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Thread: Affair with bestfriend's sister

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    Default Affair with bestfriend's sister

    Me and bestfriend have been friends for many years, even going to each other's homes. When he shifted to US 2 years back, I just happened to interact with his sister. Interation changed to friendship and frienship to romance. Nothing was planned, and before I could realize one thing to another. I even got physical with her. Many times, I thought of giving hints of our relationship to my friend but his sister kept saying no, as he will not like it, especially when he was not here. But now, he is about to come back in few months and I will have hard time keeping this a secret from him. We have always shared our crushes and sexual desires, fantasies, etc.

    Should I tell him now or wait for him to be back? His sister says that I should not tell him even after he is back. only tell him when we are closer to getting married. But my marriage is too far away and frankly, I am not sure if I want to marry his sister, havent made up my mind on that yet. I am totally confused as to what all information I should share? How to share it? Have I just lost my bestfriend because of my romance with this sister?

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    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Well, obviously she has marriage on her mind, and you should have discussed the long term plans by now. So, what do you want to share with the brother? that you are having an affair with his sister but don't want to marry her?
    Better sort out your relationship with the girl before you decide to tell your friend. For all you know, once you've sorted out things with her, there may not be anything to tell!

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    SB Guru Major rv102938's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Have I just lost my bestfriend because of my romance with this sister?
    i would have to say yes for the above question.

    as i see it you have 2 options where you may be able to keep you friendship going -
    - you keep your affair secret from the brother, breakup with her on good terms - brother never comes to know - you are good with him
    - you decide to marry her - tell brother - brother takes it in a good way - you are good with him

    in any other case, i dont see a way where you can keep the friendship, if he has any dignity. first thing, you need to be clear on what you need to do - marry or not marry. then talk to the sister. and all this you need to do now, as you dont seem to have much time.
    Ek din sher banke jeene se behtar hai do din sher banke jiyo...

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    « rahmaniac » Lieutenant-Colonel ariesgirl's Avatar
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    If you didn't have plans to marry her, why did you even go ahead with it,particularly when it's with your best friend's sister? You have any idea how messed up the situation is right now? By the way what are you planning to tell him? That you had an affair with his sister, had sex multiple times,but you don't want to marry her? Or are you going to hide the rest and just say that you 'like her'? I don't understand what this girl means by saying not to disclose the relationship to her own brother now and that you can talk when it's time for marriage. I wonder if she thinks that her brother will never feel betrayed by hiding everything for so long, like one day, you guys tell him, we love each other and we want to get married, and she expects her brother to be totally cool with the news and not wonder why he was kept in the dark.
    You are most likely to lose your best friend. If you leave her saying that you don't have the intention to marry her, she might be heart broken and may disclose everything to her brother. I really don't know what you should be talking to him at this point,when you have come so far. If it was about some other girl, he must have told you to take it easy even if you told him that you had sex with the girl, don't want to marry her, but she is talking about marriage. But here the girl is his own sister. He might lose his calm and may even break your face because he would clearly think that you were using her..
    Give people roses while they can still smell them. . .

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    You have messed up situation and u certainly deserve to lose his friendship... why did u get physical when u didn't want to marry her . You don't deserve both ... neither her love nor his friendship.
    Anything that costs you your peace is too expensive

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    Poor girl. You are doing bad to her

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    Alright Alright ppl are getting judgy judgy here....I understand your situation...You're probably young thats why you're not thinking about marriage. Marriage is a scary thing, there is nothing wrong of being unsure of this with your friend's sister. But...and this is a huge "but"...your "bae" is expecting of a future with you and marriage or not, primary thing to do in any relationship is to be honest. Forget the friend, firstly, be honest about this with your girl, yeah its gonna shock her. But, tell her that you need time to think about this "marry" bit. Nothing wrong with that.

    And then the friend, look you have to tell him. There will be shock, anger, then more shock and more anger. But isn't it obvious? Brothers are protective about their sisters, especially when they know exactly who that person is (Ref. your desires, fantasies). But learn to deal with it. Be honest with people and learn to confront.
    I Hope They Remember You...



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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Me and bestfriend have been friends for many years, even going to each other's homes. When he shifted to US 2 years back, I just happened to interact with his sister. Interation changed to friendship and frienship to romance. Nothing was planned, and before I could realize one thing to another. I even got physical with her. Many times, I thought of giving hints of our relationship to my friend but his sister kept saying no, as he will not like it, especially when he was not here. But now, he is about to come back in few months and I will have hard time keeping this a secret from him. We have always shared our crushes and sexual desires, fantasies, etc.

    Should I tell him now or wait for him to be back? His sister says that I should not tell him even after he is back. only tell him when we are closer to getting married. But my marriage is too far away and frankly, I am not sure if I want to marry his sister, havent made up my mind on that yet. I am totally confused as to what all information I should share? How to share it? Have I just lost my bestfriend because of my romance with this sister?
    you have broken probably the worst case of guy code...
    "having a affair with your sister" should not be the tone...in any circumstance...and since he is your best friend, I would advise you to be careful..because you can lose a friend for life...
    if you want to proceed for permanent relationship, then only disclosing this news to your friend would be advisable...
    if its an affair, not telling him would be the way....
    but I would strongly recommend on deciding a final decision...be it marriage or breakup...

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    SB Champion Captain o00's Avatar
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    You are a shame. You should have not gotten involved with her or should have told him at the initial stages itself, and proceeded only if he gave his OK. It is ot ethical to do what you did, now wear the mask of besharam and break up with her and also stay away from your friend for ever. Also, dont make any more friends as you dont deserve any.
    You never know what you can become ..

  10. #10
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    Default Affair with bestfriend's sister - Part 2

    hi everyone
    last week my bf posted a query here. i want to add some clarification to his query. as i have some more questions still.

    first of all:
    most of the replies (including moderator's) were quick to judge and incorrectly conclude that he does not want to marry me. nowhere he said that. ppl just misjudged, some of them didnt even gave any advice. few of you did understand, thanks.

    he said: "marriage is too far away" and "not sure if I want to marry his sister, havent made up my mind on that yet". i dont see anything where he said he "DOES NOT WANT TO" or "WILL NOT BE" marrying me, does he? all he said was he has not made up the mind yet because it is too far away. so i want to give my perspective. sorry it might be little long explanation so that ppl dont misjudge.

    there are some agreements and some conflicts between me and my bf.

    agreements:
    i am 20 and mybf, brother are 22-23ish. marriage for us is atleast 5-7 yrs away. we both have career plans, may also go abroad for sometime. so you never know what life has in store. in between there may also be a long distance phase. yes, we want to get married. but we want to to take our relationship as it goes. not that we are going to breakup. but saying that we will DEFINITELY get married after 7 years, and there is no other future for us would be immature as well. so thats the context of him saying "not sure, havent made up my mind on that yet". he is not keeping me in the dark as ppl are concluding it to be. sorry to disappoint those ppl. i think it maybe difficult for some ppl to understand and digest this. but thats the background.

    conflicts of opinion:
    although we are committed, we will take things as they come. we DEFINITELY dont want to announce to the world that we ARE getting married 7 yrs in future. again that does not mean we DONT want to get married. but just that i dont want to share this with my family. if my brother knows, then maybe he might want to share with my mom. he may or he may not. i dont know what he will think. so what i told my bf was we should tell him when we are closer to getting married. that was the context behind "only tell him when we are closer to getting married". it is more like when we are more certain. just in case if ever there was an unfortunate situation that our relationship does not go through the test of time. again, its not like we DONT WANT TO be together. we DEFINITELY WANT TO BE. but in case we are not, then my brother knowing is going to create awkward situation. also if my brother tells parents, what will my mother and father think about me? if my brother does not know, then atleast its only awkward b/w me and my bf which we can easily manage if we are not in contact.

    his thinking is completely opposite. he feels guilty of not sharing this with his best friend. they have shared many things for many years. i guess they dont have hidden from each other as far as i know.

    so situation is: we both understand the other person's perspective and reason. i think he can handle the situation by hiding. he thinks it wont be much of a problem by telling him but more of a problem if he finds out later. both are right in their own ways. so my bf (and i too) wanted to know ppl's opinion in this anonymous forum. what to do? but mainly how to do? so it is also my query, if we tell him, how should i handle that situation. if we dont tell, how should he handle the situation? if we dont tell, one thing is for sure that our relationship will have to take a step back as we will not be able to meet frequently, and will have to only super secretly meet. also there is fear of some common friend telling my brother. not that many ppl know, but still. so one of us has to sacrifice their opinion on whether to tell or not? who should that be - my or my bf?

    hope with the very clear context, ppl will give some mature advice.

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    Quote Originally Posted by rv102938 View Post
    i would have to say yes for the above question.

    as i see it you have 2 options where you may be able to keep you friendship going -
    - you keep your affair secret from the brother, breakup with her on good terms - brother never comes to know - you are good with him
    - you decide to marry her - tell brother - brother takes it in a good way - you are good with him

    in any other case, i dont see a way where you can keep the friendship, if he has any dignity. first thing, you need to be clear on what you need to do - marry or not marry. then talk to the sister. and all this you need to do now, as you dont seem to have much time.
    If i do the same thing with you sister that yaar trei bhen ke saath time pass karna hai shadi nahi karunga wht will u do?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Me and bestfriend have been friends for many years, even going to each other's homes. When he shifted to US 2 years back, I just happened to interact with his sister. Interation changed to friendship and frienship to romance. Nothing was planned, and before I could realize one thing to another. I even got physical with her. Many times, I thought of giving hints of our relationship to my friend but his sister kept saying no, as he will not like it, especially when he was not here. But now, he is about to come back in few months and I will have hard time keeping this a secret from him. We have always shared our crushes and sexual desires, fantasies, etc.

    Should I tell him now or wait for him to be back? His sister says that I should not tell him even after he is back. only tell him when we are closer to getting married. But my marriage is too far away and frankly, I am not sure if I want to marry his sister, havent made up my mind on that yet. I am totally confused as to what all information I should share? How to share it? Have I just lost my bestfriend because of my romance with this sister?


    You are messing up with not just 1 relationship but with 2 relationship , this is highly disgusting , what you did is really pathetic and highly disgusting ,assume if someone does this with you how would u feel , atleast one should think about relationship before doing this kind of mess , now if u want to do something right then plan for marriage with her .

  13. #13
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Child, perhaps your boyfriend did not word his query correctly- we're really not getting into the word-by-word legality of it, but you should read the query to see what it sounds like before saying that the forum people are " quick to judge and incorrectly conclude..."etc.
    Having said that, 7 years is a long time to wait and many things can change in that time, as you both understand. To tell, or to hide, therefore, is your call. Though it makes little sense not to tell since you are firm on being together long term and in that case there's no reason for him to feel betrayed.
    However, you know your brother best!



    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    hi everyone
    last week my bf posted a query here. i want to add some clarification to his query. as i have some more questions still.

    first of all:
    most of the replies (including moderator's) were quick to judge and incorrectly conclude that he does not want to marry me. nowhere he said that. ppl just misjudged, some of them didnt even gave any advice. few of you did understand, thanks.

    he said: "marriage is too far away" and "not sure if I want to marry his sister, havent made up my mind on that yet". i dont see anything where he said he "DOES NOT WANT TO" or "WILL NOT BE" marrying me, does he? all he said was he has not made up the mind yet because it is too far away. so i want to give my perspective. sorry it might be little long explanation so that ppl dont misjudge.

    there are some agreements and some conflicts between me and my bf.

    agreements:
    i am 20 and mybf, brother are 22-23ish. marriage for us is atleast 5-7 yrs away. we both have career plans, may also go abroad for sometime. so you never know what life has in store. in between there may also be a long distance phase. yes, we want to get married. but we want to to take our relationship as it goes. not that we are going to breakup. but saying that we will DEFINITELY get married after 7 years, and there is no other future for us would be immature as well. so thats the context of him saying "not sure, havent made up my mind on that yet". he is not keeping me in the dark as ppl are concluding it to be. sorry to disappoint those ppl. i think it maybe difficult for some ppl to understand and digest this. but thats the background.

    conflicts of opinion:
    although we are committed, we will take things as they come. we DEFINITELY dont want to announce to the world that we ARE getting married 7 yrs in future. again that does not mean we DONT want to get married. but just that i dont want to share this with my family. if my brother knows, then maybe he might want to share with my mom. he may or he may not. i dont know what he will think. so what i told my bf was we should tell him when we are closer to getting married. that was the context behind "only tell him when we are closer to getting married". it is more like when we are more certain. just in case if ever there was an unfortunate situation that our relationship does not go through the test of time. again, its not like we DONT WANT TO be together. we DEFINITELY WANT TO BE. but in case we are not, then my brother knowing is going to create awkward situation. also if my brother tells parents, what will my mother and father think about me? if my brother does not know, then atleast its only awkward b/w me and my bf which we can easily manage if we are not in contact.

    his thinking is completely opposite. he feels guilty of not sharing this with his best friend. they have shared many things for many years. i guess they dont have hidden from each other as far as i know.

    so situation is: we both understand the other person's perspective and reason. i think he can handle the situation by hiding. he thinks it wont be much of a problem by telling him but more of a problem if he finds out later. both are right in their own ways. so my bf (and i too) wanted to know ppl's opinion in this anonymous forum. what to do? but mainly how to do? so it is also my query, if we tell him, how should i handle that situation. if we dont tell, how should he handle the situation? if we dont tell, one thing is for sure that our relationship will have to take a step back as we will not be able to meet frequently, and will have to only super secretly meet. also there is fear of some common friend telling my brother. not that many ppl know, but still. so one of us has to sacrifice their opinion on whether to tell or not? who should that be - my or my bf?

    hope with the very clear context, ppl will give some mature advice.

  14. #14
    DESTINY STILL ARRIVES! Brigadier General adirocksit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    hi everyone
    last week my bf posted a query here. i want to add some clarification to his query. as i have some more questions still.

    first of all:
    most of the replies (including moderator's) were quick to judge and incorrectly conclude that he does not want to marry me. nowhere he said that. ppl just misjudged, some of them didnt even gave any advice. few of you did understand, thanks.

    he said: "marriage is too far away" and "not sure if I want to marry his sister, havent made up my mind on that yet". i dont see anything where he said he "DOES NOT WANT TO" or "WILL NOT BE" marrying me, does he? all he said was he has not made up the mind yet because it is too far away. so i want to give my perspective. sorry it might be little long explanation so that ppl dont misjudge.

    there are some agreements and some conflicts between me and my bf.

    agreements:
    i am 20 and mybf, brother are 22-23ish. marriage for us is atleast 5-7 yrs away. we both have career plans, may also go abroad for sometime. so you never know what life has in store. in between there may also be a long distance phase. yes, we want to get married. but we want to to take our relationship as it goes. not that we are going to breakup. but saying that we will DEFINITELY get married after 7 years, and there is no other future for us would be immature as well. so thats the context of him saying "not sure, havent made up my mind on that yet". he is not keeping me in the dark as ppl are concluding it to be. sorry to disappoint those ppl. i think it maybe difficult for some ppl to understand and digest this. but thats the background.

    conflicts of opinion:
    although we are committed, we will take things as they come. we DEFINITELY dont want to announce to the world that we ARE getting married 7 yrs in future. again that does not mean we DONT want to get married. but just that i dont want to share this with my family. if my brother knows, then maybe he might want to share with my mom. he may or he may not. i dont know what he will think. so what i told my bf was we should tell him when we are closer to getting married. that was the context behind "only tell him when we are closer to getting married". it is more like when we are more certain. just in case if ever there was an unfortunate situation that our relationship does not go through the test of time. again, its not like we DONT WANT TO be together. we DEFINITELY WANT TO BE. but in case we are not, then my brother knowing is going to create awkward situation. also if my brother tells parents, what will my mother and father think about me? if my brother does not know, then atleast its only awkward b/w me and my bf which we can easily manage if we are not in contact.

    his thinking is completely opposite. he feels guilty of not sharing this with his best friend. they have shared many things for many years. i guess they dont have hidden from each other as far as i know.

    so situation is: we both understand the other person's perspective and reason. i think he can handle the situation by hiding. he thinks it wont be much of a problem by telling him but more of a problem if he finds out later. both are right in their own ways. so my bf (and i too) wanted to know ppl's opinion in this anonymous forum. what to do? but mainly how to do? so it is also my query, if we tell him, how should i handle that situation. if we dont tell, how should he handle the situation? if we dont tell, one thing is for sure that our relationship will have to take a step back as we will not be able to meet frequently, and will have to only super secretly meet. also there is fear of some common friend telling my brother. not that many ppl know, but still. so one of us has to sacrifice their opinion on whether to tell or not? who should that be - my or my bf?

    hope with the very clear context, ppl will give some mature advice.

    Your bf did not mention the whole fact like you just did, so judgements and assumptions were inevitable. Now, coming to your problem, this is a very common problem all Indian girls have or create i.e. not sharing your relationships with your family. You dont know the future, you dont know whether you'll get married or not in 7 years....what if you dont get married? What If suddenly after 7 years, you dont want to marry him....then what about "It does not mean that we dont want to get married"? Wouldn't that be betrayal?

    You're a 20 year old. You're an adult. You can be in relationship with whoever you wanna be with. You dont have to announce it to the world, but definitely to the close ones. If not parents, then the brother. Instead of your bf, it should be yourself. There will be arguments, you have to get him convinced not your bf, because he is your brother first then your bf's bff.

    What will your parents think about you if your brother tells them? Thats not the question. What do you think about yourself? Do you think you're something wrong? If you feel guilty yourself, then whats the point. Love or relationship are not bad things that should be hidden, its not like you're planning to bomb some country. I see your clarifications, I see you're more descriptive and more mature than your bf....so cant you convince your folks and bf? You can tell total strangers your story but not your family? I dont get it.

    If you keep it a secret, it will always remain a secret and nothing will happen. I can guarantee you this.
    I Hope They Remember You...



  15. #15
    SB Champion Captain o00's Avatar
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    The replies were mature, your darling BF's question was immature. Let me quote- "But my marriage is too far away and frankly, I am not sure if I want to marry his sister, havent made up my mind on that yet." Bottomline- it is not ethical to keep your brother in dark, he should know about your relationship... if you guys want to continue or not.. doesnt matter. He should know what his sister is doing with his friend or what his friend is doing with his sister. If he (your BF) wasnt your brother's friend you could have kept him (your brother) in dark, it would have been fine. Same way, your BF could have kept him in dark if he wasnt dating his friend's (your brother) sister.
    You never know what you can become ..

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