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Thread: How to come out of the closet?

  1. #1
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    Default How to come out of the closet?

    Hello maam,
    I am a big fan of you advice and have been referring this site for sometime. Well, my case is that I come from a traditional family. I am 32 and currently live with my parents. I am gay and have a bf whom I met online. We have told our close friends and they are cool with it. Even my bf has told his family about us, and they are okay with us.

    Only issue is I have not yet told my parents. My elder sister who is married, she is aware of my situation. Initially she was upset, but now she is fine. My parents have been pushing for my marriage since last 4-5 years, but I have been avoiding thinking that I will tell them someday. But to tell the truth, I have not been able to gather courage. I am very sensitive and close to my family. I dont think they will ever understand what I feel. What is the suggestion on how to tell traditional parents about my situation. I understand that i have to hurt them, but any tips on how to soften the blow. Or help them recover from the news. I have stretched this as far as I can, but now I am depressed.

    P.S: Please done advice me to leave home. Leaving my old parents will be the last thing I have on mind.

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Well, if you are living at home and they are pushing you in the direction of marriage, there's really no way to avoid telling them of your disinterest in the opposite gender any longer. One way is to simply tell them that you are just not interested in girls and have no feelings for them. That maybe the way to start this conversation.
    Or you could ask your sister to be there when you decide to tell them and you both could just tell them that you are gay and will not marry a woman.
    Usually, this news is hard for a traditional family to digest, but they may just surprise you. Incidentally, this has become such an overwhelming concern that you will find many good sites on the net that will tell you how to break the news. Prepare yourself by reading up and strategising how best to deal with the situation.

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    SB Guru Major rv102938's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Preeto Maam View Post
    Well, if you are living at home and they are pushing you in the direction of marriage, there's really no way to avoid telling them of your disinterest in the opposite gender any longer. One way is to simply tell them that you are just not interested in girls and have no feelings for them. That maybe the way to start this conversation.
    Or you could ask your sister to be there when you decide to tell them and you both could just tell them that you are gay and will not marry a woman.
    Usually, this news is hard for a traditional family to digest, but they may just surprise you. Incidentally, this has become such an overwhelming concern that you will find many good sites on the net that will tell you how to break the news. Prepare yourself by reading up and strategising how best to deal with the situation.
    All I have to say has been said above.
    Ek din sher banke jeene se behtar hai do din sher banke jiyo...

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    DESTINY STILL ARRIVES! Brigadier General adirocksit's Avatar
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    Very first thing to do is start a light conversation with your parents....Then casually ask them about what they think about Gay people. "You know, what if your son was Gay? Just being hypothetical"....Then notice their reaction and break the news accordingly.
    I Hope They Remember You...



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    « rahmaniac » Lieutenant-Colonel ariesgirl's Avatar
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    I don't want to be mean to you... I don't mean to hurt you either... But from what you have written,it's not easy for your parents to accept it... There are chances for too much drama and tears... You have mentioned at the end of your query that you can't leave your home(not sure as in moving out/abandoning your parents).. Still if that's the case,will you ever be able to marry/move in with your boyfriend while your parents are alive? I mean you can't hide it from them for so long.. I guess only thing you can do here is tell them that you don't want to get married at all and that you will be fine being alone in life.. Or something like you plan to live a carefree life with no responsibilities, travel around the world so and so.. But you will have to hide your relationship from your parents as long as they are alive....
    I'm not very sure if traditional families will ever be able to understand it... You might have to lie to them,stay dishonest to your own conscience,which is very tough... So if you are planning to break the news, do it asap.. The sooner the better...
    But let me tell you, even if you ask your parents how they feel about gays prior to breaking the news, they might just say that they are ok with it.. But once you tell them that you yourself is a gay, they will loose it all.. It's the typical thing about Indian parents... So you can't even make predictions...
    If you can't hide it from them anymore, disclose it... But be prepared for their reactions and response...
    Give people roses while they can still smell them. . .

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    SB Wizard Captain o00's Avatar
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    They won't accept it. So choose the hard option.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Hello maam,
    I am a big fan of you advice and have been referring this site for sometime. Well, my case is that I come from a traditional family. I am 32 and currently live with my parents. I am gay and have a bf whom I met online. We have told our close friends and they are cool with it. Even my bf has told his family about us, and they are okay with us.

    Only issue is I have not yet told my parents. My elder sister who is married, she is aware of my situation. Initially she was upset, but now she is fine. My parents have been pushing for my marriage since last 4-5 years, but I have been avoiding thinking that I will tell them someday. But to tell the truth, I have not been able to gather courage. I am very sensitive and close to my family. I dont think they will ever understand what I feel. What is the suggestion on how to tell traditional parents about my situation. I understand that i have to hurt them, but any tips on how to soften the blow. Or help them recover from the news. I have stretched this as far as I can, but now I am depressed.

    P.S: Please done advice me to leave home. Leaving my old parents will be the last thing I have on mind.
    if you say they are traditional, then I don't think you can soften the blow....
    but if you delay more, then the blow will be even harder...in this case you will need support from inside...
    if your sister knows about your situation , then keep her aside when you disclose this to your parents...you need a pacifier if situation worsens

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    ~ cavalier ~ ♀ ☣ )o( ⌆ Lieutenant-Colonel Lisbonstar28's Avatar
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    Your sisters taken it well, could you not ask her to do the needful? failing that you could also write your parents a small letter
    So may it be

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    I would say, if you love your parents more than yourself than never come out of the closet. You know, traditional father will shoot his son in such a case. You are a disgrace on the family. Better you die and never show your face to us.. get the hell out of here.
    However, i am not sure indian law allows gay marriage. I am no lawyer. But if you marry who will go into who's house after marriage, I mean seriously. Society jiene nahi degi aur baap ghar nahi aane dega.
    I hated gay's. Had very poor thoughts about them. Like they show in bollywood movies. I have a broad mind now. live and let live. But i am not the entire society which you and your friend will have to deal with. If your secret is out. every kid on the street will yell on you.... "ohh teri vo dekho chhakka".

    Choice is yours. Make your decision. I know its not the answer to your query. Sorry.

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    DESTINY STILL ARRIVES! Brigadier General adirocksit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 9am View Post
    I would say, if you love your parents more than yourself than never come out of the closet. You know, traditional father will shoot his son in such a case. You are a disgrace on the family. Better you die and never show your face to us.. get the hell out of here.
    However, i am not sure indian law allows gay marriage. I am no lawyer. But if you marry who will go into who's house after marriage, I mean seriously. Society jiene nahi degi aur baap ghar nahi aane dega.
    I hated gay's. Had very poor thoughts about them. Like they show in bollywood movies. I have a broad mind now. live and let live. But i am not the entire society which you and your friend will have to deal with. If your secret is out. every kid on the street will yell on you.... "ohh teri vo dekho chhakka".

    Choice is yours. Make your decision. I know its not the answer to your query. Sorry.

    If we dont encourage to get accepted...nobody will accept..ever..
    I Hope They Remember You...



  11. #11
    SB Guru Major rv102938's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 9am View Post
    Better you die and never show your face to us.. get the hell out of here.
    you should do that too, but clearly you are not listening.
    Ek din sher banke jeene se behtar hai do din sher banke jiyo...

  12. #12
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    There is a difference in real world and fantasy world.. but clearly you don't get.

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    DESTINY STILL ARRIVES! Brigadier General adirocksit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 9am View Post
    There is a difference in real world and fantasy world.. but clearly you don't get.
    Look at countries like US....they accept...they weren't so accepting a lot of years ago...so you can't say its a fantasy....times change if minds change
    I Hope They Remember You...



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    you come out of your AC room... see the Indian roads... Indian People... stop by on a nearest tea stall.. and listen what an indian says. Clearly, you are not listening....

  15. #15
    SB Guru Major rv102938's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 9am View Post
    you come out of your AC room... see the Indian roads... Indian People... stop by on a nearest tea stall.. and listen what an indian says. Clearly, you are not listening....
    if Indian policies had to go by what people on the streets say, then we would still be practising child marriage, sati, dowry and what not.
    Ek din sher banke jeene se behtar hai do din sher banke jiyo...

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