Totally off him!

I am a 18 year old gal my name is priyanka...i study in 12th science.. i am very ambitious in life & am somewhat focused toward my career..
i was never in a relationship coz from the very beginning i liked a guy in my school...but we had stopped talking..! then when i was in 10th std i figured out that even he had feelings for me.. but was scared to tell me..! everything was going good...we liked each other..never misunderstood each other...even though we faced a lot of opposition in the beginnig we faced it together....

when our results were out..he wanted to take commerce but i wanted to go for science..so he left commerce & came with me to science..(although i never wanted him to do so..i also tried to stop him...) he left the stream of his coise & i left the college of my choice..( i know what ever happened at this time was completely wrong as one should not take such decisions so blindly..but the time itself was so emotional & complicated coz he thought if we parted way our relationship wont work...!)

may be because of all this we started having a lot of fights & arguments..we even broke up several time...(from his side) but even patched up again ccos we really cared for each other.. finally in 25 april 2009 we broke up..& i was very hurt..& i strongly decided never to back to him..three days later he told me he wanted us to be back & was sorry...! but i refused as i was sure i couldn't take it anymore as it was having a bad effect on my studies & my mental state..!
till five months he never stopped trying to make me come back...he would cry for hours saying he cant live without me..& he wont do it again..but dont know why i never returned to him,,..(note: it was really hurtted me a lot to see him this way..but i kind of turned stone hearted towards it..!) he havent studied much in all this month besides the fact that we are in 12th now..!

in the month of august i finally told him that i needed time to rebuild that trust & to fall in for him again..
coz initially thought we are two of a kind how wanted similar things in life..but now its all different...!

WHAT I WANT
1)i wanna have a good career & wanna be something in life ,..i wanna be happy & not be in a relationship where 2 people hardly understand each other..(like i feel for my parents i sometimes ask my self why did they married each other..isnt it good to be alone then to be in such a mess.)

WHAT HE WANTS
1) he says he wont be studying further as his parents are aware that he has totally lost his mind behind me,..& wont be even able to complete 12th properly..
he have fought with all his friends..his parents hardly talk to him..in short he has only me as someone he can share his life with..
( i feel culprit for his condition right now coz if we wouldnt have meet his life would have been much better,)

now the problem is i care for him ..but i really dont love him coz his priorities & my priorities in life are totally different ....i dont see a future together ...with him...
but he says i am all he have right now..& if i am gone he is left with nothing..!

when i try breaking up with him i think wat might be his condition..how can i be so selfish..?
& when i stay with him i dont feel happy .& feel i ll never be happy ..coz the way we talk even strangers might behave better with each other...

I AM REALLY IN A HUGE MESS & I KNOW THIS IS SOMEWHERE CREATED BY ME..I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO..
coz either way i am doing something wrong...!

PS:even after all this i am trying my best to be honest towards my studies & not let these things hamper it..but still i am really tensed thinking about it...!

[Preeto Maam]

OK, from what I see it looks like you are totally off this relationship and don't see it working at all. However, he can't let go and is hanging on to you and putting you on the guilt trip and its the guilt thats bothering you.

Well, sometimes we do make mistakes in our relationships and sometimes we do fall out of love and thats the sad part of love. But when we do realize that, then there is no point in carrying on if the relationship is dragging you down.
You are feeling shackled by the whole thing it looks like, so you may as well put an end to it clearly.

The boy is right now, in a state of denial and there is no point in giving him false hope at all. You may as well make a clean break and concentrate on your life as you want it. Make the break gently but firmly, though. This is a heart that you are dealing with!

[prakash27]

You are too young to do all these complexities!! Waiti few years and during that time avoid any fights!! If he really wants to fix it, it will work through this way. Or if u want to end it, do a clean breakup with out an guilty feeling left!!
agony aunt, marriage advice, relationship help, online agony aunt, relationship advice

[Midnight Valentine]

Don't leave him like this.....
We all commit mistakes ,but i feel you need to give your relationship a chance...
Talk to him about it...you can make it clear that if he again does the same things and fight then you will call off this relationship..full and final.

It doesn't feel good when the person you love leaves you...he made a mistake ,but he & you loved each other not because of any reason....relive that moment...be close to him...bad times will pass away and you both will be happy again...

If you don't want to take any stress and want an easy way out..then you can always be stone-hearted..inhuman..and just leave him and be happy with your family and friends.

There is always an easy way...but if you take the difficult way it will pay well.

[Midnight Valentine]

Originally Posted by Preeto Maam

Well, sometimes we do make mistakes in our relationships and sometimes we do fall out of love and thats the sad part of love. But when we do realize that, then there is no point in carrying on if the relationship is dragging you down.
You are feeling shackled by the whole thing it looks like, so you may as well put an end to it clearly.

Maam ..is it always right to put an end to whatever's bothering me or my life?
The girl who asked this question can tell that boy that now everything's over and he can do whatever he wants to and she is no longer with him..without keeping any guilt in her heart..this way she would be happy & enjoy her life..but is it the only way out?

[japun]

Ur views about ur future is very well planned by u already.. u have a vision, thats good and u must follow it. He may be liking u but since u dont see a future with him u must tell him to concentrate on studies than wasting time on u.. never give him any hope that its going to work. He is also in his teens and will change as time goes..wait fro some time, most importantly dont let this affect ur studies.. U can tell him that u want to concentrate on studies and get ur life built up and no thoughts about love right now.. tell it in a firm manner and for sometime he will be sad. But soon he will come out of it

[narayanhegde]

Originally Posted by Preeto Maam

OK, from what I see it looks like you are totally off this relationship and don't see it working at all. However, he can't let go and is hanging on to you and putting you on the guilt trip and its the guilt thats bothering you.

Well, sometimes we do make mistakes in our relationships and sometimes we do fall out of love and thats the sad part of love. But when we do realize that, then there is no point in carrying on if the relationship is dragging you down.
You are feeling shackled by the whole thing it looks like, so you may as well put an end to it clearly.

The boy is right now, in a state of denial and there is no point in giving him false hope at all. You may as well make a clean break and concentrate on your life as you want it. Make the break gently but firmly, though. This is a heart that you are dealing with!

Well said maam... i agree completely to this opinion.
If she dont want life with him, he better cahnge his ways for his own good.. surely he can still act lover for all the timebut that will only make his lose his life and career..
Girl must also as soon tell him its all over for once and ever... that would be hard for him but it will be better for his future

[Sfatima]

hmmm.....u r rite...its really messes up.lets see if i can help.
as u said,u r everythng to him.he has definitely kind of chosen you over his family.
wat i can tell u is dat,if u leave him now he will hav no one to turn to n definitely it mite lead him on a wrong path,he mite as well end up givin his life or sumthn....i m sure u wud not like to b called responsible for making someone else's life such a hell.
wat i say is continue your relationship with him,make him realise his responsibilities.make him speak to his parents n let them allow him to syudy further.if he finds science tuff,he can as well get into commerce graduation after his 12th.
see now u take it as your responsibility to make his life better.after his graduation even if he gets a small job like in BPO or sumthn,his life will b much better.if he refuse to study or anythng,u can threaten to leave him.once he gets stable in his life,u can then tell him dat u r off him.......he mite then even accept it much easily.
its definitely a serious issue n needs to be handled with maturity.
and above all u also need to take care of ur career along with his
all the best

[atiqsyedpk]

very long story