my bf is extremely possesive on me

[suhana]

hi ppl i have a bf who is extremely possesive on me. he does not trust me.his x girlfriend had cheated on him. so he always has the fear that i might also dump him or somethin.. and so he is being extra cautious and its bugging me. like he never lets me go to any of my friends house(that too all are girls) and he has forbidden me from talking to any guys in my class. he never lets me go outside anywhere else. i know he loves me a lot and takes real good care of me but still its like he wants me to talk only with him and not with anyone else he hates it even if spend time with my parents. i tried talking to him but he is not listening .. i love him a lot and i dont wanna lose him also but i dont like this attitude of him .. help me i doono what to do

[Preeto Maam]

hi ppl i have a bf who is extremely possesive on me. he does not trust me.his x girlfriend had cheated on him. so he always has the fear that i might also dump him or somethin.. and so he is being extra cautious and its bugging me. like he never lets me go to any of my friends house(that too all are girls) and he has forbidden me from talking to any guys in my class. he never lets me go outside anywhere else. i know he loves me a lot and takes real good care of me but still its like he wants me to talk only with him and not with anyone else he hates it even if spend time with my parents. i tried talking to him but he is not listening .. i love him a lot and i dont wanna lose him also but i dont like this attitude of him .. help me i doono what to do

Hi!
look, if this is his attitude now, its really not likely that he will improve in a hurry. Yes, I agree that you love him but does your world revolve around him only? Love also means being happy in the loved ones happiness. If this guy is not happy when you are with your family and friends, then you really need to examine what makes him tick???
If you are expecting that things are going to change over a passage of time, well, there maybe a remote possibility of that, but the chances are low. so, under the circumstances, please examine if you really want to stick on or gently break away from this relationship. The choice, finally, is yours!!

[Missy]

POSSESIVE BOYFRIEND


When does love become possessiveness, and when does jealousy translate into abusive behavior ?

Possessive behavior has nothing to do with love. It stems from insecurity, low self-esteem and can sometimes be the sign of greater psychological illnesses such as narcissistic personality disorder, bipolar disorder or schizophrenia.

Possessive partners are great manipulators and can turn even the most black-and-white situations into something that is to their advantage. The key to finding out if your boyfriend is possessive is to take a long, hard look at your relationship and decide if you feel stifled, or if you’re afraid to do anything without your partner’s ‘permission’.

Possessiveness is Not Love
Many girls mistake a possessive boyfriend for a loving boyfriend. There is a big, thick black line between caring behaviour and stifling behaviour. The caring boyfriend is genuinely concerned for you and will be able to back this up with facts. For example, if you are regularly experimenting with drugs and he expresses to you that he thinks you have a problem, this is not possessiveness, it’s love. If he says you’ve been out with your friends too often lately, followed by sulkiness and general bad behaviour for days on end to punish you, this is possessiveness, not love

The Punisher
Possessive boyfriends are great at devising little ways to ‘punish’ you for any perceived slights. Things as simple as forgetting to call or text once, or having friends of the opposite sex, can become a minefield of tears, recrimination and apologies. Punishment can vary from withholding sex or attention, to constantly breaking-up and getting back together. Other weird and wonderful ways he can think of to punish you may be signing up onto dating websites to make you jealous, or openly flirting with other girls to achieve the same result.

Romance vs Manipulation
It’s not romantic if your boyfriend calls you all the time ‘just to see how you are doing’. If he sends you texts in the middle of the night even after you’ve informed him that you’ve gone to sleep, or rings you constantly when you’re out with friends, that is not romantic. It is manipulative behaviour designed to control who you see, what you do and how much time you spend away from him. It is also not romantic if he claims to have no other friends apart from you and that’s why he needs to see you all the time. He’s trying to guilt you into making the relationship your entire life. Don’t fall for it.

How to Break-Up with One
The only sensible solution to an overly-possessive boyfriend is to break up with them. It can be hard to do so when you are deeply emotionally involved with someone, and especially with a possessive partner because they will seek to create an unbreakable (read scary clingy) bond with you. You need to make them see that their behaviour is not something you want in a long-term partner, and that you need your own space. However, you are most likely in this pickle in the first place because you couldn’t make him see that, so don’t feel too bad about breaking it off.

Remember: Possessiveness can easily be mistaken for love because it’s flattering to have someone who claims not to be able to live without you, but possessive behaviour is nothing more than manipulation, and that you can do without.

-Karen

[Missy]

Well, I hope that you read my previous post that I made.. I recently broke with my BF & I was going out with him for last 3.8 yrs- We were about to get married by this Dec & suddendly I realized I couldnt take it anymore as I was not even allow to go shopping without his 'permission'

I am celebrating life now - I am free...so make up your mind..if you want to be with someone who is possessive!

[Betaab]

You should draw the line and let him know his boundaries. I know this type of man will just get worse and worse with time. He needs to respect your space. If you ever end up marrying this man, he will just start putting restrictions on you to how much he will allow you to visit your parents and family. My cousin's husband is such a man. Now my cousin is living in pure hell. You need to talk to him and let him know his limits.

[suhana]

hi ppl,
thankx for the advice.. this time i have talked to him clearly and told him everything straight.. he felt really sorry and he promised me that he will change his attitude.. we decided to start things all over again...i hope he really changes...thanks again everyone

[Preeto Maam]

Thats great but do keep an eagle eys for the re-occurence of this behaviour. hate to sound negative, but a leopard does not easily change his spots!!!
But best of luck!!!

[goatbakra]

Ok, I am going to look at this from both angles:
1. Why the hell do you need to talk to other boys?...are you a **** or you want to sleep around?
2. Well, if he has this restriction on you, you impose the same restriction, 'he can't talk to girls'....*** for tat !

[Betaab]

Ok, I am going to look at this from both angles:
1. Why the hell do you need to talk to other boys?...are you a **** or you want to sleep around?
2. Well, if he has this restriction on you, you impose the same restriction, 'he can't talk to girls'....*** for tat !

True, you have a point. Alot of guys don't like their woman talking to other guys (I know I wouldn't like it either). But this guy won't even let her talk to other girls! He obviously has some issues with his past and is now taking it out on her. Personally I would suggest to her to not even be with this guy, because it's very hard for a person to change his behavior. As preeto maam has said "leopard does not easily change his spots".