend for almost 8-9 years and we have one kid. Our relationship from dating was kind of weird because of my temper. I get upset very quickly and start throwing things around and I did hit her few times before getting married. Eventually we got married and I don't know when it started but I think in discussing some family matters I got upset and hit her few times again.....during this time we would be ok and then fight every now and then..... Before getting married I knew she had a boyfriend. That's all.

    After 6 years of marriage we decided to have a kid and we promised i will behave and wont repeat my mistakes. We have a baby boy who is now 2.5 years old. After the baby boy was born, we never slept together as she didn't want to get have physical relationship because of my past behavior. I told if you need time, I will sleep by myself. so for past 2 years I been sleeping by myself with no physical relationship between us until now. If I go close to her, she would start blaming for past mistakes.

    they went back to India few times in past two years. In 2014 she went to India to see my sick parents. After she came back things started getting worst. She started to literally blame me for everything and our relation ship started getting worst. Now comes 2015 December, one of her cousin was about to get married and she wanted some time off, so I suggested she goes back to India for her Cousin's wedding and spend few months to relax. I suggested her to think carefully about our relationship and then if she can forgive me of what I did in the past- then she should come back to me if not she can live there forever with our son and i will blame myself for this broken marriage.

    March 2016 I came to India myself to see my father-All these years I didn't go back, because I was waiting for my paperwork- She was my dependent and I didn't wanted to screw anything. So I came back around mid march and she came back from India around end of march, after staying there for 3 months. One day on my way to office, I see an email on her locked screen from her ex boyfriend asking about the gmail
    she created for him. now I was taken by big surprise. I thought may be its just something simple. I know her password and she knows mine. We have lot of joints account and password are something we both know. I went to office and logged on to her mailbox and she had just replied saying you should ask questions on the phone not on the email- and I saw that email.

    Now I got stressed and I got feeling of betrayal.

    then all of a sudden, Skype on the web has his name and he said hello...I was hoping my wife wont respond but no she responded and eventually this thing started back in 2014. they been in relationship for past 1.5 years and I was not aware. She told me they had multiple physical relationships. she told me that she wanted to end this but couldn't. she now wants to stay away from me with my son. (now she has a US Permanent Resident status through me). All these years she was waiting for that. When I ask her, do you guys want to be together then she says she doesn't know. i am in a quite shock stage because I cant believe what has happened to me. She still blames me. I had told her
    several times, if you are not happy then go live by yourself but cheating is not the solutions. I cant share this to anyone-I don't know what to do. Also she was using her Credit card to help him run his business. Please suggest any help as to what should I do. I want to continue with this relationship as I have made mistakes (not cheating).. so I want to forgive her for what she has done and we start fresh...

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Listen, it seems like this relationship was doomed to sink right from the start. Getting physical and verbal abuse to a woman or even to a man partner is just not OK. its debilitates the mind, body and soul of the person being subjected to the abuse.
    Maybe she was dependent on you so she did not move out of the marriage, but somewhere down the line, she must have decided that enough was enough. See, its not like you forgive her and she forgives you and all is well again. There are deep scars that are caused over long term and those become the rifts in the marriage.
    You can ask her to try again, but if she's unwilling to do it this time, you'll have to accept it sooner or later.

  3. #3
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    Voluntary Manslaughter - Fine or up to 15 years imprisonment

    Alimony - Half pay for the rest of your life

    Staying with a B1tch - Life Sentence

    I've made my point. You make your choice

  4. #4
    SB Guru Major rv102938's Avatar
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    this relationship is done and dusted, why do you want to drag if only one person (you) is in this relationship. just keep all proofs of her affair, in case you need it. tell her bye bye and let her go her own merry way. anything else will give you grief with no real benefits...
    Ek din sher banke jeene se behtar hai do din sher banke jiyo...

  5. #5
    Dactar :) Lieutenant-Colonel Neha1's Avatar
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    Sorry to say but there is nothing left in this relationship. She was with u just for the PR thing. thts why she was tolerating ur abuse. u didn't play ur part well n she didn't either. Better both of u come to a closure and stay happy.
    Anything that costs you your peace is too expensive

  6. #6
    SB Champion Captain o00's Avatar
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    It is too late to act. You didn't mend yourself in the start and in the US, if you abuse your spouse you can be behind bars for really long. Give her what she wants, divorce or whatever. Don't try to get her immigration thing revoked (you can't anyway). She must have collected proofs of abuse and battered spouses can get permanent GC and eventually citizenship (if she has a conditional GC) even if a divorce has happened. She paid for it by enduring your abuse, she has earned it. So relax and part your ways with her and live as a single guy till you get your anger issues cured via counseling and/or a psychiatrist treatment.
    Last edited by o00; 20-04-2016 at 04:45 AM.

  7. #7
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    I am shocked and moved. She betrayed you bro. Feeling sorry for you. Take care.

  8. #8
    ♥ fєmmє fαtαlє ♥ Major Sweet Mimi's Avatar
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    thats what happen when you dont knw how to keep what you have safely.. you took her for granted.. bearing physically tortures is not easy for any woman.. you just dont get physically hurt but a lot more emotionally hurt. often if someone else shower care human tend to get dragged.. cheating is never a solution but unfortunately you are responsible for what happened. leave her if thats what she want!
    I'm a shhh girl
    Loving me could be a crime

  9. #9
    SB Guru Major rosalie's Avatar
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    Pardon me if I sound too feminist! Well I think u should be behind bars for domestic violence, I do not tolerate nor encourage any kind of violence against women. I have no sympathy for you here my friend.
    your wife must be waiting for some opportunity to leave u I'm not sure why she stayed with u for soo long. What I think she should do is call the cops on u, make sure u go to jail and divorce u!


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    Quote Originally Posted by CaliLazyAd View Post
    hello Mam,
    I married to my college friend for almost 8-9 years and we have one kid. Our relationship from dating was kind of weird because of my temper. I get upset very quickly and start throwing things around and I did hit her few times before getting married. Eventually we got married and I don't know when it started but I think in discussing some family matters I got upset and hit her few times again.....during this time we would be ok and then fight every now and then..... Before getting married I knew she had a boyfriend. That's all.

    After 6 years of marriage we decided to have a kid and we promised i will behave and wont repeat my mistakes. We have a baby boy who is now 2.5 years old. After the baby boy was born, we never slept together as she didn't want to get have physical relationship because of my past behavior. I told if you need time, I will sleep by myself. so for past 2 years I been sleeping by myself with no physical relationship between us until now. If I go close to her, she would start blaming for past mistakes.

    they went back to India few times in past two years. In 2014 she went to India to see my sick parents. After she came back things started getting worst. She started to literally blame me for everything and our relation ship started getting worst. Now comes 2015 December, one of her cousin was about to get married and she wanted some time off, so I suggested she goes back to India for her Cousin's wedding and spend few months to relax. I suggested her to think carefully about our relationship and then if she can forgive me of what I did in the past- then she should come back to me if not she can live there forever with our son and i will blame myself for this broken marriage.

    March 2016 I came to India myself to see my father-All these years I didn't go back, because I was waiting for my paperwork- She was my dependent and I didn't wanted to screw anything. So I came back around mid march and she came back from India around end of march, after staying there for 3 months. One day on my way to office, I see an email on her locked screen from her ex boyfriend asking about the gmail
    she created for him. now I was taken by big surprise. I thought may be its just something simple. I know her password and she knows mine. We have lot of joints account and password are something we both know. I went to office and logged on to her mailbox and she had just replied saying you should ask questions on the phone not on the email- and I saw that email.

    Now I got stressed and I got feeling of betrayal.

    then all of a sudden, Skype on the web has his name and he said hello...I was hoping my wife wont respond but no she responded and eventually this thing started back in 2014. they been in relationship for past 1.5 years and I was not aware. She told me they had multiple physical relationships. she told me that she wanted to end this but couldn't. she now wants to stay away from me with my son. (now she has a US Permanent Resident status through me). All these years she was waiting for that. When I ask her, do you guys want to be together then she says she doesn't know. i am in a quite shock stage because I cant believe what has happened to me. She still blames me. I had told her
    several times, if you are not happy then go live by yourself but cheating is not the solutions. I cant share this to anyone-I don't know what to do. Also she was using her Credit card to help him run his business. Please suggest any help as to what should I do. I want to continue with this relationship as I have made mistakes (not cheating).. so I want to forgive her for what she has done and we start fresh...
    Stop hitting ladies. Show some respect to them. Be a man!

  11. #11
    New Born manish_ch_munda's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rosalie View Post
    Pardon me if I sound too feminist! Well I think u should be behind bars for domestic violence, I do not tolerate nor encourage any kind of violence against women. I have no sympathy for you here my friend.
    your wife must be waiting for some opportunity to leave u I'm not sure why she stayed with u for soo long. What I think she should do is call the cops on u, make sure u go to jail and divorce u!
    He Hit her once so she betrayed him silently. WOW !! and you are supporting her. She silently joined old bf for Physical relationship. She was hiding because even she knows she is doing wrong. Pathetic !!

  12. #12
    New Born manish_ch_munda's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rosalie View Post
    Pardon me if I sound too feminist! Well I think u should be behind bars for domestic violence, I do not tolerate nor encourage any kind of violence against women. I have no sympathy for you here my friend.
    your wife must be waiting for some opportunity to leave u I'm not sure why she stayed with u for soo long. What I think she should do is call the cops on u, make sure u go to jail and divorce u!
    He Hit her once so she betrayed him silently. WOW !! and you are supporting her. She silently joined old bf for Physical relationship. She was hiding because even she knows she is doing wrong. Pathetic !!

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