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Thread: Advice needed on how to handle a broken proposal

  1. #1

    Post Advice needed on how to handle a broken proposal

    I am a 30 year old guy. 5 months back, I had met a girl in one of the online dating websites. Luckily, it turned out that we had a few common friends and we immediately hit off. Both of us were looking for a long term commitment, leading to marriage. She was working abroad and she was OK to move to India. Slowly she started taking this conversation from app to whatsapp chats to calls to video calls to meeting in person. We finally met after 2 months. After our meeting, she went back and shared about to me her parents and siblings. She had asked for my horoscope etc and her parents also liked me and horoscope match was also there

    A month after we met, I told her that I am OK to take to the next step in terms of marriage and so on. I had explained her during this conversation very honestly on how did I arrive at my decision, what were my misconceptions initially about her, how did I clear them by rationally thinking through and finally what made it click for me. She was very excited and told me she needed some time to think and need to spend a lot of time & space to speak freely with each other to finally make up her mind

    Post this, since I knew it is a long distance relationship, I started making extra efforts in terms of going out of the way in terms of accomodating and making time so that we could talk. There were times when she could not be available all the time but I made it a point never to point that out and kept accomodating. Still, we did spend a good amount of time every week over video calls, talking to each other. We also started getting more intimate and closer to each other, without being sexual in our chats and conversations and we started behaving like properly loved up people. A couple of times, she used to tell me I am stuck in her mind and keep sometimes apologizing that in case if she had hurt me unwittingly asking for forgiveness, which was a little bit confusing to me

    She has some issues regarding timeline of the wedding which I wanted to happen faster. I had told her we shall discuss this in person when we meet in person. Since both our passports were stuck due to various reasons, we could not plan the third meeting quickly. I wanted the meeting to happen in India as it would be easier for us to meet our parents in case needed.We were trying to work out the dates for the meeting. She had certain dreams and aspirations and things she wanted to do which I had always assured to support her. All in all, almost no friction between us and things were heading along nicely

    All of a sudden for about one and half days, she went into silent mode and then next day morning she messages me saying things won't work out between us as our priorities, timelines, very small things which matter to her we are different and ends it there. It was a rude shock to me. I tried calling her, messaging her etc. without abusing her.She stopped picking my calls without blocking me. Her best friend of 16 years who is also my friend's wife to whom she had relayed everything about us also had no clue this was coming. On that day itself, I stopped messaging or reaching out to her. To convey my emotional state, I called up this best friend and told her that whatever happened is fine and asked her to communicate to her that i understood that she needs time and space. Please take the time and in case needed she can reach out to me at any point of time. My friend's wife was sharing to me that she was also shocked at her change of mind as she had always told her that we were heading for marriage. She also hinted that my girl felt i was too strong and would not allow her to thrive freely and started feeling suffocated in the relationship and asked me to be mindful whenever she comes back and told me she is saying she needs more time to make up her mind. Her final words were she will definitely come back and reach out to you

    It has been 3 weeks since this happened. I have been in complete No Contact Mode with her. In social media, I see no apparent discomfort in her as she has been travelling around with her friends every weekend

    I am very heartbroken over this entire episode and I dunno what exactly to do. I am unable to even rationalize as to why did she feel that way as I have always treated her with utmost respect and care, never pestering or nagging her and I am definitely not someone who is dominating and imposing on my partner wishes. Her friend also shared with me that she is a non confrontational person and does not share things openly. My girl had shared with me her past relationships and in both cases the guys had treated her very shabbily and broken her. Nowhere I had behaved this way. My parents as well used to be very happy that I finally seem to identified my partner. They will also be terribly broken at this turn of events

    Please share some thoughts on what I should be doing now

  2. #2
    SB Guru Major rv102938's Avatar
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    There is nothing you can do now. You tried contacting her, and if she is not responding what else can you do? Go to a building and jump for her? And now really, do you want to marry a girl who has abruptly broken a healthy budding relation? No, right? I say move on.
    Last edited by rv102938; 03-05-2018 at 02:08 AM.
    Ek din sher banke jeene se behtar hai do din sher banke jiyo...

  3. #3
    ~PrincE~ Major LuVon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    All of a sudden for about one and half days, she went into silent mode and then next day morning she messages me saying things won't work out between us as our priorities, timelines, very small things which matter to her we are different and ends it there. It was a rude shock to me. I tried calling her, messaging her etc. without abusing her.She stopped picking my calls without blocking me
    Kyu ka toh pata nahi, but I think she has made her intention very clear to u n u cant do anything on it.
    Just Move on..
    Just You ... Only You

  4. #4
    Dactar :) Lieutenant-Colonel Neha1's Avatar
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    Just move on.. .. you can't make someone love you when they fall out of love. Find some nice girl who can love u unconditionally.
    Anything that costs you your peace is too expensive

  5. #5
    ♥ fєmmє fαtαlє ♥ Major Sweet Mimi's Avatar
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    hmmm you should not feel guilty if this has broken.. you seem someone who has loads of emotions... this relationship is so dear to you that may be you even trying to blame yourself over this suffocating thing.. let me tell you one thing, long distance relationship barely works... you have no control over the relationship. the person is so far from you that become easy to lie to the other.. other things might even happen and you may not even be aware.

    sometimes when a person find someone else and want to move on any excuse is fine for them to justify their decision of leaving. dont take her excuse too seriously bacause i am telling you she is simply playing with these words... if someone really love you are want you in her life, then when she felt suffocated over any matter she would have communicate to you.. but she didnt.

    she prefered to back off from this relationship. and mark my words, girls who often behave like this, it always turn out they have another one in their life. sometimes you may feel i trust her, no she cant have someone but if its so easy to stop talking to you for 3 weeks then ask yourself where didnt she got the courage to do so!

    long distance relationship is very problematic. the person might be talking to you, and chatting with someone else at same time you will never know!! everyone need support when such kind of decision is taken... ask yourself who is her support?

    well all you can you is move on.. i know you are hurt.. you feel sad but life is life... these things happen... now if she returns then think well before getting along with her.. she left you before marriage.. never know she can leave you after marriage for petty reasons like this!
    I'm a shhh girl
    Loving me could be a crime

  6. #6
    « rahmaniac » Lieutenant-Colonel ariesgirl's Avatar
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    Don't know what exactly is on her mind. If you are not in any hurry, just wait for some 2-3 months until she clears her mind and get back to you through any message. But please don't keep any hope or expectation. Just carry on with your life without any hope or expectation. If she comes back before you meet another person, go with what your heart says.
    Give people roses while they can still smell them. . .

  7. #7
    SB Legend Brigadier General
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    bad ..................

  8. #8
    SB Wizard Captain o00's Avatar
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    Time to move on. Why waste energy?
    You never know what you can become ..

  9. #9
    Young Gun visio1's Avatar
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    Exact same thing happened with me. Everything with this girl was picture perfect for 3 months and suddenly "she dint wanted to get married this year" and that too was conveyed on whatsapp. You know what I did? I stopped being in touch the very same day because its just not worth it!

    If you are just an option for someone, don't let them be your priority.

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