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Thread: Eloped with cousin but now separated by family

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    Default Eloped with cousin but now separated by family

    Hi, I'm 25 M. I started talking to my Cousin Sister 4-5 year back online daily. She's my massi's youngest daughter and 4.5 year elder to me. We find lots of things in each other relatable and admires each others strength and weaknesses. Slowly I started to have feeling for her but didn't recognize the love for some montha but as time went by I understood my love for her and decided to break it to her so that I'm not cheating myself or her by hiding these feelings. At first she gets shocked and distrusted me but after listening to my feelings and giving time understand my love she accepted my love. At that time we are thinking of our future just living in the present. Fast forward to future i. e. past 2 years we are in a relationship. We know our relation is taboo but still our love for each other kept us together. Our families started to have doubt about relation and think of it only sexual relation which is totally not the case. We tried to break the truth to them but they are not accepting the faint idea of this we get feared so we kept our mouth shut for about 1 year. We live in 2 different states and have met only for 3 to 4 times in person in past 5 years. Our relationship is what keeps me going in my life. Since our families not willing to understand us we decided to go for ourselfes and decided to elope. We crafted a plan in which during marriage of her elder brother we can met and she can give me all her neccesary belongings to me. And soon after the marriage we can go separately and met in way so no one can doubt us running away together.
    So the after we ran away me get married and accuired certificates. After which we break in the news that we are together and wants to marry each other (we hide our marriage to reduce the shock to our families).
    But to our worst fears they reacted badly to the news. After that they started to locate us so we started running away from place to place for ten days after which my family decided to listen me up with promise of no harm her.
    Soon we went back and told that we got married. But little did I know they are planing to seprate us by the most powerful weapon on earth "Emotions". We tried our level best to express ourself and at the end they even understood a little. But, as they honestly wants to accept us but due to social and relative pressure as if they got to know all this they sure will dumped us from every thing at every level of society.
    And soon or later it will affact my younger sisters marriage.
    My father simple put this, "people will say they destroyed the brother sister relationship".
    But, we hardly meet each other 10 times in our life time. The cousin relationship is of name only. this 10 days we lived like a married couple and every where we go me receive compliments. We are so happy and positive about our selfes.

    but our dream shatters as my family give us 2 options. ether to with each other but leave family or to be with family and leave each other.
    Her mother is behaving crazy and hospitalized 3 times in these 10 days.
    so here i have 2 options
    1. to be happy with her and make life of our families hell
    2. to make our families happy and leave each other

    i went for 2nd option as it became too emotionally hard for me to be happy after making cry my family and almost killing her mother.

    Now it's 6 days since we are separated, and I can not express how low I'm feeling missing her and feeling guilty to let her go.

    I just want to know have I done the right thing or not?
    Last edited by Preeto Maam; 12-01-2017 at 10:58 AM.

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Hello! Well, you know, sometimes there is no 'right' thing in the choices that life offers us. We just have to play with the cards that are dealt to us and hope that we played it right.
    Its a sad situation that you were forced to make the hard choice, but I believe the choice was between making someone or the other unhappy either way, so don't be too hard on yourself about this.

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    Dactar :) Lieutenant-Colonel Neha1's Avatar
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    You have married your sister! Great!
    I think your family should disown both of you. Really I can't suggest what is the right thing to do here. Staying with your sister as husband wife!! or staying with your parents.. hmm but you have to see the future of your wife too. Would some guy accept her in case you leave her as you know bad news spread faster than good one. How will some guy accept a girl who was previously married to her brother.. Think wisely(not much expected from you) before making a final decision.
    Anything that costs you your peace is too expensive

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    Quote Originally Posted by Neha1 View Post
    You have married your sister! Great!
    I think your family should disown both of you. Really I can't suggest what is the right thing to do here. Staying with your sister as husband wife!! or staying with your parents.. hmm but you have to see the future of your wife too. Would some guy accept her in case you leave her as you know bad news spread faster than good one. How will some guy accept a girl who was previously married to her brother.. Think wisely(not much expected from you) before making a final decision.
    तु उस्को सल्लाह देने कि बजाह और उल्झन मे डाल रहि है ।। वैसे हि बिचरा इमोसनल्ली परेशान है ।।
    Just You ... Only You

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    Dactar :) Lieutenant-Colonel Neha1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LuVon View Post
    तु उस्को सल्लाह देने कि बजाह और उल्झन मे डाल रहि है ।। वैसे हि बिचरा इमोसनल्ली परेशान है ।।
    Mera to khud dimag ka dahi ho gya iss query ka answer sochte sochte .... bhai bhen bhaag gye ab kya suggestion dein hum log Kisi aur item k sath bhaga hota to hum kuch bolte bhi..
    Anything that costs you your peace is too expensive

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    you have a great bedtime story to tell your children and grand children....

    you shouldn't have come back that was your mistake ...soon those 6 days will turn into 6 months then 6 years and so on time will help you the only medicine to this illness.......nothing else can be done.....good luck in finding another partner.....

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    SB Guru Major rv102938's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neha1 View Post
    Mera to khud dimag ka dahi ho gya iss query ka answer sochte sochte .... bhai bhen bhaag gye ab kya suggestion dein hum log Kisi aur item k sath bhaga hota to hum kuch bolte bhi..
    agar dimag ka dahi hua hai to kyu salah dena, chup bhi reh sakte ho...jaroori nahi ki har baat me salah di hi jaaye...especially true if you have not understood the crisis
    Ek din sher banke jeene se behtar hai do din sher banke jiyo...

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    SB Guru Major rv102938's Avatar
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    i think you have analyzed your own situation very well. if you had not done what you done, i would have advocated you not to carry on with this affair. especially because you said that you do not have much physical interaction together. but now whats done is done and you cannot bring back time.

    like you rightly said, there are two mutually exclusive options and there is no way to have a sweet spot and satisfy everyone. i will take from your query that you have not had any chance to talk to the said girl since separation. did you choose the 2nd option after talking to her or by yourself? if by yourself, then how do you justify your promises made to her? even if you took the decision together, then what was the point of getting married or eloping for that matter?

    I know both cases - of people who have run away in very dire circumstances. i know one case where the mother of the girl committed suicide. girl's father eventually married her to the guy. now couple is happy ofcourse girl lost her mother. and i also know few cases where the affair was broken by family's intervention and the lovers are successfully married to others. atleast its true with the girl as she is good friend of mine. point being - its not like one option is right and other option will push you in hell. i guess you can say i have very good knowledge and experience on people running away. not that its something to be proud of, but its just the case living in a Mumbai chawl.

    you are just 25, and whole life is in front of you. you may say that she is your life, but trust me there are other things as well.

    ok, now lets talk about your choice. without knowing your situation and what all has happened, its difficult for me to advice you. my emphasis here is whether your choice is only yours and was the decision to split made mutually. if made mutually, then i would well ok as long as you both made a mistake and realized it. but if you were the one who decided this, then i would say its unfair on the girl. she might be expecting that you would put up a fight and you may have given up. if i have to make a choice in your situation, now that you have gone so far, i would not turn back.

    pm me if you want to discuss further.
    Last edited by rv102938; 13-01-2017 at 02:43 AM.
    Ek din sher banke jeene se behtar hai do din sher banke jiyo...

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    You knew the stakes from the very beginning, now dont let it go, find a mauka and elope again and this time dont get caught. Everything is fair in love and war, glad that she is not your real sister. Prepare to see the worse circumstances and you guys might split with mutual consent 2-3 years in marriage but right now, elope again, get the maximum of the kick you get out of it. Saccha pyar and all that bull shyt.
    You never know what you can become ..

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    Kya zamaana agaya hai! Bhai behen ko lekar bhaag raha hai. Best suggestion hai-- ja kar rakhi bandhwa lo and kasam khalo aj k baad kisi behen ko aankh utha k nhi dekhoge.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Hi, I'm 25 M. I started talking to my Cousin Sister 4-5 year back online daily. She's my massi's youngest daughter and 4.5 year elder to me. We find lots of things in each other relatable and admires each others strength and weaknesses. Slowly I started to have feeling for her but didn't recognize the love for some montha but as time went by I understood my love for her and decided to break it to her so that I'm not cheating myself or her by hiding these feelings. At first she gets shocked and distrusted me but after listening to my feelings and giving time understand my love she accepted my love. At that time we are thinking of our future just living in the present. Fast forward to future i. e. past 2 years we are in a relationship. We know our relation is taboo but still our love for each other kept us together. Our families started to have doubt about relation and think of it only sexual relation which is totally not the case. We tried to break the truth to them but they are not accepting the faint idea of this we get feared so we kept our mouth shut for about 1 year. We live in 2 different states and have met only for 3 to 4 times in person in past 5 years. Our relationship is what keeps me going in my life. Since our families not willing to understand us we decided to go for ourselfes and decided to elope. We crafted a plan in which during marriage of her elder brother we can met and she can give me all her neccesary belongings to me. And soon after the marriage we can go separately and met in way so no one can doubt us running away together.
    So the after we ran away me get married and accuired certificates. After which we break in the news that we are together and wants to marry each other (we hide our marriage to reduce the shock to our families).
    But to our worst fears they reacted badly to the news. After that they started to locate us so we started running away from place to place for ten days after which my family decided to listen me up with promise of no harm her.
    Soon we went back and told that we got married. But little did I know they are planing to seprate us by the most powerful weapon on earth "Emotions". We tried our level best to express ourself and at the end they even understood a little. But, as they honestly wants to accept us but due to social and relative pressure as if they got to know all this they sure will dumped us from every thing at every level of society.
    And soon or later it will affact my younger sisters marriage.
    My father simple put this, "people will say they destroyed the brother sister relationship".
    But, we hardly meet each other 10 times in our life time. The cousin relationship is of name only. this 10 days we lived like a married couple and every where we go me receive compliments. We are so happy and positive about our selfes.

    but our dream shatters as my family give us 2 options. ether to with each other but leave family or to be with family and leave each other.
    Her mother is behaving crazy and hospitalized 3 times in these 10 days.
    so here i have 2 options
    1. to be happy with her and make life of our families hell
    2. to make our families happy and leave each other

    i went for 2nd option as it became too emotionally hard for me to be happy after making cry my family and almost killing her mother.

    Now it's 6 days since we are separated, and I can not express how low I'm feeling missing her and feeling guilty to let her go.

    I just want to know have I done the right thing or not?
    ==============================
    Dear Friend,


    First you married your cousin and now decided to disown her or in other words break the marriage, then why the hell in the first place did you do so. Either you were sexually attracted to her and now since you have met your goal, you are taking your family's excuse to walk away or you didn't know what were you doing. You shouldn't call yourself an adult.


    Boy your life won't be normal in your family even if you break this marriage. All your relatives will be skeptical to call you at any of the family functions (what if you start hitting on their daughters), your own parents won't treat you good. You should have thought of this emotional drama before you took this step. Truly speaking, no one is bothered about anyone in this Indian society. We are the biggest hypocrites. This drama will run for few months or an year and then everyone will forget everything. This Indian society doesn't let those people live who don't think out of the box, you are one of the unusual case here.

    I would suggest you be with your wife now and start a new life in a new city.

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    Do you think your wife's life would be anymore simple anymore. Her family and relatives will just kill her by taunting her. Where is your affection n love for her now. You planned to elope so that you can dump her later and make her life hell.

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    Dactar :) Lieutenant-Colonel Neha1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by oceanseleven80 View Post
    Do you think your wife's life would be anymore simple anymore. Her family and relatives will just kill her by taunting her. Where is your affection n love for her now. You planned to elope so that you can dump her later and make her life hell.
    I completely agree and second this opinion ....
    Anything that costs you your peace is too expensive

  14. #14
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    Dear dear dear, life always throws a comlicated situation than you can ever expect. So you should have to think about it before you have acted. But now what is done is done, you or your family can not reverse it now.

    So as you have acted on it, then you must remain stick with it. And my dear, everything has a price tag, and your relationship has a seperation of family tag now. And in my view you have to accept this price in any situation now.

    You were talking about "emotions" but now only one "emotion" matters to you, i.e. the love you both felt for each other.

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    well there is nothing wrong to marry your cousin our religious doesnt stop us from that, thats how we made this culture and system that one cannot marry his or her cousins Albert Einstein and Charles Darwin married their first cousins, there is nothing wrong, we see the things how people would show us but to go in so deep i think there is nothing wrong to marry your cousin...... but before making this choice u suppose to think about the girl and her life whats her life now ?

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