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Thread: No communication with hubby to be

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    Default No communication with hubby to be

    Hi Preeto mam,

    I am 27 yr old female getting married soon. It is an arranged marriage. I met the guy only once and the next time I will see him on the day of my marriage. our marriage date was fixed 2 months back but this guy doesnt talk to me properly. He didnt make me feel comfortable yet with him. Now my biggest concern is how do I stop him from making any advances after our marriage. I want to take some time to understand him and let him understand me. I dont want to rush things. My marriage is happening against my wishes but atleast post marriage I dont want things to happen against my wishes. How do I stop him forcing on me? Im scared to communicate this information to him. Lot of things running in my mind and I lost my sleep for the past 2 months.

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Well, my dear, if he is not communicating with you, maybe you should stop feeling scared and try and start talking to him and get to know him a little before your marriage. You have the chance now- two months- so do get over your nervousness and try and get to know him. It could be that he is equally shy- maybe he' s not a talkative sort...but you won't know until you open the doors on communication, will you?

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    SB Champion Captain o00's Avatar
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    Well you can't do anything but run away. If you dont wanna do that, then wait till after the marriage and you will only know then. Good or bad.. maybe he us really good and understanding or maybe opposite of that. Stakes are always high for both sides. Same applies to the guy too. Good luck. You cant do much, what cant be cured must be endured.

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    SB Guru Major rv102938's Avatar
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    You will have to communicate that with him as soon as you get a chance. Men and women look at sex very differently and can have different expectations. Especially if they have not been in a relationship before, there can be lot of misconceptions about sex, especially on how the other person looks at sex. Men, especially will be desperate for first time sex, so you have to do this through words and tell him that you want to be comfortable before taking the deep dive (pun intended). If you just wait for him to realize through hints, that is not going to happen, because his mind will be pre-occupied and he may not see your hints.
    Ek din sher banke jeene se behtar hai do din sher banke jiyo...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Hi Preeto mam,

    I am 27 yr old female getting married soon. It is an arranged marriage. I met the guy only once and the next time I will see him on the day of my marriage. our marriage date was fixed 2 months back but this guy doesnt talk to me properly. He didnt make me feel comfortable yet with him. Now my biggest concern is how do I stop him from making any advances after our marriage. I want to take some time to understand him and let him understand me. I dont want to rush things. My marriage is happening against my wishes but atleast post marriage I dont want things to happen against my wishes. How do I stop him forcing on me? Im scared to communicate this information to him. Lot of things running in my mind and I lost my sleep for the past 2 months.
    speak with him.....that's your only option

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    DIVIDED WE FALL !! Brigadier General adirocksit's Avatar
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    Why do you assume he's gonna force you to sex? Maybe nothing will happen. Also, since you're letting your parents do something against your wish, chances are you're gonna have to continue do things "forcefully" even after marriage. You want to take things under control? Be smart and use your smartphone. Thats why smartphones and chat apps like Whatssap were invented. They were invented because people cannot talk in person, so they can chat through their phones, no eye contact. So take control, demand to talk with him through at least Whatssap, get comfortable.

    If you don't demand, you will always surrender.
    I'm in love with your body
    I'm in love with the Shape of You



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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Hi Preeto mam,

    I am 27 yr old female getting married soon. It is an arranged marriage. I met the guy only once and the next time I will see him on the day of my marriage. our marriage date was fixed 2 months back but this guy doesnt talk to me properly. He didnt make me feel comfortable yet with him. Now my biggest concern is how do I stop him from making any advances after our marriage. I want to take some time to understand him and let him understand me. I dont want to rush things. My marriage is happening against my wishes but atleast post marriage I dont want things to happen against my wishes. How do I stop him forcing on me? Im scared to communicate this information to him. Lot of things running in my mind and I lost my sleep for the past 2 months.
    I dont understand u want to talk to him and then make move. so why u went for arranged marriage. the guy seems reserved category tht doesnt mean he is bad. u want to know him but he might be feeling shy. there are too much ifs n buts here. so chill. if u r not confident cancel the marriage n find a boy who talks to u.

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    Maybe, he's in the same situation as yours - being forced to get married. Talk to him. I wonder why do people accept to get married against their wish. People do a lot of research before buying a TV. However, they don't even wish to spend a few days before deciding to get married.

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    dont worry
    i met mi wife after merrage
    now 12 year of happy life

  10. #10
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    It is normal in subcontinental context... many guys even those who had girl friends decide not to talk before marriage. There are two main reasons which they give ... One that they may end up fighting and ruining all what is won by their parents (girls also have this point of view). Families also discourage them for the same reason. Secondly some decide not to talk because they want to enjoy their unmarried life without tension of being committed and all the luggage which comes with it. They say "pori zindagi osi se baat krni ha".
    Having explained the reasons ... I think communication is very important in arranged settings because it is the only way to create comfortable situation. I would suggest you to play tactfully rather than foolishly and change the situation to your good rather than to your bad. As a man I can tell you boys discuss these situations of "sex denial" on marriage night very often and most often as there are no feelings or emotions involved at that time ... they decide to do it by hook or crook but there are many who even don't touch after months. Even if he forces himself or completely restraints himself the result is same.... Tension and unsatisfied marriage (you can find many posts with such situations here) for both parties as there will be societal pressure which would get into your bed room.
    My suggestion
    Give him a straight forward message through your parents and siblings that you want to talk by hook or crook... Most probably he would talk.... explain to him that talking is important for you even if it is not important for him... (btw it was not important for my wife but important for me so it is different for different people)
    if he does not agree to talk... give a message that you want to talk to him once... in that one talk tell him that how important it is for you to talk and know him and how will it help in future... ask about his fears why he don't want to talk.... convince him ( do homework with your reasons)... Don't challenge him about sex... don't talk about sex....
    Even you people start talking... don't tell him you didn't want to marry him and you were forced... try to get inside him... it is very easy for girls ....
    YOU MAY LIKE HIM
    Avoid difficult topics... and topics for which he has strong conflicting point of views at first....
    analyse him.... if you still feel that he is not your type and you are still being forced....
    tell your parents with reason and logic why you don't want this marriage....
    If they still force you... you can hope to change him with your love tactfully... love can do wonders... women had done wonders with brutal and killer men along the course of history.... read about Cleopatra
    but believe me HATE will ruin your life....

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