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Thread: Was I cheated by him?

  1. #1
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    Default Was I cheated by him?

    Hello Maam,

    I am a 28 years old south indian girl recently moved to bangalore for work. I am well educated and earning well. I am from a well off family too. Ours is a liberal family. My parents are looking for a suitable match and I have my profile created on matrimony sites.

    I am given the liberty to chose any guy from my community. Hence, me and my parents both check my matrimony profile. Sometimes me and sometimes my parents speak to guys who send interests to me (Both our numbers are there on the site). I liked a guy on matrimony site and sent him interest. He accepted and he gave his father's number. Even my father had checked his profile and as i liked the guy, he tried to contact his parents but his parents din't respond to my father's calls. The guy pinged me as i insisted that we should speak before taking it to parents and we spoke for couple of days, we were friends on FB as well. After few days he said we are very different that he is an introvert and I am an extrovert and it won't work out and he doesn't want to take this forward. I said ok and it all stopped there.

    After few months, We reconnected again through FB and we started chatting on whatsapp. We were chatting day n night for more than 2 months about everything under the sun. He used to call me too. We became very close, We discussed about what i like in him, what he likes in me to how he wants to live after marriage and how i have planned my future, till kids. We even went on a date for almost whole day. After the date he became more close and said the guy who marries me will be very lucky.

    As he is an introvert he had told me that he would never propose the girl and she will understand if he likes her. I thought these are all hints he is throwing at me to say he likes me. So, I decided to propose him and told him I have started liking him and I believe he likes me too. He said no. He said, he was talking to you as a friend. As you know we are different, I am an introvert and you are an extrovert it won't workout between us is what he told again. I was torn apart.

    I really don't understand what he was trying to do with me. He easily told he was speaking to me as a friend. But, I don't understand which friend is interested to know how many kids I want after marriage, After how many years of marriage I want kids, Whether i like him with beard or without, How I look at home ( 1 day he asked me to send my pic as I am. He wanted to see How i look at home), My future plans, Whether I like to work after marriage or not etc. Just hours before me proposing him, He had told me I am a very flexible girl and any guy would be lucky to marry me.

    After he said No, I told I will sort out my feelings and said these are the hints you threw at me. He said he was just being friendly and conversations just moved. It's been 15 days since i proposed him, Both of us have not pinged each other. We used to chat day and night and I miss him a lot.

    I donno how me being extrovert and him being introvert matters so much when we were that close and understood each other well. What was he trying to do with me? What should I do? Should I wait? Move on? How to move on? I am not able to see other guys. I really liked him. But, I don't wanna go back to him losing my self respect. Also, I don't wanna hang on to him. Please help

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Hi! Well, what he did was not really nice. You are right that a person does not ask such personal questions and get so close to only a 'friend'. he's given you misleading signals and now decided to slime out without committing to you.
    Yes, you should move on. hanging on to hope is not really going to help you. the first thing to do is to RESIST the urge to call him or message him. After a while (and I don't know how long it will take), you will be able to get him out of your mind.
    In the meanwhile try and go out with other friends and keep yourself busy and entertained. Remember, none of this is your fault.

  3. #3
    SB Champion Captain o00's Avatar
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    He was just trying to see if you can get into a one night stand or a no strings attached relationship. He had no plans for a long term relationship or a marriage. You should forget and block him and start afresh on that whatever website and this time dont talk to any guy with your parents not knowing about it. This is too much for you to handle and understand, so dont take chances and be careful. Good luck.

  4. #4
    SB Guru Major rv102938's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    I donno how me being extrovert and him being introvert matters so much when we were that close and understood each other well.
    It doesnt matter, he is using that as an excuse to reject you. Dont say you two understood each other well. Only he understood you, you never understood him. If you had, you wouldnt have had a heartbreak.

    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    What was he trying to do with me?
    He was just playing with you for timepass, or he was just trying to re-check you and decided not to go ahead with the alliance. In any case, it doesnt matter.

    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    What should I do?
    Move on.

    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Should I wait?
    No.

    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Move on?
    Yes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    How to move on?
    Its difficult and it will take time, but you have to figure that out.

    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    I am not able to see other guys. I really liked him.
    Yes, but you dont get all the things you like. You will have to deal with this fact.

    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    But, I don't wanna go back to him losing my self respect.
    You will lose your self-respect if you do that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Also, I don't wanna hang on to him. Please help
    You wont be able to even if you want to as he is not interested in you.
    Ek din sher banke jeene se behtar hai do din sher banke jiyo...

  5. #5
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    To be fair to both, and from a neutral viewpoint, calling him a cheater would be a bit cruel and far-fetched. The feeling that you have been let down can be biased by the fact that he turned down your proposal. It may take some time to get over this feeling, but the only way to move on is to start meeting others.

    On a more liberal note, I think it is important to discuss these issues before marriage and it does take courage to explicitly ask these questions rather than deal with ambiguities and differences in perception after one is married. One should actually ask these questions. I would go on to expand the "interrogation" to include health, religious beliefs and level of devotion, family ties, support to family after marriage, kids - when and how many, habits, romantic inclinations, career aspirations, migration and relocation, financial planning and commitments, risk thresholds, upbringing and incidents that have had an influence, expectations from partner and anything else that may remotely be relevant to you. In an arranged marriage, it is very important to identify the proclivities of your partner. I will refrain from determining sexual compatibility, which is a topic of an individual's morality, but I would not hesitate to explore this if it exists on a reciprocal wish list. And trust me, a lot of women have been thinking "Long and Hard" after discovering the man's "shortcomings"

    Please start meeting other prospects, even if you admit to have developed a weakness for this introvert. In the end, it is wrong to force him to marry you. Logical Guru is looking for suitable women as well, but you are a bit too young for me. Keep the fire burning and lit...
    Last edited by Logical_Guru; 28-01-2017 at 05:07 PM.

  6. #6
    SB Addict mysticmantra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Hello Maam,

    I am a 28 years old south indian girl recently moved to bangalore for work. I am well educated and earning well. I am from a well off family too. Ours is a liberal family. My parents are looking for a suitable match and I have my profile created on matrimony sites.

    I am given the liberty to chose any guy from my community. Hence, me and my parents both check my matrimony profile. Sometimes me and sometimes my parents speak to guys who send interests to me (Both our numbers are there on the site). I liked a guy on matrimony site and sent him interest. He accepted and he gave his father's number. Even my father had checked his profile and as i liked the guy, he tried to contact his parents but his parents din't respond to my father's calls. The guy pinged me as i insisted that we should speak before taking it to parents and we spoke for couple of days, we were friends on FB as well. After few days he said we are very different that he is an introvert and I am an extrovert and it won't work out and he doesn't want to take this forward. I said ok and it all stopped there.

    After few months, We reconnected again through FB and we started chatting on whatsapp. We were chatting day n night for more than 2 months about everything under the sun. He used to call me too. We became very close, We discussed about what i like in him, what he likes in me to how he wants to live after marriage and how i have planned my future, till kids. We even went on a date for almost whole day. After the date he became more close and said the guy who marries me will be very lucky.

    As he is an introvert he had told me that he would never propose the girl and she will understand if he likes her. I thought these are all hints he is throwing at me to say he likes me. So, I decided to propose him and told him I have started liking him and I believe he likes me too. He said no. He said, he was talking to you as a friend. As you know we are different, I am an introvert and you are an extrovert it won't workout between us is what he told again. I was torn apart.

    I really don't understand what he was trying to do with me. He easily told he was speaking to me as a friend. But, I don't understand which friend is interested to know how many kids I want after marriage, After how many years of marriage I want kids, Whether i like him with beard or without, How I look at home ( 1 day he asked me to send my pic as I am. He wanted to see How i look at home), My future plans, Whether I like to work after marriage or not etc. Just hours before me proposing him, He had told me I am a very flexible girl and any guy would be lucky to marry me.

    After he said No, I told I will sort out my feelings and said these are the hints you threw at me. He said he was just being friendly and conversations just moved. It's been 15 days since i proposed him, Both of us have not pinged each other. We used to chat day and night and I miss him a lot.

    I donno how me being extrovert and him being introvert matters so much when we were that close and understood each other well. What was he trying to do with me? What should I do? Should I wait? Move on? How to move on? I am not able to see other guys. I really liked him. But, I don't wanna go back to him losing my self respect. Also, I don't wanna hang on to him. Please help
    to be very frank, the guy is doing timepass n u r his prime victim. just cut away else it will pain ur harder.

  7. #7
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    hummmm..............................

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    at this moment maybe u should cut off,, just considering him as usual friend. No need to wait, its better short pain than long pain.

  9. #9
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    at this moment maybe u should cut off,, just considering him as usual friend. No need to wait, its better short pain than long pain.

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