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Thread: Theories Of TIME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    SB Wizard Captain krish.mukh's Avatar
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    Talking Theories Of TIME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    There are 12 prevailing schools of thought on the History of Time





    Theory # -1

    Time has happened, is happening, and will happen. It just did, and what would have happened then just did and now has happened. That phenomenon, known as the "Holy Shit, My Head Hurts" phenomenon, is constantly occurring and will forever occur, and has just occurred.

    Theory # 0

    Time could be NOW... Or even NOW... But not yesterday... That is past... NOW... What is written NOW... Is NOW past... So the time has gone...

    NOW!!!

    Theory # 1

    Time was invented by Thomas Edison in 1803 BLT when he was sitting under a strawberry tree and and a car fell on his head. He went into his Malibu mansion to take a bath. While he was in the bath, he looked at the water he displaced and he thought to himself, "It must have taken a long time for an apple to grow from a strawberry tree", so he invented a device to monitor how long it takes for an apple to grow from a strawberry tree. It was a funny glass thing where sand flowed from the top to the bottom. He called it "watch". Because people watched it a lot those days.

    Thomas Edison along with his team of scientologists divided time into the world standard that we use today.

    Seconds (Olde English)- a term used when a person goes back to the buffet line to get more food.

    * 1 Second - time it takes for an apple to fall 10 meters (or metres in Olde [or Old in New Englsh] English)
    * 60 seconds - time it takes for 60 pineapples (the existence of pine-apples conveniently mediates the units of apples and trees) to fall 10 meters when they all are dropped at the same time from vertices of a 60-sided regular polygon.


    1 Mili-second - 1/100 of a second GMT

    1 Jiffy - A type of scottish jig, traditionally performed with lube.

    1 Minute = 73 seconds, the difference in time between Michael Moore going on stage and being booed off.

    119.53 seconds - the amount of time it takes to pour the perfect pint of guinness.

    1 Hour - time it takes to gather up and cook 60 apples in hot Cheese dip.... yummmm

    24 Hours - how long it takes to recover from a hangover

    1 Day - a year divided by 365 or 1 year multiplied by 1/365

    1 Month - 28 or more consecutive days ranging from 28 to 37 (later the maximum amount of days in a month was shortened to 35).

    Year - Thomas Edison borrowed the term "year" from the Good Year Blimp when he noticed it could be spotted every 365 days on July 4th.

    1 Eventually - Wait for it.... Wait for it.... NOW!

    10 Years - 1 year times 10

    Century - 1 year time century/1.236659874521625 to the power of -95213.3 times pi.

    Millenium - Right around the corner.

    Googleoplezium - Average Google search time for porn

    Hammer Time - It is unknown what this time means, as nobody can touch this.

    Backwards Time - too complicated for mere mortals like you to understand.......

    Everytime - The difference in time from what you're doing now to what you're doing later.

    Nap Time - For most Xbox Live users, it SHOULD be right about now.

    And so on.....

    Theory # 2
    Time was invented by Fidel Castro in 1802, who also invented Purple. It was the first attempt by someone to explain why everything isn't happening simultaneously. The concept of time has been accepted by most scientists even though there is no evidence it exists. Even though Fidel Castro laid the conceptual groundwork for time it was your mother who wrote the standard work on time: 'Time, who cares? A introduction to time and other strange weird thingies'. This book claimed that time was square and a little bit bouncy. Time is most known for it's lack of practical uses. In 1899 Satan started the 'Practical Time Competition', giving away $100 for the first person to find a use for time. To date no person has entered this competition, which supports the majority opinion amongst laypeople that time is just a theoretical construct invented for the purpose of simplifying calculations of objects traveling at near the speed of light.

    Theory # 3
    Another theory, produced by Heidegger is that time is a relatively new invention, it was invented around 1650 by the dutch clockmaker Christian Huygens. Before Huygens matter was kinetically frozen and nothing was able to move or change. Conservation was total. This means that besides the normal physical laws of conservation of energy and momentum, there also existed a law of conservation of place. After the invention of time, Christian Huygens made a lot of money selling clocks (interestingly, the proof that money's existence follows from time's existence can be derived from E=mc^2 and t=$, but is too complex to be included in this article).

    Theory # 4
    Some geek scrolls, found on the ruins of a ancient geek bathroom, testimony that time was created by Euclid after he created space. Unfortunately in Euclidean space there is no movement, so there is no way his theory can be proven, however, this theory was said "perfect" by Oscar Wilde, then nowadays it is the most acceptable unacceptable theory ever made.

    Theory # 5
    Recent evidence shows that time was originally created when the mythical David the Yogo puked it up after seeing the color Onion. Before this, every year was -100, and that made kittens cry.

    Theory # 6

    King George VI invented time, but it is not precisely known when. It was used by many of his subjects to measure prowess in kitten huffing competitions.

    Theory # 7
    Hidden Time exists. 1 + 2 = 4

    Theory # 8
    Time was a marketing scheme developed by the alarm clock industry in an effort to increase sales. See Valentine's Day.

    Theory # 9

    Time was invented in 1972 in Dublin by Shamus O'Clock.

    Theory # 9.5
    Time is not real. It's just a misspelling of the word "thyme".

    Theory # 10

    Time was actually discovered by Gallagher inside of a watermelon during a show cerca 1 A.D.. It is said that the time, though completely unnoticable through our senses, expanded throughout the universe. Scientists are still studying the "Watermeloverse" as it exists today.

    Theory # 11

    The reason clocks tell time is because time is really a brick. Ask a preschooler--they'll understand.

    Theory # 12

    or Bonochronometrics Is a theory that has developed over the past year by some wheelchair guy and has yet to be accepted by anyone. The premise is that Time itself is merely the quantumn equalizing effect due to the ebb and flow of Bono's ego. As Bono's ego grows larger and more unjustifiably everyday - the strain on the Universe as it attempts to rebalance the massive ego displacement threatens the very fabric of space itself - most notably and ironically in Africa where some crazy shit seems to go down. According to this theory, at it's current rate, Time is expected to collapse in on itself next Tuesday in a cataclysmic reverse asplosion.
    Last edited by krish.mukh; 11-07-2008 at 03:30 PM.

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  2. #2
    ησтнιη ρєяѕσηαℓ! Lieutenant-Colonel bondx99's Avatar
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    verry Longgg 2 read...Didnt read...If other ppl tell its interesting..Den ill read...

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    Maverick Colonel Isotope A10's Avatar
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    Never knew these stuff........thankz !
    he he he he !
    I am Freakin' Insecure Neurotically Emotional.


    I am FINE.

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    {!♥!`ਸਿਮਰਨ`!♥!} Colonel Mi$$ $aInI's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bondx99 View Post
    verry Longgg 2 read...Didnt read...If other ppl tell its interesting..Den ill read...
    Same to same
    ╚»¤ ¤«╝

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    SB Wizard Captain krish.mukh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mi$$ $aInI View Post
    Same to same
    ladkiya bolti bhi itna hi hai ...par read narne ke liye itna natak

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    {!♥!`ਸਿਮਰਨ`!♥!} Colonel Mi$$ $aInI's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by krish.mukh View Post
    ladkiya bolti bhi itna hi hai ...par read narne ke liye itna natak
    ╚»¤ ¤«╝

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    ▐║Mirchirific Moderator║▌ Brigadier General mirchi.foreever's Avatar
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    it is nice.....
    Bro make it attractive and presentable......so people will show some interest in this thread.


    great post
    tanks for sharing.....
    I am a different person- compared to- who I was this time the last year...

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    Let's Kill Enemies Field Marshal sweetooo.baba's Avatar
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    I cant understand

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