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Thread: Cheating Husband.......heartbroken!

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    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Default Cheating Husband.......heartbroken!

    My husband cheated on me and when he was caught and broke up with his ex,he asked for his forgiveness and promised me for not doing anything like that again.but he still gives hidden missed calls to tht his ex and also have chit chat with other women,and deletes his numbers n texts from his cell but i get to know about it somehow.i have forgiven him as that was my compulsion but i don't feel anything for him now.dont feel like having sex with him,talking,laughing or going out.hes has badly broken my trust but i have to live with him for my lil kid. please tell me how should i cope with this situation?i remain too worried n tensed.it gets too hard n frustrating when u cant even express your dislike for someone and have to carry on with life normally as if nothing ever happened

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    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Yes, I agree that its very hard to carry on as if nothing has happened. a breach of trust is hard to deal with indeed. But, my question to you is that since you have decided to carry on with him, is it not better that you actually take some measures to be at peace and actually make things better between you rather than stressing out and being miserable. That way you are doing nothing for the family at all...not even for your kids.
    See, if you want to go on, we can discuss how you and your husband can come to terms with this crisis in your lives and carry on. Do let me know here!

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    Young Gun me_n_she's Avatar
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    do one thing ask ur husband to either leave his activities or u shud leave him. afterall life is very long if u dnt get anyone with u . u cant live like this. be clear of what u want

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    your child deserves better than the 'pretense' of having a 'good' father when truly your husband is a person with a sinful habit. you and your child deserve better.

    it may hurt your child if you decide to leave your husband now, but pretending that everything is ok is the same as lying to your child.

    perhaps you can wait until your child is old enough to bear such news maturely; I would say 16 is a reasonable age.

    I'm sure you do a lot for you husband in terms of providing for him. If he wants to continue receiving those basic necessities then you should give him an ultimatum: it's either you, or the other ones, not both.

    It's good that you've forgiven him, but it seems that he's exploited your forgiveness.

    I wish you all the best!

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    •-passionate peach-• Major Missy's Avatar
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    Why dont you have an open talk with him regarding your feelings?Lets see, if that works out for you?
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    ~ cavalier ~ ♀ ☣ )o( ⌆ Lieutenant-Colonel Lisbonstar28's Avatar
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    I think you should be looking more into the reasons on why he's turning to others instead of you.I'm not saying that you alone,or at all, have driven him to infidelity but there could well be a possibility that his needs are not being met by you in your marriage,whatever they might be...

    You need to once again confront him with all the recent evidence that suggests he's carrying on with his ways.
    Be strong and have courage,don't let any emotions take over you and talk it out with him..talk about how you feel and the changes you BOTH would like to make,be very specific and don't hold back..hear him out.. do let him talk as well.!

    He needs to be showing you remorse and until he proves and somehow demonstrates that he has changed,only then are you going to start to feel better.
    Only you can really and truly decide what steps you want to take but don't give up on him easily without trying your best.

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    Let's Kill Enemies Field Marshal sweetooo.baba's Avatar
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    Default sorry for da late reply

    Quote Originally Posted by Preeto Maam View Post
    Yes, I agree that its very hard to carry on as if nothing has happened. a breach of trust is hard to deal with indeed. But, my question to you is that since you have decided to carry on with him, is it not better that you actually take some measures to be at peace and actually make things better between you rather than stressing out and being miserable. That way you are doing nothing for the family at all...not even for your kids.
    See, if you want to go on, we can discuss how you and your husband can come to terms with this crisis in your lives and carry on. Do let me know here!
    i had been bit busy during all dat time thats why couldnt log in.. i wanted to go on but for da past few weeks since when i have noticed hes trying to get in otuch with his ex again,giving her anonymous missed calls and also calling other women n then deleting their calls n msgs...im just fed up of this non-stop cheating. lemme tel me im from pakistan,muslim girl, u guys must b knwing how much an asian woman is bound n stuck in to so-called-society made traditions. i dont feel any love or emotion towards him.believe me after every prayer i just pray to get rid of him.but im with just coz of my parents honour. u know people around u never let u live n kill u with their questioning glances and interrogation,n i really dont want my parents to go through this in this age. pls tel me how shud i gather shattered pieces of mine..im so restless n mentally disturbed. will i ever b able to live a normal n happy life like i used 2 have b4 getting married..because after my marriage,i have just cried n cried..DAILY, till da date.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lisbonstar28 View Post
    I think you should be looking more into the reasons on why he's turning to others instead of you.I'm not saying that you alone,or at all, have driven him to infidelity but there could well be a possibility that his needs are not being met by you in your marriage,whatever they might be...

    You need to once again confront him with all the recent evidence that suggests he's carrying on with his ways.
    Be strong and have courage,don't let any emotions take over you and talk it out with him..talk about how you feel and the changes you BOTH would like to make,be very specific and don't hold back..hear him out.. do let him talk as well.!

    He needs to be showing you remorse and until he proves and somehow demonstrates that he has changed,only then are you going to start to feel better.
    Only you can really and truly decide what steps you want to take but don't give up on him easily without trying your best.

    mine was an arranged marriage.. he had been sleeping with other women b4 getting married with me and they continued to go on ..she got pregnant twice from my husband..first time she did abortion,bt 2nd time she refused to do so,may b she wanted to blackmail my husband n she threatened him tht she wil drag him to court n will tell everyone tht this child is his.. n i really wish she does what shes said. n wht kind of reasons i r u talking abt... i have been aan excellent wife till now.. just name the work i havent done for him,on time..i fulfilled all my duties,gave him trust,respect,love,loyality,friendship,good sexual relations n on top of everything,a beautiful healthy child.. but what did i get in return..cheating..is this how a dutiful n loyal wife paid? i had been tolerating everything and giving him chances again n again but in vain. im not a courageous woman to leave him like that n go on without caring abt world.if i had been,i wouldnt have written these posts over here. but i really need help n true advise..

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    Quote Originally Posted by imraankhan View Post
    your child deserves better than the 'pretense' of having a 'good' father when truly your husband is a person with a sinful habit. you and your child deserve better.

    it may hurt your child if you decide to leave your husband now, but pretending that everything is ok is the same as lying to your child.

    perhaps you can wait until your child is old enough to bear such news maturely; I would say 16 is a reasonable age.

    I'm sure you do a lot for you husband in terms of providing for him. If he wants to continue receiving those basic necessities then you should give him an ultimatum: it's either you, or the other ones, not both.

    It's good that you've forgiven him, but it seems that he's exploited your forgiveness.

    I wish you all the best!

    i totally agree with u...hes exploited my forgiveness and taken it forgranted like he takes me forgranted..just a sex toy and servant..thats it..i wish i cud leave him...i WISH

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    Quote Originally Posted by Missy View Post
    Why dont you have an open talk with him regarding your feelings?Lets see, if that works out for you?
    i have talked to him in every POSSIBLE way...we had been discussing it several times but he always starts shouting..u know :guilty concious pricks da mind"... hes a stone hearted,selfish,dominant,cruel n loose character man. im so unlucky to have him as my husband n i feel too embarrased to have him as my baby's dad. i know even if im quiet n unable to do anything in reaction,i believe in WHAT GOES AROUND, COMES AROUND.. but till tht time, my life hav been wasted n passed in crying n pissing off n burning from inside. i wonder what kinda future n training wil i give to my child in this situation? im too worried. take me as a helpless woman n advise me

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    ~ cavalier ~ ♀ ☣ )o( ⌆ Lieutenant-Colonel Lisbonstar28's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by benumbed View Post
    mine was an arranged marriage.. he had been sleeping with other women b4 getting married with me and they continued to go on ..she got pregnant twice from my husband..first time she did abortion,bt 2nd time she refused to do so,may b she wanted to blackmail my husband n she threatened him tht she wil drag him to court n will tell everyone tht this child is his.. n i really wish she does what shes said. n wht kind of reasons i r u talking abt... i have been aan excellent wife till now.. just name the work i havent done for him,on time..i fulfilled all my duties,gave him trust,respect,love,loyality,friendship,good sexual relations n on top of everything,a beautiful healthy child.. but what did i get in return..cheating..is this how a dutiful n loyal wife paid? i had been tolerating everything and giving him chances again n again but in vain. im not a courageous woman to leave him like that n go on without caring abt world.if i had been,i wouldnt have written these posts over here. but i really need help n true advise..
    I wasn't discrediting you or your efforts,I was just laying out a possibility..a common factor.All of us in here can be quite biblical and easily say that he is very much wrong, leave him etc,but only you know him well enough to judge whether he is going to change,whether the respect and trust can be
    re-established again or not,only you can take the next steps.

    In whatever that you decide,i advise you not to rush into making that decision,but it's not looking good..
    his adultery is an ongoing habit and this can and will separate you both further apart in the end..you marriage might survive but will it thrive? is surviving all that you want?? it's your call to decide,no one can be expected to live this way.
    you have my full empathy,best of luck to you.

  13. #13
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    My dear, dear girl,

    I'm so glad that you can come out here and say exactly how it is with you and your marriage and what your constraints are and your feelings around them. Too often, I get to see only a part of the problem and so am not able to give anything but superficial advise.

    Now, the situation seems to be like this that you actively dislike your husband and your marriage and your position but are not willing or able to take the extreme step. I absolutely do NOT blame you for it. I realize just how difficult it is to step out of a marriage and specially in a conservative society. Still, I will not advise you to stick to the situation forever. Look for chances to opt out in one way or another.

    That does not mean that you opt out of the marriage per say BUT it does mean that YOU detach yourself from this daily interrogation and energy draining exercise of questioning his lies.

    If the marriage does not seem to be working, its time that you thought of your wellness and that of your children. So my dear, strengthen yourself from within. Consciously detach yourself from your husband. Being embarrassed about him, getting hassled that your child is his too is really not going to help.

    Being independent from him in thought and feeling WILL help you. There are some ways that will help you to detach from him but are you sure that you want to? We can work on those. BUT in case you want your husband to change his ways, we may not be able to achieve that as yet!

    Think about it and let me know.

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    SB MahaGuru Colonel gors1's Avatar
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    It's So Sad to hear everything. But the best way is to make yourself Independent first. If its possible try to find out some job for yourself. When you will be financially secure than it will give you some confidence and will help you to come out of it.

    And I would like to give you one more advice too try to be little bit selfish because when you and your child is suffering then why you are thinking of the conservative world. People are always there to pull others leg but no one can understand your inner conditions. So fight for yourself and don't think about others. People will talk and go back to their houses and sleep well but they will disturb you and will never let you move forward.

    All the best !
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    Default preeto mam

    Quote Originally Posted by Preeto Maam View Post
    My dear, dear girl,

    I'm so glad that you can come out here and say exactly how it is with you and your marriage and what your constraints are and your feelings around them. Too often, I get to see only a part of the problem and so am not able to give anything but superficial advise.

    Now, the situation seems to be like this that you actively dislike your husband and your marriage and your position but are not willing or able to take the extreme step. I absolutely do NOT blame you for it. I realize just how difficult it is to step out of a marriage and specially in a conservative society. Still, I will not advise you to stick to the situation forever. Look for chances to opt out in one way or another.

    That does not mean that you opt out of the marriage per say BUT it does mean that YOU detach yourself from this daily interrogation and energy draining exercise of questioning his lies.

    If the marriage does not seem to be working, its time that you thought of your wellness and that of your children. So my dear, strengthen yourself from within. Consciously detach yourself from your husband. Being embarrassed about him, getting hassled that your child is his too is really not going to help.

    Being independent from him in thought and feeling WILL help you. There are some ways that will help you to detach from him but are you sure that you want to? We can work on those. BUT in case you want your husband to change his ways, we may not be able to achieve that as yet!

    Think about it and let me know.
    yes im really interestd to know the ways of detaching myself from him. for how long wil i b killing my ownself..i feel myself as half mad now,n i wil b completely mad n psychic if i get myself stuck in these things. hes already destroyed my personality,self respect n self confidence. i feel like a loser. n im so unfortunate to b helpless n left over besides having a family,but who cares abt me...they r just scared of one thing n that is: log kia kahain gay...am i really nothing? where do i stand and who exactly will make me happy n strong. preeto mam i wil b waiting for ur reply n pls do me another favour too..i.e. how can i bookmark this topic as it gets difficult to find it out of many topics?

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