Breaking up time and again!

Unregistered · 07-07-2016, 04:49 AM

Hey guys,

Well, before i begin, i would like you to take into consideration the fact that my society isn't as open minded as yours. However feel free to give your opinion.

It started about 2 years back. I have always been kinda very possessive and she is more open minded as compared to me. So I always gave her space, not interfering much in her friendship and all. Only speaking up when i felt something is going too far, other than that i just used to give her indirect clues when i didnt liked something.

Moving next, she had a very close friend before i moved into relation with her, coincidentally he was junior to me in my school. He at times used to call her late at night, was at times flirtatious, which all in all kinda bothered me but i trusted him, as he had been my school fellow. However, a month and a half back, i opened up her fb account and opened up their convo with intention to see if he had conveyed a few weeks old message to her. But, i found myself moving to more older messages than i should have been (which i know is my fault). I stumbled upon some sexual kind of messages, boner, ride, massage kinda stuff, which infact was initiated by that guy but she hadnt tried to stop her either.

I had never expected anything of such sort of her. I trusted her blindly, and i found it to be breaking. I confronted her about it. I felt broken. And her explanation to all of it was that when she tried to stop him in previous convo of such nature, he used to get a bit furious. So she didnt really stop him after that because she didnt wanted to lose him as a friend. Which instead of making me feel better, made me feel even horrible. I told her i need some time, but i found myself texting to her later that evening. I asked her to leave her friend if she still wished to be with me. She said she had already texted him regarding this. After a while, after passing a lil comments, she said she is gonna leave, apparently because of the guilt she had. I kept on asking her to stay. She did but after a day or two, she again left and i kept asking her to stay even after everything that i had been feeling. I asked her friend to make her understand that she shouldnt leave. After i did, she said she would stick with me, however a few hours later i found out that she intended to slowly increase the distance between us and leave eventually.

It broke me even further and i told i would leave, but then again, i found myself talking to her the next day. After few ups and down we kept it going for another one and half month. I never mentioned the case ever until a few days back eventhough it flashed across my mind quite frequently. We ended up arguing on it again. She decided to leave again. After asking her to stay a few times, i eventually gave in to whatever she wished to do. We broke up. And the trust that remained, was also lost after she broke this time. A few days later, i initiated convo, she asked to come back, but she wasnt ready to commit myself anymore, and after all that had happend, i couldnt bring myself to get back when i knew she cant commit to me anymore and she might leave anytime again. After that, couple of days ago, she asked to be back together again, and was ready to commit, so i agreed. But only after an hour or so. She said that she felt like i had moved on because i told her off when she asked to get back the first time when she wasnt ready to commit. And that i had been having, apparently, some "break up parties" which were infact iftari outings instead of asking her how she was doing. After some spiced up argument, She said this is over, yet again!

Please suggest me what to do, and please point out if you think there is any mistake at my part.
Thanks for your time.

**Preeto Maam** · 11-07-2016, 02:28 PM

Hi! See, its not about whose fault it is. many times its not anyone's fault, but two people are just not compatible enough to be together as partners. It could be the case here as well.
It does not seem that you both are really committed to each other- in fact, you seem to be breaking up more than being together. In that case, you may want to put some distance between yourselves and give each other time and space. It not necessary to drag on with a relationship when there's no real wish to do so on either side.

**rv102938** · 11-07-2016, 08:40 PM

this looks like a see-saw ride. in a relationship, there is no right or wrong. so us telling you wont help.

as i see it, you have two choices - 1) stick to your principles and move on OR 2) get her back and compensate your principles

you tried option 2 and it is clearly not working, so go with 1. i think you two dont look like someone who will make it for a long time. so moving on may not be a bad thing. problem here is you are trying to find a 3rd option where you are trying to change her as per your liking. sadly, that is not a real option here. you may do that for a short time, but eventually it will haunt you.

**o00** · 11-07-2016, 09:12 PM

Stay away from her man. I don't understand how people still talk to each other after calling the relationship off. Have a backbone.

**9am** · 08-09-2016, 09:23 AM

The girl you describe isn't open minded but of a little flirt nature. She was ready to have spicy chat including offensive language (like boner and all) with her friends even though she was in relationship with you. That's seem not right here.
You were like a puppet that she knew who couldn't leave her. when you tried to act manly and decided to leave her she wanted you to stay and promised she will stop (NOW) the other guy from sending offensive content on chat.
At this point she was habitual of living her life on her conditions. She had to chose herself or you. She was confused and was giving you mixed signals and to get a stay on the courts order of breakup until she make up her mind. So there was like see-saw kind situation in your relationship.

finally she decided she wants herself and she wanted to win the breakup. So she dumped you. Yes, she knew if you dump her. she is a loser. But if she dumps you she is the winner. You loser.

My suggestion :
whenever you miss her.. remember the kind of chats she used to have with "so called friends". The girl probably made sure first, she had other option before dumping you. I suggest move on.