Father in law behaves very badly..

06-11-2009, 12:57 PM

My marriage was a love marriage and her parents didnt first agree to it.
But after my family talked with them they gave consent half minded. But after marriage my father in law in all prev two years was behaving to me with out giving any respect.
Whenever we are together he make indirect comments about somehting about my parents or family simply to insult me, or to make me feel bad.
I am a man who loves peace and never say anything back, but he repeats it all the time.
I am very embarassed when it happens before others.. His comments are very inappropriate. Maam, what i want to know is how can i change the situation?

sb_fan2 · 06-11-2009, 02:29 PM

Avoid him, and let him know that you are avoiding him.

Is he a rich man? Do you want part of his property / money -

if No - then avoid him - you dont need him. Tell your wife that you cannot tolerate him.
If yes - then bear him - he wont live long.

Take care.

pain! · 06-11-2009, 04:59 PM

I believe you gave him an idea that you are somebody to be insulted continously, like an easy target to practice his verbal abuse skills. The easiest method i think is through your wife. When your father in law says something, if she can come forward and correct him, that will have a better effect. It will psychologically also give him a hint that you are not alone, or atleast his own daughter doesnt think his views about you are right. Also if you see he is saying something wrong about you or family correct it with out going into any arguments!

siddharth3.5 · 06-11-2009, 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Susheel Majumdar

My marriage was a love marriage and her parents didnt first agree to it.
But after my family talked with them they gave consent half minded. But after marriage my father in law in all prev two years was behaving to me with out giving any respect.
Whenever we are together he make indirect comments about somehting about my parents or family simply to insult me, or to make me feel bad.
I am a man who loves peace and never say anything back, but he repeats it all the time.
I am very embarassed when it happens before others.. His comments are very inappropriate. Maam, what i want to know is how can i change the situation?

Next itme when he does it, take him some place alone and tell him that he must stop it right now..
Say that u avoid replying to his harsh comments not because u are afraid but out of respect and dont make u lose it... SUch a warning can have a good effect

champaklal · 06-11-2009, 10:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Susheel Majumdar

My marriage was a love marriage and her parents didnt first agree to it.
But after my family talked with them they gave consent half minded. But after marriage my father in law in all prev two years was behaving to me with out giving any respect.
Whenever we are together he make indirect comments about somehting about my parents or family simply to insult me, or to make me feel bad.
I am a man who loves peace and never say anything back, but he repeats it all the time.
I am very embarassed when it happens before others.. His comments are very inappropriate. Maam, what i want to know is how can i change the situation?

tell your father in law politely and firmly "that you respect him like your father because he's your wife's father. So he shouldn't behave in a manner which makes him lose his respect."
After this, don't wait for his reply, and leave. DO NOT ARGUE with him on this point. this should be the last line.
and then do not visit him, unless he compromises.

I think this is how your problem can be cured.

wishing you all the best.

jk_singh · 06-11-2009, 11:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Susheel Majumdar

My marriage was a love marriage and her parents didnt first agree to it.
But after my family talked with them they gave consent half minded. But after marriage my father in law in all prev two years was behaving to me with out giving any respect.
Whenever we are together he make indirect comments about somehting about my parents or family simply to insult me, or to make me feel bad.
I am a man who loves peace and never say anything back, but he repeats it all the time.
I am very embarassed when it happens before others.. His comments are very inappropriate. Maam, what i want to know is how can i change the situation?

Dont sit silent!!!
Reply always if he is trying to attack u!!!
Your answer must be a hit back on him.
But use only enough force, i mean dont overdo it, he is an old guy!!!

bhushan1982 · 07-11-2009, 10:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Susheel Majumdar

My marriage was a love marriage and her parents didnt first agree to it.
But after my family talked with them they gave consent half minded. But after marriage my father in law in all prev two years was behaving to me with out giving any respect.
Whenever we are together he make indirect comments about somehting about my parents or family simply to insult me, or to make me feel bad.
I am a man who loves peace and never say anything back, but he repeats it all the time.
I am very embarassed when it happens before others.. His comments are very inappropriate. Maam, what i want to know is how can i change the situation?

He wants to make u feel bad.. tahts clear from his attitude.
His behaviour is very immature, but still u should not do anythign bad, its ur responsibility to give respect to his age. First tell ur mother in law or ur wife to talk to him to avoid such insults.
ANd if it doesnt work u can ask him directly..

it matters to me · 07-11-2009, 10:55 AM

Hi

2 years is a long time for people to try and make an effort to forget and forgive - if he as an adult and elder is not able to do it maintain your distance and respect.

Do not come to the same level of disrespecting him.

Talk to your wife and explain that you don't like the way her father treats you. I am surprised your wife does nnot feel bad about it and has not already asked her father to treat you with respect and common courtesy.

I feel as long as you treat your wife well and she is happy with you, maintain a respectable distance from her father. No one and I mean no one has the right to insult or make the other feel inferior irrespective of age and relation you share with people

**Preeto Maam** · 07-11-2009, 11:06 AM

Susheel,

You've got some pretty sound advise here already and I really don't have much more to add. I do agree that its time that you had a conversation with your father in law, who is probably thinking that just because you are peace loving, you are weak. You also don't have to wait for an insulting comment to come your way but can ask to see him, saying that there is something that you want to discuss with him.

And then tell him that for the health of the family relationships, he should try for a peaceful co existence rather than making snide comments at all times.

Be respectful, but do put your point across!

manmohanjoshi · 07-11-2009, 06:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Susheel Majumdar

My marriage was a love marriage and her parents didnt first agree to it.
But after my family talked with them they gave consent half minded. But after marriage my father in law in all prev two years was behaving to me with out giving any respect.
Whenever we are together he make indirect comments about somehting about my parents or family simply to insult me, or to make me feel bad.
I am a man who loves peace and never say anything back, but he repeats it all the time.
I am very embarassed when it happens before others.. His comments are very inappropriate. Maam, what i want to know is how can i change the situation?

One way is to avoid such situations.. but there is ofcourse a limit upto which we can go. Next step is to tell him that u are not his target practice and in ways u are inferior to him or his family. If thats true, then why is his daughter with u? So long as she supports u, u can easily come out of this situations

Eshwar Dutt · 08-11-2009, 06:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Susheel Majumdar

My marriage was a love marriage and her parents didnt first agree to it.
But after my family talked with them they gave consent half minded. But after marriage my father in law in all prev two years was behaving to me with out giving any respect.
Whenever we are together he make indirect comments about somehting about my parents or family simply to insult me, or to make me feel bad.
I am a man who loves peace and never say anything back, but he repeats it all the time.
I am very embarassed when it happens before others.. His comments are very inappropriate. Maam, what i want to know is how can i change the situation?

Its getting worse only because u are silent.. i think one warning is enough to silence him.
Tell him outof respect u r silent and u know how to reply in his same manner
If the warning is given in a strong language he wont dare to do it again.

atiqsyedpk · 08-11-2009, 06:52 AM

simple ........
avoid him compleatly

rangnath · 08-11-2009, 09:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Susheel Majumdar

My marriage was a love marriage and her parents didnt first agree to it.
But after my family talked with them they gave consent half minded. But after marriage my father in law in all prev two years was behaving to me with out giving any respect.
Whenever we are together he make indirect comments about somehting about my parents or family simply to insult me, or to make me feel bad.
I am a man who loves peace and never say anything back, but he repeats it all the time.
I am very embarassed when it happens before others.. His comments are very inappropriate. Maam, what i want to know is how can i change the situation?

One or two times u need to cross his arguments only.. that much is needed to end this.
Your silence is giving him courage to go further

narayanhegde · 08-11-2009, 02:44 PM

I dont think u can change his behaviour very much...probably he will keep his dislike in his mind always. BUt what u can do is to force him avoid such harsh dialogues. Next time when it happen u can ask him to stop it as its hurting urs and ur families self respect..dont do it before others, that will make situation worse with creating a permenanet dislike for you in his mind.. In all your attempts remember that what you aim to do is not to teach him a lesson, but to let him know that what he does is not something good for you..

rohitttt · 09-11-2009, 08:04 AM

you really cant do anything now.. just give it some time ... things will fall in uts place.... now when you have married hsi daughter n even shee is with you, supporting you.. then why are you lisning? why dont you reply back and show him that he is wrong? you have his daughter with you now .. you need to make him remember that.... dont get me wrong ... but youll have to take such steps in order to teach such old man lessons

06-11-2009, 12:57 PM	#1
Susheel Majumdar Guest Posts: n/a	Father in law behaves very badly.. My marriage was a love marriage and her parents didnt first agree to it. But after my family talked with them they gave consent half minded. But after marriage my father in law in all prev two years was behaving to me with out giving any respect. Whenever we are together he make indirect comments about somehting about my parents or family simply to insult me, or to make me feel bad. I am a man who loves peace and never say anything back, but he repeats it all the time. I am very embarassed when it happens before others.. His comments are very inappropriate. Maam, what i want to know is how can i change the situation?

06-11-2009, 02:29 PM	#2
sb_fan2 Young Gun Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 283 Rep Power: 1	Avoid him, and let him know that you are avoiding him. Is he a rich man? Do you want part of his property / money - if No - then avoid him - you dont need him. Tell your wife that you cannot tolerate him. If yes - then bear him - he wont live long. Take care. Last edited by sb_fan2; 06-11-2009 at 02:29 PM. Reason: typo

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06-11-2009, 04:59 PM	#3
pain! common man Lieutenant Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 5,050 Rep Power: 3	I believe you gave him an idea that you are somebody to be insulted continously, like an easy target to practice his verbal abuse skills. The easiest method i think is through your wife. When your father in law says something, if she can come forward and correct him, that will have a better effect. It will psychologically also give him a hint that you are not alone, or atleast his own daughter doesnt think his views about you are right. Also if you see he is saying something wrong about you or family correct it with out going into any arguments!

07-11-2009, 10:55 AM	#8
it matters to me SB Champion Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 1,116 Rep Power: 2	Hi 2 years is a long time for people to try and make an effort to forget and forgive - if he as an adult and elder is not able to do it maintain your distance and respect. Do not come to the same level of disrespecting him. Talk to your wife and explain that you don't like the way her father treats you. I am surprised your wife does nnot feel bad about it and has not already asked her father to treat you with respect and common courtesy. I feel as long as you treat your wife well and she is happy with you, maintain a respectable distance from her father. No one and I mean no one has the right to insult or make the other feel inferior irrespective of age and relation you share with people

07-11-2009, 11:06 AM	#9
Preeto Maam Moderator Lieutenant General Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 44,182 Rep Power: 34	Susheel, You've got some pretty sound advise here already and I really don't have much more to add. I do agree that its time that you had a conversation with your father in law, who is probably thinking that just because you are peace loving, you are weak. You also don't have to wait for an insulting comment to come your way but can ask to see him, saying that there is something that you want to discuss with him. And then tell him that for the health of the family relationships, he should try for a peaceful co existence rather than making snide comments at all times. Be respectful, but do put your point across!

08-11-2009, 06:52 AM	#12
atiqsyedpk SB Guru Lieutenant Join Date: May 2007 Location: in.center.of.TALIBAN Posts: 5,080 Rep Power: 6	simple ........ avoid him compleatly

08-11-2009, 02:44 PM	#14
narayanhegde Young Gun Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 246 Rep Power: 1	I dont think u can change his behaviour very much...probably he will keep his dislike in his mind always. BUt what u can do is to force him avoid such harsh dialogues. Next time when it happen u can ask him to stop it as its hurting urs and ur families self respect..dont do it before others, that will make situation worse with creating a permenanet dislike for you in his mind.. In all your attempts remember that what you aim to do is not to teach him a lesson, but to let him know that what he does is not something good for you..

09-11-2009, 08:04 AM	#15
rohitttt New Born Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 35 Rep Power: 0	you really cant do anything now.. just give it some time ... things will fall in uts place.... now when you have married hsi daughter n even shee is with you, supporting you.. then why are you lisning? why dont you reply back and show him that he is wrong? you have his daughter with you now .. you need to make him remember that.... dont get me wrong ... but youll have to take such steps in order to teach such old man lessons