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Thread: Potential match after rejection

  1. #1
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    Default Potential match after rejection

    Hi,
    Sorry for long post.

    I am 26 female planning for arrange marriage. I had a potential match, but they kept us on hold for 3 weeks. Now the boy wants to pursue further talks and meet with me. I went ahead and agreed as the match looks good. Meeting is scheduled for next weekend.

    This match was suggested by one of our distant relatives who is acquaintance of boy side. Now this relatives son Prakash is little younger than me. He called me 2 days back and told me something. He said that he is telling me all this out of kindness so that I should make correct decision having full knowledge of what happened. He just happened to know as his father told his mother and he just happen to hear. He said that the boy side had first rejected this proposal and instead wanted to see if my younger sister is interested in a match.

    Something about my sister - My younger sister is 24 and she is doing her post-graduation. She also has a bf, my family does not know but she has shared with me. But that has nothing to do with this story. All our family, including my sister, was in the initial meeting with the boy family.

    To continue the story that Prakash told me, it seems that the relative had checked with my father about this. My father told them that he doesnt want to pursue match with sister. He may have said that maybe because she is studying or maybe because he wanted to get my marriage done first. We dont know as this was never discussed in the home. Thank God it was not discussed because that would create awkward situation. As per Prakash, this had happened around 2 weeks back.

    Now around 1 week back, we got call for meeting that I mentioned above. So looks like my father is fine about pursuing this relation where he knows I was rejected first. The match is not perfect, but I liked him till yesterday and was happy to pursue this. But now that Prakash has told me what happened behind the scenes, I am confused. Its not like my family is desperate for my marriage, we have only started looking recently. My family is very supportive of me. So if I say no, they will support. Was it correct for my father to hide this? Why he did this? I dont know how will I feel post-marriage knowing that my sister was his first choice? Sometimes I think I will be fine and should just meet him, other times I think I will not feel good in future so just reject him. Sometimes I think why did Prakash tell me this, as life was good in dark. But its not his fault also. All this constant thinking is giving me headache.

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    I Am not sure what your father did was right or wrong. Listen its your choice and your life. You have all the information and support. Why was your sis there first choice.. obviously she is young and more gorgeous than you. Now it just seems the question of self esteem how much do you have.
    On the second thought it was quite obvious from the guy's side to go for the younger girl first. May be its not even the guys fault as well. Because you two are puppets only in this whole game of arrange marriage played by the senior members of the two families.
    This parkash guy however had made you really uncomfortable here. It was irrational of him jumping into your or your families personal affair. whatever you do think wisely.

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    I Am not sure what your father did was right or wrong. Listen its your choice and your life. You have all the information and support. Why was your sis there first choice.. obviously she is young and more gorgeous than you. Now it just seems the question of self esteem how much do you have.
    On the second thought it was quite obvious from the guy's side to go for the younger girl first. May be its not even the guys fault as well. Because you two are puppets only in this whole game of arrange marriage played by the senior members of the two families.
    This parkash guy however had made you really uncomfortable here. It was irrational of him jumping into yours or your families personal affair. whatever you do think wisely.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Hi,
    Sorry for long post.

    I am 26 female planning for arrange marriage. I had a potential match, but they kept us on hold for 3 weeks. Now the boy wants to pursue further talks and meet with me. I went ahead and agreed as the match looks good. Meeting is scheduled for next weekend.

    This match was suggested by one of our distant relatives who is acquaintance of boy side. Now this relatives son Prakash is little younger than me. He called me 2 days back and told me something. He said that he is telling me all this out of kindness so that I should make correct decision having full knowledge of what happened. He just happened to know as his father told his mother and he just happen to hear. He said that the boy side had first rejected this proposal and instead wanted to see if my younger sister is interested in a match.

    Something about my sister - My younger sister is 24 and she is doing her post-graduation. She also has a bf, my family does not know but she has shared with me. But that has nothing to do with this story. All our family, including my sister, was in the initial meeting with the boy family.

    To continue the story that Prakash told me, it seems that the relative had checked with my father about this. My father told them that he doesnt want to pursue match with sister. He may have said that maybe because she is studying or maybe because he wanted to get my marriage done first. We dont know as this was never discussed in the home. Thank God it was not discussed because that would create awkward situation. As per Prakash, this had happened around 2 weeks back.

    Now around 1 week back, we got call for meeting that I mentioned above. So looks like my father is fine about pursuing this relation where he knows I was rejected first. The match is not perfect, but I liked him till yesterday and was happy to pursue this. But now that Prakash has told me what happened behind the scenes, I am confused. Its not like my family is desperate for my marriage, we have only started looking recently. My family is very supportive of me. So if I say no, they will support. Was it correct for my father to hide this? Why he did this? I dont know how will I feel post-marriage knowing that my sister was his first choice? Sometimes I think I will be fine and should just meet him, other times I think I will not feel good in future so just reject him. Sometimes I think why did Prakash tell me this, as life was good in dark. But its not his fault also. All this constant thinking is giving me headache.
    Dear,
    Hi.I hv one suspicion that why the boy Prakash is feeding something to u. look whatever may be the case did u get the hint from the bridegroom. else ask ur father properly abt the thing n citing prakash name. also u r thinking so much and sounding despo. he is the not the end of the world n just chill. meet the boy n talk with him n try to break the shackles and know him as a person. if he likes u than u can gently speak abt this in a gentle manner not sounding hassled tht will clear ur doubt. also in arrange marriage scenario this type of things happen and u shudnt take to ur heart and get disheartened. so dont trust rumors until u know the truth.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mysticmantra View Post
    meet the boy n talk with him n try to break the shackles and know him as a person. if he likes u than u can gently speak abt this in a gentle manner not sounding hassled tht will clear ur doubt. also in arrange marriage scenario this type of things happen and u shudnt take to ur heart and get disheartened. so dont trust rumors until u know the truth.
    This is true also, i second it
    So may it be

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    yes, difficult situation and lots of thoughts. first, just dont think about Prakash. whatever he told you is done and you know this now, you cannot un-know the knowledge.

    now back to whether you should pursue or reject. i think go ahead with the meeting, nothing to lose. i am sure you have some sort of pros and cons in your mind about this guy and other matches you are seeing. just add this whole thing about rejecting you and choosing your sis as a big red con for this guy. so what that means is - he has to have other things really really good in order for you to choose him. if you have certain doubts, then just pull the trigger and reject him. in short, dont make this point as a make or break thing, but just a potential break thing.
    Ek din sher banke jeene se behtar hai do din sher banke jiyo...

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    Quote Originally Posted by 9am View Post
    obviously she is young and more gorgeous than you.
    fair n lovely user,
    how is it obvious that younger sister is more gorgeous? they are only 2 years apart. there can be many other factors - one factor mentioned above is she may have better education, we dont know anything about that....
    Ek din sher banke jeene se behtar hai do din sher banke jiyo...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Hi,
    Sorry for long post.

    I am 26 female planning for arrange marriage. I had a potential match, but they kept us on hold for 3 weeks. Now the boy wants to pursue further talks and meet with me. I went ahead and agreed as the match looks good. Meeting is scheduled for next weekend.

    This match was suggested by one of our distant relatives who is acquaintance of boy side. Now this relatives son Prakash is little younger than me. He called me 2 days back and told me something. He said that he is telling me all this out of kindness so that I should make correct decision having full knowledge of what happened. He just happened to know as his father told his mother and he just happen to hear. He said that the boy side had first rejected this proposal and instead wanted to see if my younger sister is interested in a match.

    Something about my sister - My younger sister is 24 and she is doing her post-graduation. She also has a bf, my family does not know but she has shared with me. But that has nothing to do with this story. All our family, including my sister, was in the initial meeting with the boy family.

    To continue the story that Prakash told me, it seems that the relative had checked with my father about this. My father told them that he doesnt want to pursue match with sister. He may have said that maybe because she is studying or maybe because he wanted to get my marriage done first. We dont know as this was never discussed in the home. Thank God it was not discussed because that would create awkward situation. As per Prakash, this had happened around 2 weeks back.

    Now around 1 week back, we got call for meeting that I mentioned above. So looks like my father is fine about pursuing this relation where he knows I was rejected first. The match is not perfect, but I liked him till yesterday and was happy to pursue this. But now that Prakash has told me what happened behind the scenes, I am confused. Its not like my family is desperate for my marriage, we have only started looking recently. My family is very supportive of me. So if I say no, they will support. Was it correct for my father to hide this? Why he did this? I dont know how will I feel post-marriage knowing that my sister was his first choice? Sometimes I think I will be fine and should just meet him, other times I think I will not feel good in future so just reject him. Sometimes I think why did Prakash tell me this, as life was good in dark. But its not his fault also. All this constant thinking is giving me headache.
    this sounds like Roja, with the exception that the boy did not have any courage to pursue what he wanted..
    as per your query, this information will be with you throughout your life...
    since you are not in a hurry for marriage, i would suggest to drop this one...
    because to me it seems like, the boy is in hurry to get married...
    you should get other offers in future i am sure...
    in an ideal world this may not be the best match for you...

    one more suggestion...taking suggestion is fine, but take your own decision...
    last thing you would want is to blame someone else for your life..
    good luck

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    Quote Originally Posted by prabhendu View Post
    this information will be with you throughout your life...
    since you are not in a hurry for marriage, i would suggest to drop this one...
    because to me it seems like, the boy is in hurry to get married...
    stop being afraid of what could go wrong and think of what could go right. he is your potential match. You said so. You were happy with this match. Do not give up on your happiness so easily.

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    Thankyou for suggesting i am shallow. Its true that i like gorgeous girls more. Yes i am shallow. And this is the reason i thought they were more interested in younger one.

    well younger sis is pursuing education. Like they didn't educated the elder one !!! So you are suggesting elder one is dumb. It is also not provided in the query.

    younger sis had bf, i noted that. Where as, the elder one did not happen to mention any relationship ever. Not even a guy is mentioned who liked her and approached her. So it was obvious by the query.

  11. #11
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    Just say no to this guy. Looks like you are in IT field and you will get many better matches in future. Just start some drama and say you feel repelled from this guy. They all will agree(parents etc), as you sound to be from a literate family.
    You never know what you can become ..

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    Look girl you are not getting any younger sitting at home. You seem to be unemployed cause you are taking this case seriously even when you were a second choice from the boys side. Also independent girls like to mention in the query that they have job and are self dependent.

    " If " you didn't get job after two years of completing your masters... You can

    1. sit home all day. cook, clean help etc and waste time.
    2. Keep trying in the hope of getting job.
    3. Marry a guy who earns good enough and be a home maker for him.

    No matter, you chose getting job or getting married. The clock is ticking. You will find competition in both soon.

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    If you think its wrong to treat people like objects. This is how the real world is. This is what happens in arranged marriages. If you you want to go for love marriage looks and money will also matter there. This is how shallow the real world has become. If the guy is good enough. Consider him.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Hi,
    Sorry for long post.

    I am 26 female planning for arrange marriage. I had a potential match, but they kept us on hold for 3 weeks. Now the boy wants to pursue further talks and meet with me. I went ahead and agreed as the match looks good. Meeting is scheduled for next weekend.

    This match was suggested by one of our distant relatives who is acquaintance of boy side. Now this relatives son Prakash is little younger than me. He called me 2 days back and told me something. He said that he is telling me all this out of kindness so that I should make correct decision having full knowledge of what happened. He just happened to know as his father told his mother and he just happen to hear. He said that the boy side had first rejected this proposal and instead wanted to see if my younger sister is interested in a match.

    Something about my sister - My younger sister is 24 and she is doing her post-graduation. She also has a bf, my family does not know but she has shared with me. But that has nothing to do with this story. All our family, including my sister, was in the initial meeting with the boy family.

    To continue the story that Prakash told me, it seems that the relative had checked with my father about this. My father told them that he doesnt want to pursue match with sister. He may have said that maybe because she is studying or maybe because he wanted to get my marriage done first. We dont know as this was never discussed in the home. Thank God it was not discussed because that would create awkward situation. As per Prakash, this had happened around 2 weeks back.

    Now around 1 week back, we got call for meeting that I mentioned above. So looks like my father is fine about pursuing this relation where he knows I was rejected first. The match is not perfect, but I liked him till yesterday and was happy to pursue this. But now that Prakash has told me what happened behind the scenes, I am confused. Its not like my family is desperate for my marriage, we have only started looking recently. My family is very supportive of me. So if I say no, they will support. Was it correct for my father to hide this? Why he did this? I dont know how will I feel post-marriage knowing that my sister was his first choice? Sometimes I think I will be fine and should just meet him, other times I think I will not feel good in future so just reject him. Sometimes I think why did Prakash tell me this, as life was good in dark. But its not his fault also. All this constant thinking is giving me headache.
    =================================
    Now as the guy told you that his family's first choice was your younger sister (could be various reasons, looks/studies/height/weight/color etc) and waited for 2 weeks to check if your family is interested in marrying her first rather than you. So basically you are an option rather than choice. Their first choice was your younger sister (offcourse not her fault). Even if you get married to this guy, his family will still consider you as an option and will always treat you like it. They would never be able to do justice to you. As far as the guy is considered, he sounds to be a good guy who informed you beforehand. He could have hid this information from you if he wanted but he chose not to keep you in dark.

    Now marriage is a big decision and since its your marriage you are grown up to make decisions for yourself (if you are grown up to get married you can take decisions for yourself).

    How about you delay things for two weeks and tell the same to the guy that your family got another prospective profile and were waiting from them to hear? just a wild thought if you like it.......

    Stay healthy stay blessed girl...

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    Quote Originally Posted by oceanseleven80 View Post
    =================================

    Now marriage is a big decision and since its your marriage you are grown up to make decisions for yourself (if you are grown up to get married you can take decisions for yourself).



    Quote Originally Posted by oceanseleven80 View Post
    =================================
    How about you delay things for two weeks and tell the same to the guy that your family got another prospective profile and were waiting from them to hear?
    We cant say much here. You know your father better than us. also you no prakash better than us (we dont know both of them at all). We cant say by his action what he did was good/bad. May be didn't want to keep you in dark. Maybe he just wanted to complicate things up. But since you doubt him so we doubt him.

    Its not the parkash in question. Its the guy you are thinking to get marry with is in question. Meet hem. get to know him. Ask him, Why does he want to marry you now when 2 week ago he wanted something else.. Maybe he had some reasons. Don't be a judge sitting at home listening to debates. Meet him and judge him.

    Other thing that was suggested by oceanseleven80 will be like slapping on the face of them. and Ending everything. you can do that so. Just remember.

    Namak swadanusar... akkad aukatanusar. [also, you know yourself better than us]

    Also, it might be just the thing that parkash had wanted. May be you should just talk with the elders and tell them how you feel about all this and what do they suggest.. rather than taking any wild ACTION that you may or may not regret later.

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