Am I turning into my father?

02-11-2009, 03:30 AM

Im a 22 yr old engg. This yr my parents got separated and me n my mom didnt even know when this thing officially happened.
Anyways i dont hate my father but i think in a lot of ways i act like him. Every moment reminds me of embarrasing acts ive done in my life and i get into more complex. I dunno if its in my genes or not but i get really paranoid... what if i turn into the man my father was when i get married. I dont want my to-be-wife to have the same trouble my mom had to face when she tried to handle my father.

Its been a lot of yrs since i talked to my father and i havent seen him in 11 yrs so i cant even think that im copying him unintentionally. But i want to get over my frustrations and complexities.

**Preeto Maam** · 03-11-2009, 01:59 PM

Ah child! What all we allow to trouble us! You are a different human being from anyone on this earth. ya, you share your father's genes but there is an equal part of you mom in you and not to forget the influences of though and environment! So, you are not going to turn into your father. Its only youir frustratuion at being in the position that you are in and of seeing your mom troubled that is making you feel this way.

So, please stop punishing yourself and torturing yourself for no reason at all. You are YOU...not your father, nor anyone else! and I'm sure you will be sensitive and careful about your partner!

prakash27 · 03-11-2009, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by archer_paradise10

Im a 22 yr old engg. This yr my parents got separated and me n my mom didnt even know when this thing officially happened.
Anyways i dont hate my father but i think in a lot of ways i act like him. Every moment reminds me of embarrasing acts ive done in my life and i get into more complex. I dunno if its in my genes or not but i get really paranoid... what if i turn into the man my father was when i get married. I dont want my to-be-wife to have the same trouble my mom had to face when she tried to handle my father.

Its been a lot of yrs since i talked to my father and i havent seen him in 11 yrs so i cant even think that im copying him unintentionally. But i want to get over my frustrations and complexities.

Kids r usually like their parents thats natural!! But u got the fianl control!! You can choose what character of ur dad to keep and what to discard!!
And dont judge him too much, u better do ur duty of a son well!!
agony aunt, marriage advice, relationship help, online agony aunt, relationship advice

japun · 03-11-2009, 10:37 PM

Isnt it too much blaming for ur dad?.. i think u r just putting all blame on ur father to hide ur inability in handling the situation..or to hide ur problems.. be bold and take the responsibility. Concentrate on making urself better, correcting ur mistakes than about what dad did or what bad character dad had..because genes may have effect on ones character but if ur mind has determination u can still be away from all bad things. so dont try to put blame on genes.. like preeto maam said, u are not ur father, u r another person.. now give necessary support to mom..

narayanhegde · 04-11-2009, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by archer_paradise10

Im a 22 yr old engg. This yr my parents got separated and me n my mom didnt even know when this thing officially happened.
Anyways i dont hate my father but i think in a lot of ways i act like him. Every moment reminds me of embarrasing acts ive done in my life and i get into more complex. I dunno if its in my genes or not but i get really paranoid... what if i turn into the man my father was when i get married. I dont want my to-be-wife to have the same trouble my mom had to face when she tried to handle my father.

Its been a lot of yrs since i talked to my father and i havent seen him in 11 yrs so i cant even think that im copying him unintentionally. But i want to get over my frustrations and complexities.

You cant just become another person all of a sudden.. or nobody becomes like that automatically. Only through deliberate attempt one can become like another, because everybody is different.. similarities might be there, but ultimately everybody is different.. Your fears are troubling u, u either have a very bad opinion about dad and afraid of it so much.. or u are trying escape mechanism...The solution is to be brave and accept things coming ur way, good or bad..

s.radha · 04-11-2009, 10:40 AM

Hello Dear !!!!!

Please hang on and try to forget all these tensions from your life. You know what!!!!!! We always become what we want to become. Do you want to be like your dad? NO.. right??? then how can you become someone which you do not want? Concentrate on good experiences and try to follow them and do not worry about bad things which already had happened.

Concentrate on your career and studies. You will only become what you want. Take care and enjoy life.

God Bless!!!!

bhushan1982 · 04-11-2009, 01:17 PM

Thats impossible if u dont want to..
Sometimes if we fear something so much, our mind will automatically make it happen. So the first thing for u to do is remove hatred and fear about ur dad from ur mind.
You are differnt from ur dad.. give importance to ur life, do things needed or ur life, forget about other things.
You saw him 11 years ago that means there is only very few memories in ur mind about him.. ur mom need ur help and thats what u should think of

sb_fan2 · 05-11-2009, 02:10 PM

You have a separate brain than your father.

There is nothing wrong with getting separated - so it is not anything wrong that your dad did. He wanted to be happy - and there is nothing wrong with that. It is not possible that your father gave your mother troubles - and not the other way round. She must have also given him hell of a time, finally the separated. Brave Man - your father.

You already thinking of mairrage - ruining your life - even your father or mother cannot help you.

Everybody is a different person, in a different position, has a different life. Try to be happy in your life.

02-11-2009, 03:30 AM	#1
archer_paradise10 Guest Posts: n/a	Am I turning into my father? Im a 22 yr old engg. This yr my parents got separated and me n my mom didnt even know when this thing officially happened. Anyways i dont hate my father but i think in a lot of ways i act like him. Every moment reminds me of embarrasing acts ive done in my life and i get into more complex. I dunno if its in my genes or not but i get really paranoid... what if i turn into the man my father was when i get married. I dont want my to-be-wife to have the same trouble my mom had to face when she tried to handle my father. Its been a lot of yrs since i talked to my father and i havent seen him in 11 yrs so i cant even think that im copying him unintentionally. But i want to get over my frustrations and complexities.

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03-11-2009, 01:59 PM	#2
Preeto Maam Moderator Lieutenant General Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 44,182 Rep Power: 34	Ah child! What all we allow to trouble us! You are a different human being from anyone on this earth. ya, you share your father's genes but there is an equal part of you mom in you and not to forget the influences of though and environment! So, you are not going to turn into your father. Its only youir frustratuion at being in the position that you are in and of seeing your mom troubled that is making you feel this way. So, please stop punishing yourself and torturing yourself for no reason at all. You are YOU...not your father, nor anyone else! and I'm sure you will be sensitive and careful about your partner!

03-11-2009, 10:37 PM	#4
japun Young Gun Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 456 Rep Power: 2	Isnt it too much blaming for ur dad?.. i think u r just putting all blame on ur father to hide ur inability in handling the situation..or to hide ur problems.. be bold and take the responsibility. Concentrate on making urself better, correcting ur mistakes than about what dad did or what bad character dad had..because genes may have effect on ones character but if ur mind has determination u can still be away from all bad things. so dont try to put blame on genes.. like preeto maam said, u are not ur father, u r another person.. now give necessary support to mom..

04-11-2009, 10:40 AM	#6
s.radha New Born Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 93 Rep Power: 1	Hello Dear !!!!! Please hang on and try to forget all these tensions from your life. You know what!!!!!! We always become what we want to become. Do you want to be like your dad? NO.. right??? then how can you become someone which you do not want? Concentrate on good experiences and try to follow them and do not worry about bad things which already had happened. Concentrate on your career and studies. You will only become what you want. Take care and enjoy life. God Bless!!!!

04-11-2009, 01:17 PM	#7
bhushan1982 Young Gun Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 248 Rep Power: 1	Thats impossible if u dont want to.. Sometimes if we fear something so much, our mind will automatically make it happen. So the first thing for u to do is remove hatred and fear about ur dad from ur mind. You are differnt from ur dad.. give importance to ur life, do things needed or ur life, forget about other things. You saw him 11 years ago that means there is only very few memories in ur mind about him.. ur mom need ur help and thats what u should think of

05-11-2009, 02:10 PM	#8
sb_fan2 Young Gun Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 283 Rep Power: 1	You have a separate brain than your father. There is nothing wrong with getting separated - so it is not anything wrong that your dad did. He wanted to be happy - and there is nothing wrong with that. It is not possible that your father gave your mother troubles - and not the other way round. She must have also given him hell of a time, finally the separated. Brave Man - your father. You already thinking of mairrage - ruining your life - even your father or mother cannot help you. Everybody is a different person, in a different position, has a different life. Try to be happy in your life.