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Thread: Getting threats from girlfriend's relatives

  1. #1
    confusedguy
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    Default Getting threats from girlfriend's relatives

    Hi, I've been in a relationship since an year now. I love her and she loves me too. But recently her family got to know about our relationship. Basically I am from a small town area here in West Bengal and she is from a town near Kolkata. Now our problem is her family is forcing her terribly to get married with someone of their choice by the end of this year. She is going through a lot of humiliation from her family and relatives. Although her family is pretty much modern and her mom, dad and elder sister is or should I say was pretty much frank with her. But in this condition they are not supporting me or her either. However she was in a relationship with someone else which was couple of years ago and at that time the guy ditched her for some reason. Then she tried to commit suicide and she was in a very critical condition back then. So I think maybe only for this reason her parents can't trust me on this. Now the situation is getting worse day by day. The pressure on her increasing day by day and sometimes she even feels that losing me is the best way for her. But I know she won't be happy without me , neither will I . Now she is just stuck at her home , parents are not letting her to attend dance classes , she can't even call me. This loneliness of mine is killing me too. But I understand her situation, so I also don't disturb by calling her repeatedly. When she can manage , she calls me and we can only talk for like 2 or 3 minutes. The fact is no one of her family or relatives are supporting her with me. I'm not a bad guy or not of that type of what we call as 420 and I have a small job too and I'm trying for a better one. But still they can't accept me which maybe just because We are in a relationship without their information. Moreover I've got random threats from her elder sister and from one of her cousin brothers about leaving her. I am pretty much confused now what to do and how to tackle this situation by our own. Please help me through this guys. I really love her and can't see her facing these situations and pressures alone, neither I want to lose her.
    Thank You

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Well, keeping your relationship a secret when her parents are forcing her to get married to someone else does not make too much sense. Don't you think that you should come out in the open about your relationship and then try and convince her parents about your worth and seriousness?
    Maybe you should take your parents into confidence now. Marriage is a serious matter and you have to have a plan in place about how you will support yourselves, where you will live etc. Only love won't do it, will it?

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    « rahmaniac » Lieutenant-Colonel ariesgirl's Avatar
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    1.Try involving your parents.
    2. Elope if you brave enough to do it.
    3. It will be tough, but it's better for you to part ways.. You can't live peacefully as long as there's strong opposition from her family. Plus, you are not well settled with a job. So things will be quite hard...
    Give people roses while they can still smell them. . .

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    Quote Originally Posted by confusedguy View Post
    Hi, I've been in a relationship since an year now. I love her and she loves me too. But recently her family got to know about our relationship. Basically I am from a small town area here in West Bengal and she is from a town near Kolkata. Now our problem is her family is forcing her terribly to get married with someone of their choice by the end of this year. She is going through a lot of humiliation from her family and relatives. Although her family is pretty much modern and her mom, dad and elder sister is or should I say was pretty much frank with her. But in this condition they are not supporting me or her either. However she was in a relationship with someone else which was couple of years ago and at that time the guy ditched her for some reason. Then she tried to commit suicide and she was in a very critical condition back then. So I think maybe only for this reason her parents can't trust me on this. Now the situation is getting worse day by day. The pressure on her increasing day by day and sometimes she even feels that losing me is the best way for her. But I know she won't be happy without me , neither will I . Now she is just stuck at her home , parents are not letting her to attend dance classes , she can't even call me. This loneliness of mine is killing me too. But I understand her situation, so I also don't disturb by calling her repeatedly. When she can manage , she calls me and we can only talk for like 2 or 3 minutes. The fact is no one of her family or relatives are supporting her with me. I'm not a bad guy or not of that type of what we call as 420 and I have a small job too and I'm trying for a better one. But still they can't accept me which maybe just because We are in a relationship without their information. Moreover I've got random threats from her elder sister and from one of her cousin brothers about leaving her. I am pretty much confused now what to do and how to tackle this situation by our own. Please help me through this guys. I really love her and can't see her facing these situations and pressures alone, neither I want to lose her.
    Thank You
    your girlfriend is the only hope you can have in this situation...
    if she sticks for you, then there is hope...else you will join the general bandwagon...
    involving your parents, if you can, will be the best approach

  5. #5
    SB Guru Major rv102938's Avatar
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    in you situation, i dont see there is much you can do. if you try to do something and the family complaints, then you can be in a soup. this is especially true if the girl does not support you (under family pressure or otherwise). so whenever you get a chance, just tell your gf that she has to choose between you and family and there is nothing you can do much. she has to be firm and convince her parents.

    meanwhile, if the family threatens you then be polite and tell them that you love each other and you will keep her happy. also focus on the fact that you are her choice, so its mutual love. all the best.
    Ek din sher banke jeene se behtar hai do din sher banke jiyo...

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    Dactar :) Lieutenant-Colonel Neha1's Avatar
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    There is nothing that u can do in this situation.. not every love story is srk-gauri love story.... once parents have made up their mind it's almost impossible to convince them.. It seems at the end your gf is also going to succumb to her parents pressure .. Sooner u realise this truth better it will be for u.
    Anything that costs you your peace is too expensive

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    SB Wizard Captain o00's Avatar
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    Elope with her.

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    SB Guru Major rv102938's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by o00 View Post
    Elope with her.
    thats exactly 15 characters, amazing....
    Ek din sher banke jeene se behtar hai do din sher banke jiyo...

  9. #9
    DESTINY STILL ARRIVES! Brigadier General adirocksit's Avatar
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    Is she an adult? Does she have a job? Can she survive on her own? If the answers of any of these questions is No, then you'll loose her....They're Indian Parents and Indian Parents have the power to make their children do whatever they want. You do 1 mistake in life, thats it and they're in control of your decisions. So unless she can be independent(and sane enough to not get suicid-y), she cannot be with you. Because even if somehow works out for both of you, your job scuks. And then if she doesn't have a job, you'll end up in worse condition than you're in now, after you get married.
    I Hope They Remember You...



  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by confusedguy View Post
    Hi, I've been in a relationship since an year now. I love her and she loves me too. But recently her family got to know about our relationship. Basically I am from a small town area here in West Bengal and she is from a town near Kolkata. Now our problem is her family is forcing her terribly to get married with someone of their choice by the end of this year. She is going through a lot of humiliation from her family and relatives. Although her family is pretty much modern and her mom, dad and elder sister is or should I say was pretty much frank with her. But in this condition they are not supporting me or her either. However she was in a relationship with someone else which was couple of years ago and at that time the guy ditched her for some reason. Then she tried to commit suicide and she was in a very critical condition back then. So I think maybe only for this reason her parents can't trust me on this. Now the situation is getting worse day by day. The pressure on her increasing day by day and sometimes she even feels that losing me is the best way for her. But I know she won't be happy without me , neither will I . Now she is just stuck at her home , parents are not letting her to attend dance classes , she can't even call me. This loneliness of mine is killing me too. But I understand her situation, so I also don't disturb by calling her repeatedly. When she can manage , she calls me and we can only talk for like 2 or 3 minutes. The fact is no one of her family or relatives are supporting her with me. I'm not a bad guy or not of that type of what we call as 420 and I have a small job too and I'm trying for a better one. But still they can't accept me which maybe just because We are in a relationship without their information. Moreover I've got random threats from her elder sister and from one of her cousin brothers about leaving her. I am pretty much confused now what to do and how to tackle this situation by our own. Please help me through this guys. I really love her and can't see her facing these situations and pressures alone, neither I want to lose her.
    Thank You
    I will start with ur user id confusedguy. u shudnt sound confused in matter serious as your. wht i can sense is her parents not ready to see their daughter's second break-up and subsequent depression and suicidal tendency. the best thing you can do is spill your beans before ur parent and ask them to contact gal's parent. show some sort of commitment before her parent. i think tht the thing tht they may be looking from u. i will suggest no for eloping coz families are torn with bad reputation. have confidence with u and meet them and assure them u will take good care of her and try to find a good job tht wud be impressive.

  11. #11
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    Let me share what I would have done in your situation...


    1. Analyzing my financial and other capabilities to support a family: There will be many costs associated with marriage and family. Am I financially and mentally prepared? I would have assessed it methodically and logically - without any emotions.


    2. If the answer to above is yes, I would have discussed with my parents in detail if they would support the marriage. There's no point in girl's family getting ready and then my family becoming a road-block.


    3. If they were supportive, I would have called her family directly - dad/mom/sister - and would ask for one meeting between me and them. Now, I am basing this on a) that they are modern and frank, b) my assessment of point 1 is valid, c) ultimately they have to marry off the girl to someone and I (you) are a decent enough chap and d) threats apart, I like her family - you see, ultimately this will be MY (yours) family if the marriage happens. I would ask them politely but assertively for one meeting, reasoning what and how bad could happen in one meeting and I don't want to be disturbance to the family. Done correctly, with assumptions correct, you will get the meeting - don't worry of the threats. You can try more than once also with different person - once with mom, then dad, then sister and so on. In the meeting, I would communicate logically that I am ready and I can support a family with her. My parents would be happy to have the girl in our family. And, that assure them that last time issue of a failed relationship causing terrible phase in their family life was a sad event and won't be repeated. I agree to points in MysticMantra's post above.


    4. If it goes even decent enough, I'd have arranged a meeting among parents at a public location like temple etc - NEVER would have fixed the location to be any one person's home etc.


    5. Then, pray that everything goes well...


    IF ANYTHING OF ABOVE GOES IN WRONG DIRECTION? I would have forgotten her and closed the chapter from my life. Why?
    1. Saying eloping is easy. The moment I would do so, the girl's family can file false cases against me and my family - I will eventually prove that I didn't commit any wrongs etc and it was on girl's will... But at what cost? At what levels of harassment? At what level of ignominy to my family? And for a girl who "sometimes feels that losing me is the best way for her"??
    2. Girl is, I am really sorry to put it in words, really sorry, but... Each of us here and each of my friends circle have one, two or multiple failed relations in our lives. No one attempted suicide. I may be wrong to comment this, but on whatever limited inputs you have provided, the girl is not very balanced emotionally. If for God's sake, she does it again, can't her family charge me with abetting and aiding to suicide? and forget the case etc, I will get free, with ample proofs. The point is, will I ever get over the loss of a life? And, again I am commenting on the basis of limited info, can I trust her with testing and hard times that will come in our life? In any couple's lifetime?
    3. About relationships, I have this much knowledge: the sadness and loneliness stays only till you have got the next "right" person - not just anyone, but yes, there are always persons who fill the void of the missing ones in our life. And I am saying in general... School friends are replaced by engineering friends, to be replaced with MBA ones, parents with our kids and, the beautiful thing is, life goes on...


    The above is what I would have done. Your choice is yours alone to make. Whatever you do, my best wishes are with you and the girl...


    Cheers!
    Last edited by anks_sb; 24-08-2016 at 08:48 PM.

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    ye pyar wagera kuch nahi hota mere dost..sab bakwas ki baat hai..ladki sath ho to duniya jeet sakte hai...she will do what her family tells....forget her..n move on..get a good job..work hard and then marry to good girl...zaruri nahi Jo dil me ho wo kismat me b ho...and brkup k samay ye sab drama chalta rehta h..same happened wid me ..but I'm very much happy now..

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    Did she not brake her parents trust by choosing the wrong guy earlier ? What makes you think she will be able to fight with her family for you ? You did not mention clearly why her family is against you. Is it the small job? Is it the small town ?

    Why do you think she wont be happy without you? There was someone else before you in her life... yet she fell in love with you... what makes you think she will not fell in love with her future husband?

    Still its now or never situation for you.. i think you should let her go... if you can not support family with your small job. Find a better job.. first deserve.. than desire.

  14. #14
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    be extra careful . . . . . . .

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