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Thread: Marital Financial Issues

  1. #1
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    Default Marital Financial Issues

    Hi Preeto Mam,
    I have been married (arranged) since an year and have been having serious marital issues (both working drawing decent salary). My Wife and I are having almost daily fights due to my wife's nature. She is extremely egoistic, selfish and nagging. She would fight over small issues such as me not cleaning grill after having made breakfast, if I play games on my mobile she would get upset etc
    The most recent issue that seems to have struck between us is financial management. I decided that I should take care of all major bills such as Rent, grocery Weekend entertainment, dine outs, travel,car bills etc (Roughly 50k) while I gave her responsibility of taking care of Electricity, Maid, Milk &internet (Roughly 8k)
    It all went fine in new house for 2 months, however now she has started fighting seriously and involved even her mom. According to her and her mom, female should not contribute even a penny in day to day running of the house. Her argument is that when I am in trouble she would support else its horrible of me to ask for her contribution. If I didnt had money why did I even marry.

    My logic is I want to make my wife matured, sensible, independent and responsible person. I dont want to give her a treatment of a Hotel but want her also to share part of house responsibility. This will help me and her strike a balance and save decently. I dont want a case where I continue to spend most of my salary and she is saving full of hers and I get hand tied I have to make some major purchase. Also if she spends she would have better idea of inflation and day to day challenges.

    If I tell her that you must take this as ownership then says what if I loose my job one day. This is strange as by this logic, what if I loose my job.

    I am open to suggestions as I dont know how to deal with this. Please advice if she is right with her approach or I am.

  2. #2
    Dactar :) Lieutenant-Colonel Neha1's Avatar
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    Default

    It should be a mutual understanding to share the home responsibilities.....
    My husband's salary is lot more than mine. He handles each and every core of house from paying maid to maintaining car from his salary BUT incase his salary falls shorts due to some reason , I give him whatever amount he wants. Inshort his salary is spent fully and mine is saved. We have no issues in this management. At times I feel very bad when he gives money to his mother and sisters without any reason(sisters and mother fully well settled). This leads to our argument at times bcz I feel that he is falling short of money just because he gave it to his family . I am telling u my story just to make u realise that there is no hard and fast rule of managing finances between a couple. You both can just try to figure out what works best for you.

    PS: I married about an year ago.
    Anything that costs you your peace is too expensive

  3. #3
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    Your case is closer to my case, but little different. When I got married in 1995, i was earning way more that people dreamt at that time. But immediately after marriage i suffered severe setback in business and my incomes from 10s of lakh per year to almost zero for about 5 years. At 28 saving is never a concept.

    So about a year after marriage, financial responsibility shifted to my wife which according to me was not a great deal but she was of an pinion that men ONLY is supposed to win bread. Which put lots of strain on our relationship and eventually after 15 years and one child i filed for divorce. We knew each other from age of about 14 and when got married, i was about 28.

    BTW crisis lasted for about 5 years for me.

    I do not like to comment on gender psychology so will refrain but just remember that both men and women still behaves from age old collective psychologie.

    In my view, i fully agree with you.

  4. #4
    SB Guru Major rv102938's Avatar
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    If whatever you are saying is unbiased, then I feel that these fights are only going to increase leading to eventual pain. You have to decide now whether to cut your pain short and separate OR try to accomodate/negotiate. You can sit with her and try to negotiate, come up with a mutually agreeable solution. Tell her that if you are compromising little, she should also do the same. If she is still stubborn and not able to compromise, then I'd suggest you start thinking of leaving her. If she doesnt care for you now, then she'll continue the same behavior going forward. All the best, let us know how it goes.
    Ek din sher banke jeene se behtar hai do din sher banke jiyo...

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    Be care full ....

  6. #6
    New Born sachingulyani's Avatar
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    Default Open Joint Account.

    You are not wrong in expecting the equal share in financial matters.

    Your wife seems to be a feminist. Do one thing. Open a joint account and both of you transfer all your monthly earnings into that joint account and pay all the expenses of the month from that joint account. Also, Do not forget to make the savings like SIP (mutual funds) from that joint account.

    All the best.

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