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Thread: Fiance's best friend is supportive

  1. #1

    Default Fiance's best friend is supportive

    I've been with my fiancé for over ten years, we have a young child together, and for most of our relationship we got on great, we used to enjoy each others company and laugh joke and support each other. Then out of the blue shortly after we had our child, he changed and became very selfish, very secretive with his phone and began texting other women. Although he denied any wrong doing I explained it made me feel very uncomfortable, being a self conscious person all my life and carrying extra baby weight I felt awful about it. He suggested a break to which made me feel even worse, he said he felt our relationship had been on the rocks for years (I hadn't ever felt this way) I got very upset, and then he just acted like nothing had happened and still to this day it's as if he's forgotten everything he said to me. He still acts strange and is texting other women and is very flirtatious with other women we know mutually. On a slightly related note, we began to see more of his best friend, who over time I began to feel a connection with but often brushed it off as I thought I was feeling down about mine and my fiancés relationship being so rough, and he used to make me feel better about myself though im not sure he knew what had been said between myself and my fiancé he was just in the right place at the right time. As time goes on I get very mixed messages and I am beginning to feel quite strongly about him. He's so supportive and he seems to side with me more than my fiancé he's great with our child and is just one of the most decent people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting! Trouble is not only is he my fiancés best friend hes also married, I've never told anyone how I feel about him as I don't want to make it uncomfortable or awkward for anybody, especially my child. I don't know if he's just an escape from my relationship where I don't know where I stand with my fiancé or if my feelings are truly growing for him naturally. I've been told he likes me too by someone else and he often touches me when we are around (my arm and hands and stuff) there's a few cues to suggest theres something there but not enough to no for sure. I don't no what to do, I still love my fiancé, but for what he was not what he's become, he used to treat me as if I was the most amazing women he'd ever met and I felt the same about him too but now he behaves as if I'm just a peice of furniture! I've tried telling him about that (not his best friend) but he doesn't ever do anything about it. I have no where to go if we left each other, I don't know many people. I'm just torn on what to do

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Jun 2006
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    Hi! Well, firstly I can tell you what NOT to do and that is to be involved with your fiance's friend, no matter how decent and supportive he may be. You will complicate the situation for yourself very badly and get emotionally battered!
    You need to sort out stuff between yourself and your fiance to begin with- an affair with a married man is not going to help you in any way! Try and work things out between yourselves to begin with while at the same time, see how you are placed financially- what support you can get from him for the child and then take a decision.
    Once you work those urgent issues out, things will get a bit clearer.
    The married man must not be dallied with dear....its not worth it!

  3. #3
    SB Guru Major rv102938's Avatar
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    Apr 2014
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    someone ruined your life, so now you want to ruin someone's life? if not, then whats the point of thinking of an affair with a married man. or do you just want to sleep with him? well, at least we know that the married man wont be able to romance with you, at least not in the open. but he sure can screw you for sexual pleasure. is that what you are looking for? if not, then no point having any sort of match with the married man.

    as far as your bf is concerned, first of all why are you calling him 'fiance'? fiance is someone you are engaged to and ultimately get married. they way you described the relationship, does not look like he has any intentions to stay with you, let alone get married. so your bf does not love you, but that is a conscious choice you made. if you wanted him to commit to you, then you might as well have got married. that way, atleast legally it would make him difficult to separate from you. but as the situaion stands, there is not much you can do rather than reap the mistakes of your choices.

    Given the depressing situation you are in, I guess you will end up in the best friend's bed. but if I were to advice you, then you should really think of getting independent and trying to find peace within rather than outside for a while. Also, it would give you time to reflect on your mistakes and not to repeat them in the future.
    Ek din sher banke jeene se behtar hai do din sher banke jiyo...

  4. #4
    SB Wizard Captain o00's Avatar
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    Nov 2012
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    You need to end this relationship with your fiancee. Start afresh.
    You never know what you can become ..

  5. #5
    SB Legend Brigadier General
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    May 2007
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    very long story . . . . . . .

  6. #6
    New Born
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    Nov 2016
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    See how she handles alone ! Try to learn yourself

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