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Thread: Hubby has a past!.....Samra

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    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Default Hubby has a past!.....Samra

    hiii. I want ur serious advice... i have been a regular reader of agony aunt and now i m in a funny positions... i was married 10 months ago... it was arranged marriage and everything is going just super... my hubby loves me a lot and so do my in laws... my hubby had a gf before marriage and they both were serious about it. but somehow they broke up and after few months we got married. i knew about this thing before marriage so no issues... now the thing is that after marriage i asked him many times that was he involved physically with that gal. he said just they had smooched nothing else... (it was a topic for fun and we both used to laugh on this) yesterday itself i came to know that they were actually involved physically. now i dnt know y my hubby lied to me... and what shud i do now?? shud i leave this matter here itself or talk with him once.. i dnt want to embarrass him... can u suggest plzz??
    Last edited by Preeto Maam; 13-09-2008 at 11:07 AM.

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    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Look, I really do not think that getting involved in what your husband's past was is going to do any good. so, he did not tell you that he was physically involved with the girl. maybe he did that because he did not want to hurt you.
    You, obviously have been too inquisitive and asking around about this girl. I would suggest that you let matters be and go ahead with making your marriage a wonderful one. Challenging your husband, being jealous about some girt in the past is not going to help either or you, nor the marriage!

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    ×║♥ਸੋਹਣੀ ਮੋਟੀ♥║× Lieutenant General
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    Quote Originally Posted by Preeto Maam View Post
    Look, I really do not think that getting involved in what your husband's past was is going to do any good. so, he did not tell you that he was physically involved with the girl. maybe he did that because he did not want to hurt you.
    You, obviously have been too inquisitive and asking around about this girl. I would suggest that you let matters be and go ahead with making your marriage a wonderful one. Challenging your husband, being jealous about some girt in the past is not going to help either or you, nor the marriage!
    ya i also agree past is past and u shudnt wake it up if he dunt have any contact wid dat gf anymore

    it is hard i must say especially for we women whu always want to kno everything about our partner but if u want ur marriage to work den just forget about dat

    maybe u are hurt dat he had physical relation wid her n dat u didnt do such thing but wht to say he didntkno tha he was goin to spend his life wid u and when someone is in love den there's no limit in expressing it but dat was the past again

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    Young Gun me_n_she's Avatar
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    talk to him, get to kn what physical they had. and afterall its his past and if he will not repeat it again then it means he is loyal and loves you

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    •-passionate peach-• Major Missy's Avatar
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    I think in my opinion, PAST do matter!

    Get the details of his past & ask him questions & ask him why he lied to you at first place ?

    Maybe he will make excuses! But do prepare your mind. . . He might get super high when you tell him that you came to know that he was involved physical with his Gf which he never told you!

    Secondly, he might apologize to you for not being honest about his past & may ask for forgivness!

    Either way, you have to forgive & should forget the past as well!

    Remember ;

    PAST = Gone, Forgotten, HISTORY!

    Chocolate, men, coffee: some things are better rich.


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    ~ cavalier ~ ♀ ☣ ⌆ Major Lisbonstar28's Avatar
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    There's really no reason for you to be getting so vexed..trust me on this!.. quite often when we mess around and ask about previous relationships there's always a serious point hidden somewhere within that humour that's required to be addressed more openly but we become too apprehensive into asking and answering directly in fear of what the other person might think, ..what's probably happened here is that you have confronted him and he has picked up a signal of disapproval from you and his natural reaction at that time was to put up a defence because you cornered him. I wouldn't really class this as a deceiving lie, it's more of a white lie .

    Should you ask him about it? of course you should because if you don't there might always be a wall between you both, but do it nicely with a subtle approach,respect his past relationship, just because he had slept with her it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you non the less,he didn't do anything wrong.
    Bring yourselves into such a level where you both have no secrets left whatsoever,and that requires a cool head and at times a demonstration of some sort that you fully understand, only then will you have the "full package" of a marriage.
    Best of luck !

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    The King O' Bling™ Lieutenant-Colonel wannabebuddy's Avatar
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    just forget everything!!!

    and live a happy married life that has started just 10 months back!!!

    u r definitely gonna have more better & exciting things to look forward in life!!!

    best of luck!!!

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    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    There is a concept known as 'too much information'. Can you handle all the information that you are looking for? Supposing he does admit to an affair, are you in a position to forgive and NEVER let it impact you, never bring it up in your whole life ? This could be true in his context also if he gets hold of something against you. It is human nature to bring up the other person's follies on a later date. Its ammunition that they have that they WILL use sooner or later. The person who does not do so is a person who has achieved an elevated state of being!

    After much experience I have come to believe that there is no state called a 'no secret' state. On the contrary, there are private places within each individual that no other person needs to enter simply because no other person can be YOU.

    This is just a philosophical diatribe and has nothing to do with the issue. I am only introducing you guys to a concept, that's all!!

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    rightly said...


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    Default get a clue from my wife's wisdom

    i had quite few past stories before my marriage. but before marriage i told every thing about every other girl and me including their names and addresses and my physical relations with them, i promised her that i will never repeat it and the place in my life i am giving to you will never ever give to any one else. she thought and agreed to marry me. now its been 7th year of our marriage and we have beautiful daughters really darlings for both of us. she never ever repeated those stories or never questioned me ever. she knows those girls but she never stopped me from talking to them just bcoz she trusts my words and i never broke her trust since our love. 2 years of our love and 6 years of our marriage.

    samra get a lesson of leading a happy life. my wife trusted me and it makes me feel a huge responsibility on my side not to break her trust.
    put a burden of trust on your husband as you told he loves you. believe this burden of love and trust works.

  11. #11
    ▐║Mirchirific Moderator║▌ Brigadier General mirchi.foreever's Avatar
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    dont believe anything if its not coming from you husband........


    trust is the most important thing in any relation.....
    Banega Bharat...badlega Bharat

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    Bl!_!Ff !\/!!$TR3$$ Lieutenant-Colonel AMNA KHAN's Avatar
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    ignore it !!!!!!!!
    leave this matter
    its ur hubby's past
    do not discuss it if u want peace in ur life !!!!!!!!!

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    Madam hv u ever heard a hubby telling her wife dat he was physical wid a gal before marriage...??
    Unhone tumhe isliye nahi bataya coz he dont want to loose u...

    Plz leave dat topic n live ur life happily!!

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    Young Gun diva786's Avatar
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    friend past is past n ths is yr present. y 2 spoil yr future........u was not his past. u r his future n presnt also.......he luvs u. n ths the only reason he did not tell u abt being physical.....but now u be cool n strong enough 2 talk 2 him.n now frm tday u try n be his gf..n ofcourse know evry thng abt his past also..........talk 2 him n tell him wht u want now so u guys can restart yr marrige life wht the smile on yr faces......tkcr.....

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    New Born saurabh.choudhary's Avatar
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    i dont know why people wanna spoil there present and future for past. Yes he lied 2 u and didnt tell u about physical relation but have u tried to ever think about reason 4 it? he may have lied coz he thinks u may be hurt and thats y he didnt tell u the truth. u r seeing that he is lying to you but u dont see that he actually cares 4 u and dont want u 2 get hurt. y u digging graves of past? he is loyal 2 u now and loves u , isnt that enough? people do have past and nobody can erase it, what matters is present and future. so my dear friend, dump the past and love him so much that he never thinks of anyone other than u in his life

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